my stories

  Startseite
  Über...
  Archiv
  Bout me...
  INDEX
  signatures
  prophecies
  more than friends?
  summer breeze
  the perfect line
  angel crossing pt.2
  angel crossing pt.1
  the island of the forgotten children
  my victory is your defeat
  the rose
  wind beneath my wings
  without you I'm nothing
  what if
  secretly
  stormy night
  truth or dare
  fatal attraction
 
 
 
  disclamer
  Gästebuch
  Kontakt
 



  Links
   the new international TR fanfic forum
   TR forum
   damoon's and claudia's italian TR forum
   damoon's and claudia's italian TR page
   ChiiliAcantha's page
   lottie_2002's page
   Internet Movie Data Base



http://myblog.de/jinx

Gratis bloggen bei
myblog.de





1
A bear. Oh well, it could be worse. Though it could be better, too.
I’m big, brown and fluffy. Great!
“Thank God I’m not a duck!” I tell my reflection in the mirror.
Buying the costume two minutes before closing time on Halloween is not the smartest thing to do and a bear and a duck were my only choice. But hey, it’s not my fault that Rick told me that we have to dress up only a few hours ago. And now that he finally has asked me out, there’s nothing that can make me cancel this date! Not even looking like an oversized teddy bear.
Damn, I’m so excited! Our first real date!
“I was made for loving you, baby,” the radio plays.
Kiss, what a great band! Makes me sing along every time, no matter what song. I’m glad my bathroom doesn’t have any windows. My neighbours would laugh their asses off if they saw me now! Dancing around, wrapped in brown plush, a bear nose hanging on a rubber band around my neck and a hood with ears on my head. And to top that, singing into my hair brush!
A quick look on my watch tells me that Rick should be here any second. Damn.
“Rita! Don’t forget to rinse the bath tub!”
“Sure, mom!” I shout back downstairs.
It’s really time to get my own apartment! I mean, I go to college and still live with my mother, that’s kinda embarrassing. And how did she know that I forgot to let the water out of the tub?
The door bell rings. Oh my God, he’s here! My heart beats faster. Calm down, Rita, this is just a date! Yeah but a date with the guy I’ve been having a crush on since half a year!
“Rita! Your friend is here!”
“Coming!”
Shit, I can’t risk to leave him alone with her! She might pull out my old baby pictures or something equally embarrassing.
I rush over to the bath tub, pull my bear sleeve up and dunk my arm into the water to pull the plug.
And then it happens.
The bath-matt slips away under my feet, I fall into the tub. Head first.
My left foot gets caught in a cable. The radio tilts from one side to the other until it finally falls down. I hear the set splash into the water, then a subdued and kinda distorted version of the song that had been playing before.
The time suddenly seems to run in slow motion. I know that electricity and water are not a good match. Not at all. And I’m right in the middle!
Is this supposed to be the way my life’s going to end? By a Kiss song? In a bear costume? Oh, come on! Not like this! And not now!
I can’t die right now, Rick’s waiting for me and I’ve been waiting for our date for ages!
Isn’t this the moment when my whole life should be rewind in front of my eyes? I can’t see anything, I can only think one word: fuck.
“Fuck!”
There’s no sound except for my echoing scream. And then people start to continue their conversations.
Wait, people? I slowly open my eyes. And close them again quickly. Outsch! That hurts! Why is it so bright? I can feels tears watering my eyes. I put my hand across my face and peek through my fingers.
I’m standing in a very bright white… well, it’s not a room. Actually it’s nothing. There’s no floor, no walls, no sky, no nothing! Lots of people are walking around, some rush pas hectically t, others just stroll along. Nobody pays attention at me.
Hello? I’m wearing a bear costume! Don’t you guys think that’s weird?
I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around. A young woman with short brown hair smiles at me. She’s wearing sun glasses. Smart her!
“Hi! Looks like you forgot your shades. Here, take these, I always carry around an extra pair!”
“Thank you,” I say and put the glasses she’s offering me on quickly.
Ah, much better! My eyes relax and I realize that everyone here is wearing sun glasses. But though I can see better now, this place still doesn’t look like anything I’ve ever seen before.
“Excuse me, but what kind of place is this?”
The woman looks at me questioning.
“I mean, only a minute ago I was in my bathroom and now I’m… here!”
“Oh, I see!” she answers. Then she places her hand softly on my arm and smiles sadly.
“I hope this is not a too big shock for you, darling but… how do I say this nicely? Honey, you’re dead!”
Yeah, great, that came out extremely nice! Ok, I had expected something like this. I mean, the bath tub and the radio and all. But still, hearing someone telling you that you’re dead is kinda shocking. And very bizarre!
“Ah… ok… but I mean this place… what,” I stutter.
The woman looks at me.
“You really don't know where you are?” she asks and chuckles.
Excuse me, are you making fun of me? I hate it when people laugh at me!
“Where the hell am I?” I interrupt her impatiently.
She grins.
“Well, you’re not in hell but take another guess!”
“What?”
What’s up with this woman? Where ever I am, if everyone around here is like her I’m certainly not gonna like it!
“Darling, you’re in heaven!”



