Gratis bloggen bei
This is my first story, quite short
there are changes of the point of view between the different parts.
Great! I came all the way from Boston just to hear “Baby, you’re here already? Sorry, still gotta check the stage and do the soundcheck… how about you come back in two hours?” Hellooo??? I had a real bad flight of 9 hours and it took me another two hours to find my way from the airport to this festival in the middle of nowhere! John and I are having a long distance relationship which is hard anyway, so can’t I expect he has at least a few spare minutes to welcome me properly?
I need a smoke first. How relaxing to be in Germany, a country that allows you to smoke wherever you want. I wonder what kind of bands are playing at this festival? I must admit that I hardly know anything about the European music scene. I don’t even know the band John is working for. All I know is they are from… well, some kind of Scandinavian country. I’ll guess I’ll find out soon, I mean, I’m gonna tour with them for the next two weeks. Geez, I hope they are not total dorks… two weeks stuck in a bus with some weird rock guys and their crew…why the hell am I doing this?
Yeah, right, cause of John! I’m angry bout him! I know our relationship has always been kinda difficult. He can be very jealous and I really hate it if someone tries to limit my freedom. We have broken up countless times but we always got back together. The fact that he now works as a sound tech for bands all over the world doesn’t really make it easier for us but I’m sure we will work it out. Well, not at the moment, I’m still mad at him!
I found a nice little spot in the sun, wanna light my cigarette. The lighter doesn’t work. “Fuckin’ shit!” I shout and throw the lighter against a wall. “Fuck!” Great day!
“Need a lighter?” I turn around. A guy stands next to me, offering me his lighter. “Thanks!” I grab it. The second our fingers touch I feel an electric stroke running through the fingers. The lighter falls to the ground. We both bend down to pick it up at the same time and hit our heads against each other. “Outsch!” I rub my head, light my cigarette and return the lighter and the guy leaves laughing. What a weird guy… and very weird hair! Kinda messy, greasy, dreaded and even some feathers in it. What the fuck? Is he playing Indian or what? Had very nice eyes though! Calm down, Tina! You’re here because of John, remember? Alright, gonna finish my cigarette and then I’m gonna check out this festival! Wouldn’t it be awesome if the Foo Fighters play here? Damn, I love them, they’re my heros…
Oh my fuckin’ God! Dave Grohl just said “Hi” to me! Only while walking past but but goddammit! He was the drummer of Nirvana! My heros…
Somewhere here must be the stage entrance. I don’t really remember. I’m already late! Dammit, I really need to be at the soundcheck on time! Wait, gotta go into the the other direction. I’d better hurry. I run around the corner and… knock someone down on the floor. I stutter some kind of apology then I recognize her. It’s the girl I gave my lighter to. She laughs and says “Looks like we gonna hurt each other more often!” and then she walks away. She’s kinda cute, very nice eyes!
Oh shit, I’m really late!
That guy again! I’ll better try to keep distance from him. Otherwise this will probably end with some severe injuries!
I’m hungry. There must be some kind of catering somewhere! Here it is, wow, a great buffet! Not many people eating, great, that means there’s more for me! I shovel all kind of food on my plate. Eggrolls! Just one left, gotta hurry before someone else…
My fork and someone else’s fork hit the eggroll at the same time. I look up to my rival, determined not to give up. Dave Grohl! I can’t believe it! In my mind I already see myself falling down on my knees doing the Waynes-World-we-are-unworthy-woreshipping-thing and sacrificing the eggroll. “Wanna share?” he asks. “Sure!” I answer with my most beautiful smile trying not to blush. Dave looks around. “Are you here all by yourself? Wanna sit with us?” I cannot believe this! I’m having lunch with Dave and Taylor from the Foo Fighters! Can it be any better?!
After an hour I remember that I’m supposed to meet John soon.