2
“Heaven?”
Wow. That explains a lot. But then again, heaven? Are you kidding me? I mean, sure, I’ve never killed anyone or something like that and I wasn’t a real bad person but still. Seems like it doesn’t take much to go to heaven!
“Guess something in the system went wrong,” the woman says, “usually the newbies arrive in the Welcome Area and not here. Come on, I’m gonna take you to God!”
She walks a few meters but stops as she realizes I’m not following.
“Are you coming?”
“Coming,” I mumble and slowly go a few steps. I’m kinda scared, I mean, you don’t meet God everyday!
“Don’t worry, God’s a pretty nice person, no need to be afraid!”
All of a sudden there’s a door. No walls, just the door. I peek around the frame but there’s nothing behind it.
“God’s office,” I read on a sign.
The woman pushes the door open and steps into a room. It looks like an ordinary office. I take my sunglasses off. Another woman is sitting behind a desk, typing on a computer keyboard. She smiles at us.
“Hi, can I help you?”
“Yes. I found this new girl outside. I’m afraid she got lost on her way here.”
The woman behind the desk sighs.
“We’ve been having computer problems lately, I’m sorry. But there are too many people dieing, the system is overloaded.” She rolls her eyes. “Stupid wars! I hate it, always makes us work overtime!”
“Oh, too bad,” I just mutter. Are you kidding me? You hate war cause it makes you work longer? What an airhead!
“So can we see God?” my accompanist asks.
The phone rings.
"God's office! How can I help you?" the secretary sings into the receiver. Then she sighs and rolls her eyes again. "Yes, Mr. Presley. I understand, Mr. Presley but... No, sir. You can read it in the 'Rules of Heaven' - book. You are not allowed to have what ever caused your death. So I'm really sorry, Mr. Presley, no fried peanut butter and banana sandwich for you!"
She covers the lower part of the receiver with her hand and whispers.
"This is gonna take a while, he calls every week. Just go through this door, God's in there."
I smile at her and take deep breath. I'm gonna meet God, holy shit! What if he lists up all my major and minor sins and wants me to explain myself or something?
I knock.
"Take this! Right into your balls!" I hear someone shout, followed by a louder "Come in!"
I shyly open the door and step through.
Two people are sitting in front of a huge TV screen, facing their backs towards us. They are holding control pads in their hands, playing a computer game. At least I guess they do. Some animated people on the screen beat up each other.
"Hi God!" the woman who has taken me here in the first place shouts to focus their attention on us.
I turn towards her and whisper.
"This is not how they control the world, right?"
She laughs.
"No, that's how they play playstation games."
I blush and whish I'd never asked this embarrassing question.
The two people turn around. One's a young woman with shoulder long red hair, wearing a black Ramones shirt. The other person is a man, messed up blonde hair, short beard, wearing torn blue jeans and a white shirt.
I freeze. This is Kurt Cobain. My teenage hero. Dos that mean he is...?
"Hi, great to meet you!" The woman offers me her hand. "I'm God!"
My eyes wander from her to Kurt, back to her, back to Kurt, back to her.
I swallow. "But... you are... I mean..."
God sighs.
"Yes, I know, I neither look old nor do I have a beard nor am I man!"
"Wow! I didn't expect you to be so young... and so female!"
"Hey, I invented Brad Pitt! So God has to be either a woman or gay, right?"
I smile at her.
"You've got a point there. Good work, by the way!"
I stare at Kurt again. I can't help it, I used to be the biggest Nirvana fan when I was younger, the walls of my room were plastered with pictures of him.
Seems like he feels uncomfortable with being stared at. He insecurely raises his hand and waves a bit.
I feel blood rushing into my face.
"Sorry," I mumble, "it's just that... it's so great to see you! Let me tell you that I absolutely love your music! But... you know, I'm kinda surprised to see you here. I mean, don't they say in the bible that you won't go to heaven if you kill yourself?"
A sudden thought strikes me. I gasp.
"Does that mean... Courtney killed you?"
Kurt shakes his head.
"No, she didn't, I did it all by myself." He sighs. "I wish people would stop talking about her like that. She has enough to deal with being... Courtney."
I feel kinda awkward. It's not an every day thing to ask people about their cause of death.
"He saved rock music, for fuck's sake! I couldn't allow Satan, that old sucker, to get one of the greatest musicians in the world! Anyway, take a seat. As you didn't arrive at the Welcome Area, this stupid computer system must have screwed up things again. Let's see if I can fix it."
God grabs a cigarette and lights it. Then she pushes a button on a remote control. The computer game on the screen disappears, some kind of administration program starts.
I let myself fall on the sofa next to Kurt.
"Nice outfit," he grins.
I look down at my bear costume. "Oh, just shut up!"
God laughs.
"This must have been another mistake in the system. Usually, when you die and go to heaven you automatically wear your favorite clothes. But, correct me if I'm wrong, I guess this bear thingy is not your favorite outfit!"
"Wow, God is a smart person," I mumble sarcastically.
"Only dead for half an hour and already nagging," God sighs smiling. She clicks some buttons. "Ok, here we are. Name Rita Purcell, age twenty-two. Cause of death, fried in the bath tub." God chuckles.
"Thanks for putting this that nicely!" I complain.
"Sorry. Let's go on. Resident on cloud 249. Future occupation, guardian angel."
Future occupation? What's that about? Does this mean I'm not just dead but I actually have to work?
"Guardian angel? I get a job?"
"Sure, what did you think? Being in heaven doesn't mean sitting on a cloud all day, singing and playing the harp!" God tells me with a strict voice.
Great, you die and after that life just goes on like before...
"I reckon you like music?" she asks me.
I nod.
"I'm sure you gonna like this job, you gotta look after a guy in a band."
Cool, really doesn't sound too bad.
"Do I know the band?"
God shrugs her shoulders and puffs out some cigarette smoke in the shape of little guitars. "Ever heard of The Rasmus?"