When John and I meet I finally get an appropriate kiss and hug. Yes, I’m sure, I love John. I tell him about lunch. He smiles “You’re so cute when you’re that excited!” and picks a long black feather off my shoulder, “Where did you get that from?” “Must be from that weird guy who knocked me over” I reply. “Oh, no! Did I have that feather on my shoulder all the time? Dave and Taylor must have thought I’m kind of a weird esoteric person who wears feathers on her clothes for … what do I know, good luck or something! How embarrassing!!!”
John laughs. He stands behind me, holding me in his arms. Slowly he touches my neck with the feather, rubs it gently down my shoulder, my chest, my belly… If I was a cat I would start to purr. “Hm, nice!” I mumble with closed eyes. “Look” says John “the guy over there, ist that your feather guy? That’s Lauri, the singer of the Rasmus, the band I’m working for!” I open my eyes and yes, it’s really him and he walks toward us.
Finally done with the soundcheck! I wanna go over to John to discuss the last details but it looks like he’s busy. He’s holding a girl in his arms and rubs gently down her body with one of my feathers. She looks very sexy the way she’s enjoying it. I bet if she was a cat she would purr now. She opens her eyes and I recognize her, it’s the lighter girl! Suddenly I remember that John’s girlfriend is supposed to arrive today.
“Tina – Lauri – Lauri – Tina” John introduces us. “But I heard you guys already met!” he laughs. “Where did you get this feather from?” I ask. “Must have been stuck on me when you ran me over” she answers “Can I keep it? For tonight” she smiles and winks over to John. “Sure.” Great, after a long time that seemed like forever, I meet a girl that kinda interests me and she only got eyes for our sound tech! Oh well, we all know that I don’t have much luck with women. Not that they don’t like me but… whatever. She’s different somehow, there’s something about her. She’s not a supermodel but she has style and she got beautiful eyes. She has charisma, a real sexy charisma actually. The way she slowly moves her fingers down John’s spine while he is checking the mixing console makes my neck hair stand up. I gotta go before someone realizes that I’m staring at them.
Why is that feather-guy staring at me and John? Doesn’t he have his own love life? Little pervert!
The band gathers to go to some press dates. John quickly introduces me to the rest of the band, they all seem pretty nice. After they have left John kisses me and says “We have the band’s wardrobe all for ourselves for the next few hours!” So we enter the wardrobe. “I missed you so much” I say starting to undress John. He kisses me and we sink down on the couch.
After a time that seemed to last for hours and still just felt like seconds we share a cigarette. I laugh “Did you realize we didn’t even lock the door?” John grabs a blanket that is lying next to the couch and covers our bodies. In that very moment the door opens and shuts again very fast. I can hear loud laughter and some apologies from outside. “You guys have five minutes to get dressed!” someone shouts. Oh my God, I can hardly breath cause of laughing so hard! John and I get dressed and then sit on the couch pretending nothing has happened. “Come in!” The whole band plus the three other roadies, Billy, Tom and Jan enter the room. What a great way to introduce myself to everyone at the first day! I really can’t stop laughing!
Lucky them! Looks like they just had great sex. Her hair is a bit messy, her cheeks rosy, her eyes are sparkling. How long is it ago since I had this? I don’t mean sex in general, I can have that whenever I want. But when did I have really good sex for the last time? Seems like ages ago. This is weird. It’s not like I have a crush on Tina or something like that, it’s just that physical attraction. If I could I would take her right now on that table… I feel the emotions rising inside my body. Thank God I have to perform on stage in a few minutes so I can release these feelings.
Even if Tina would show any kind of interest in me I could never do this. John is my friend and I would never take a friend’s girl!
The show was fuckin great! The audience rocked, the atmosphere was hot, it was exactly the way we want it to be! And besides that, Dave Grohl was watching us from the side of the stage! And now he and his band are on the very same stage and rock like hell. How can this night be any better?!
After the Foo Fighters show we sit backstage and party. Suddenly Dave and his gang come along and ask to sit with us. Am I dreaming? My hero sits next to me and tells me he liked our show. Can someone pinch me please?