3
I shake my head. "Nope."
"They are quite successful in Europe and most of the rest of the world. Trying to hit the big break in the U.S. right now," God explains.
"Well, doesn't look like it's working, never heard of them. But then again, I'm living in a small town in Kansas, it's not like we get the latest news there first."
"What's wrong with Kansas, I thought I designed that place quite nice," God asks sounding a bit insulted.
"Hey, you didn't have to grow up in the bread basket of the nation," I tell her and look at the little smoke airplanes she's puffing through the air right now. Gotta find out how she's doing this! Damn, I didn't expect to have a craving for cigarettes when you're dead! Wonder if it's impolite to ask God for a fag?
"Want one?"
I take one thankfully. Does she read my mind?
"No."
"Hey! You obviously do," I complain laughing. "Didn't expect you to be able to lie!"
God sighs. "Actually I can't but I'm trying. Looks like so much fun when you humans do it!"
"Then why did you say 'don't lie' in the ten commands?"
She shrugs her shoulders. "I did that a few thousand years ago! Am I not allowed to change my mind once in a while?"
"Sure. And besides that, you're God, guess you're allowed to do whatever you want."
I watch her typing something on the keyboard. She turns around and looks at me excusing.
"There's somehow still a mistake in the system, sorry, can't change your outfit."
Oh come one, you're fucking God! And you can't get me out of this stupid bear costume? Bet Satan could have fixed this!
"Hey! I heard that!"
Oops, forgot about the mind reading thing. "Sorry!"
"Actually good old Sa isn't as powerful as you people always expect him to be!"
"So he's a man? Or is he a young woman, too?" Am I too curious? But when will I ever get another chance to ask stuff like this?
"Think about all the fucked up stuff he's doing... of course he's a man! But let's not talk about him, let's talk about you're job!"
Yeah, right, almost forgot. What was that band called again? The Ramses?
"The Rasmus."
"Would you please stop reading my mind?"
"Sorry, bad habit. Ok, you're gonna be the guardian angel for one of the band members. But actually you could keep an eye on the whole band, they tend to get in trouble quite easily."
"Trouble? What kind of trouble?" Please don't let it be some criminal rap guys straight outta Compton! Oh, please, don't let it be any rappers at all!
"Nah, they play rock music," God says.
Again! Goddammit, don't read my fucking mind!
"If you don't want me to read it, then why didn't you say that out loud?"
God chuckles silently.
"Didn't expect God to be such a funny person," I mutter sarcastically.
God sighs. "Sorry, back to business. Where did I stop?"
"I asked about the kind of trouble..."
"Yeah, right," she interrupts me, "it's no serious trouble, just stupid stuff that happens to them when they are drunk or when they play tricks on each other. Or sometimes one of them gets lost at airports or in foreign cities."
"This sounds more like they need a baby sitter and not a guardian angel."
"Ehrm... well, yes. But that one guy needs some more help than the others, he's kinda feeling uncomfortable at the moment. He's the guitar player."
"What's up with him?"
God shrugs her shoulders. "I don't know the details, guess some general 'what's the meaning of life?' - situation. Won't be a too difficult job for your first time, don't worry."
How should I help someone who's looking for the sense of life? The only thing that my life had been turning around during the last six month was how to get on a date with Rick!
Rick. Damn. I can't believe I just died! This night had been supposed to be the best night of my life and what am I doing? I die!
"Say, God, can I ask you something? If there was that error in your computer system, maybe it's been a mistake that I died? Can't you, like I don't know, just send me back? There's that really cute guy waiting for me and..."
"Rita, I'm really sorry," she says and shakes her head, "but this was your time to die. I can't undo it."
"Oh, well," I sigh, "was worth the question. So, where do I find this band?"
"In Finland."
"Oh, ok. But I don't think I'm the right person for this job. I don't understand any Finlandish!"
"Finnish!"
"What?"
"That's the language, Finnish."
I blush. Embarrassing.
"Now that you're an angel you can understand and speak any language," God explains and gets up to walk over to a huge desk. She opens a drawer, takes out a little black book and hands it to me.
There is a golden imprint on the cover. 'Rules of Heaven'.
"Read this. Tells you about how things are going on up here. Tomorrow you gotta attend the 'basics of guardian angelism' work shop. It starts at noon, be there on time! You can go to your place now. Guess you could need some rest after all that happened today!"
I get up. Stupid bear costume, doesn't have any pockets to put the book in!
"Where do I live again? Cloud two hundred what?"
God checks the computer. "249."
"I can walk you there," Kurt offers and gets up, too. "See ya tomorrow, God!"
We say good bye and leave God's office. We put on our sunglasses before we enter the white room... or what ever that is.
"So how do you find a door or a specific place? I mean, there are no signs, no roads, no nothing," I ask Kurt.
Kurt grins. "Weird, isn't it? Actually it's quite easy, just focus on the place you wanna go and after a few minutes of walking you'll be there." He shrugs his shoulders. "Don't ask how this is working, I have absolutely no clue. Just another of Big Red's weird ideas, I guess."
I laugh. "Big Red?"
"That's how we call her. You know that cinnamon chewing gum? Tasting very weird at first but after a few minutes it just rocks? It's like her!"
"She's pretty funny, isn't she?"
"Sometimes she has a weird sense of humor. I mean, she created David Hasselhoff! But you get used to it." He stops walking and looks at me. "Are you tired? I'm about to go to a bar and have a few drinks with some friends. Wanna come along for a beer?"
"Sure!"
Having a beer with Kurt Cobain. Being dead isn't as bad as I expected! Not at all!