We drink tons of Jagermeister. Did Tina just stare at me? No, must have been mistaken. She suggests a drinkin game, bottle and card blowing. We move closer together to play the game. I think Tina’s knee is touching mine… or maybe not. There, again! Is she watching me? Or am I wrong? Why should she? She just got eyes for John anyway. Man, I’m so drunk!
I am lying next to John in his bunk. I can’t sleep. There’s so less space in this bed. Feels like my claustrophobia is coming back. And after all there’s one thing I can’t get out of my head: Lauri on stage! Seemed like he was a totally different person, so full of energy and his voice… goosebumps – alarm! When we partied later on I always had to watch him. I hope he didn’t realize! But I think he was too busy anyway to realize he was partying with Dave Grohl. So cute, like a little boy on Christmas morning! Sometimes he looked over to Dave just like he wasn’t sure if this was really happening. Guess he thought nobody would see it but I did.
Why do I have to think about all that? I love John, no doubt about that but since tonight I feel a kind of physical attraction towards Lauri. I don’t understand it, it doesn’t make sense, does it?
I’m on tour with the guys now since three days. It’s actually pretty interesting to see how life on tour is. I’m having a great time, I come along with everyone pretty good. Well, I don’t have to much to do with Lauri but to be honest, I kinda try to avoid him a little bit. Every time I sit or stand next to him there’s that tension, even my neck hair stand up. I don’t get it, I know that I love John, I’m happy to be with him after being separated for a long time and now this!
Tonight we had to leave right after to show to drive to the next city. We’re all sitting in the back of the bus watching a scary movie and having a couple of beers. I really need to pee! When I get to the bathroom, Lauri is standing there just wearing baggy pants. Great, so much about trying to avoid him! My beer is looking for a way out, I really can’t wait. “Do you mind if I use the bathroom?” I ask. “Sure, no problem.” I try to squeeze myself past Lauri. My nose touches his hair. It smells like shampoo. I always expected it to smell bad, I dunno why, I think while locking myself in the cabin. When I leave the cabin again the bus moves and I stumble towards Lauri. Our faces are very close, the tips of our noses almost touch. “Hold still, there’s something in you face” Lauri says and wipes an eyelash off my cheek. “Make a wish!” I am too confused to think about anything and blow the eyelash off his fingertip. We look into each others eyes. How long his eyelashes are, almost like a girl’s. Suddenly the bus moves again and I fall into his arms. I can hear his breath next to my ear, can feel it on my neck. I straighten myself, look into his eyes. Very gently he wipes a curl out of my face. He leans forward, I close my eyes, our lips touch for a second. “No!” the thought strikes through my head. I move backwards. “I can’t” I whisper. He looks me in my eyes and nods. “I know.”
I turn around and go back to John. Thank God it’s dark so he can’t see my face. Now that I’m sitting here next to John all that just happened seems so unreal. What the hell was that?
Tom gets up to go to the bathroom but comes back quite quick. “Can’t go pee now! Lauri is … well, busy with himself!”
I can hear them laughing next door. Haha, very funny! What else can I do? Jump around the bus with a huge boner in my pants? How can that woman get me so confused? How can there be such an strong sexuall tension between two people? This has nothing to do with love, I just want to feel her body! Wanna make her purr like John did on that very first day. Thank God she could keep herself together! I hope John will never realize what was going on! He’s my friend, I’ve never touched a friend’s girlfriend and I will never do that! If it just wasn’t that hard!
I often have to think about what happened in the bathroom a few days ago. Now we both try to avoid each other. That just cannot happen again! Though it’s not that easy to stay out of each others way when living on a bus. And I can still feel the tension when I come kinda close to Lauri. Actually nothing has changed.
Well, John helps me to distract myself but not in a too good way. We have started arguing again. It’s just about the old stuff we’ve been arguing since we got together. John gets jelous very fast, he tries to take hold of me, to tell me what to do. All the stuff I can’t stand. All the reasons I have broken up before several times. But it always used to turn out alright in the end.
The bad thing now is that I catch myself thinking “If we break up now, Lauri and I could…” Like those fights come in quite handy. Maybe our problems just seem more severe than usual to give me an excuse. What if I don’t try hard enough to clear up things between John and me? What’s all that about? I love John! Everything else is just sex and the relation ship between John and me is worth so much more! I don’t know, maybe it’s just because we are stuck on that goddamn bus!
Tina and John are fighting. On one hand I want to help them sorting things out. But on the other hand there’s that little devil sitting on my shoulder whispering “Be happy! If it goes on like that you can fuck her sooner or later!” I feel really bad. I can hear them arguing next door. That really doesn’t sound well. I hope they’ll sort it out!
The whole last week went pretty well. Everything is fine between John and me. Only three days left till I go back to Boston.
To celebrate the end of the tour, we all check into a hotel. Sleeping in a real bed, I can’t wait! I jump on the bed when John enters the room. “By the way, who was that guy you were talking to the whole night yesterday?” “Just someone I met, you were busy the whole night!” “I had to work!” And so it starts all over again. All the old stories, the same fights. After a while I freak out. “You know what, John? This is it! I’ve had enough, it’s over! I’m flying home soon anyway so you don’t have to see me ever again!” I leave the room and slam the door.
I’ve been sitting at a river all day long, thinking about what has happened. Until I start to feel sorry again. I love John! We need this fights! A relationship without fights is boring! I cannot give up that easily! I decide to go back to the hotel. Everyone else is already at the venue so I take a cab. When I finally stand in front of John the words and apologies just burst out of my mouth. “Are you done now?” he asks. I nod. “I’ m sorry” he says “but I can’t do this anymore! Every time we have problems you break up! I can’t do this anymore! You have hurt and left me so often I just can’t deal with it anymore!” I stare at him. Understand every word he says and they all make so much sense. I knew it would all come back to me one day but it hurts so much. I turn around and leave.
This very last show of this tour was fucking great! Everyone is partying now as hard as they can. It’s almost 3 a.m. but I haven’t seen Tina yet. John is already pretty drunk. “So what’s up dude?” I ask “Partying without your girl tonight?” “Not just tonight. I broke up.” he answers.
They broke up! That’s my chance! Finally! Now wait, that’s weird, I expected my d’ick to take over my brain but suddenly I kind of start worrying if Tina’s alright.
I go over to John’s and her room. I knock. No response. I turn the doorknob. It’s unlocked. I open the door. There she is, standing at the window, staring into the darkness. Just a little light next to the bed is burning, there’s a vodka bottle on the table, half empty. I go over, stand next to her. Tears are running down her face. “What happened?” I ask. “I’m such an asshole. This all serves me right!” she says quietly. I lay my arm around her shoulder but she turns away and walks up and down the room. “I have hurt him so often. And now it all comes back to me. I’m just a stupid bitch! I’m bad, I’m mean! I’m not worth being loved!” She smashes her cup at the wall and sinks slowly down to the ground. She doesn’t scream or shout like I would have expected it. She’s all quiet, like she has just accepted her destiny, like she has given up. I bend over to help her up again then I see the blood on the wall. “Show me your hand!” Her palm is starting to fill with blood. I take off my shirt and wrap it tightly around her hand. “Hold it up so it will stop bleeding soon.” She stares at me. I wipe the tears off her face. “Why are you that nice to me?” she asks. “Cause you’re worth it.”
Suddenly she bends towards me and kisses me. Gently at first then more demanding. It’s exactly the way I’ve imagined it all the time during the last weeks. It happens so fast! We rip off each others clothes. I take her right here on the table. It’s fast and it’s hard but it’s good.
Then she gets up, locks the door and pulls me over to the bed. While I’m enjoying her lips all over my body I try to ignore the voices in my head. “What if this is more than just sex?” Can this be? Am I starting to fall in love?
I wake up. He is still asleep. How peaceful he is lying there! I try to make no noise while packing my stuff. I leave the room and take a cab to the airport. I hope I can get an early flight back to Boston.
Last night was good, too good. If I stay I could fall in love.