4
"Haaalleluja, halleluja, halleluja, halleee-heelujaaaaaa!"
What the fuck?! Where's that choir coming from? Why is it that loud? Why does my head hurt like hell? How can I turn that noise off? I carefully open one eye. What... this is not my room!
Oh, yeah, right, I remember. I'm dead.
I throw my pillow at the enormous alarm clock that is standing next to my bed. Sweet silence fills the room. Ah, much better!
Slowly my memory returns. Kurt and I had been to a pub and had a few beers. Ok, I admit, not just a few beers, maybe some Jägermeister and Tequilla, too.
I'm dead but I can still have a hangover? That's just not fair!
Oh, damn, it's already eleven thirty. Gotta be at that work shop in half an hour. Oh well, it's not like I need a lot of time to get ready to leave. I'm still wearing that stupid bear costume and strangely I can't take it off. Believe me, I've tried! Last night Kurt and his friends made fun about me and my fluffy appearance non stop. Didn't know all these bear jokes exist! So after the sixth beer I told them I rather go naked than wearing a brown plush sack. Nobody tried to stop me, yeah, dead men are just the same as the living. But no matter how hard I tried, that frickin' thing didn't want to come off. Great, I guess that rock music guy doesn't expect to have an oversized teddy bear as a guardian angel!
Eleven thirty-five. I turn around and pull the blanket over my head. Just two more minutes, I promise!
"Yo! Barney! Wake up!"
Someone's kicking my bed. Barney? What? Oh, I get it, Barney, the cartoon bear. Haha, very funny! I want to scream at who ever is disturbing me but only a weak mumble comes out of my mouth.
"Stop kicking my bed for fuck's sake!"
Maybe if I ignore it long enough it will disappear into thin air?
"Get up!"
No, it doesn't.
"Easy, man, no need to shout, I'm coming," I mumble and sit up slowly.
Kurt is standing in front of my bed. He grins.
"I know who's gonna be in troooou-bleeee!" he sings.
"Why? Am I late?"
Damn, being late on my first day in heaven. Doesn't look like I'm leaving a too good impression.
Kurt bursts into laughter. "Late? You missed the whole work shop!"
Holy shit! From one second to the other I'm completely awake.
"What?"
"Yeah, you missed the whole thing plus you should have been at work one hour ago."
I jump out of the bed, start looking for my clothes but remember that there aren't any. I rip the door open, get blinded by the bright white light and stumble backwards into my room. The door closes with a bang. I rub my eyes. Damn, that hurt!
I hear Kurt giggling behind me.
"What was that supposed to be?"
"Oh, just shut up!" I complain and look for my sunglasses.
"You're late anyway, so clam down! And besides that you don't even know where to go, right?"
"Guess that's where you come in, smart ass!"
Kurt crosses his arms and pouts.
"Well, just go ahead and find your way to Finland. I can think of better things to do than taking you there!"
"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you! It's just that I'm hungover and..."
Immediately Kurt grins. "Just kidding, I'm not that easy to offend!" He slaps my back friendly but somehow underestimates his force. I stumble forwards.
"Hey, easy, man," I mumble and put my sunglasses on. "Let's go!"
We leave my room and walk for a few minutes till we reach another door. It's blue.
"FI 777 HE 28," I read out loud, "what's that supposed to mean?"
"That's just the number of the file."
"What file?"
Kurt sighs. "If you had been to 'basics of guardian angelism' you would have gotten a file, a folder full of information about your client and your job in general."
"So where do I get that from now?"
Kurt shrugs his shoulders. "Guess they'll send it to you during the next days. You know, the post system up here is not the quickest."
Something beeps. Kurt takes a pager out of his pocket and reads the message.
"Sorry, gotta go. A musician with a writer's block, gotta spread some creativity over him!"
"Do you work as a guardian angel, too?"
Kurt smiles. "I'm a muse!"
Then he disappears. I'm left all alone in front of the blue door. I feel sick. And it's not because of my hangover. I mean, this job I'm gonna do now, that's something that really involves responsibility, right? Taking care of someone's life and all. I haven't even started yet and already screwed up somehow! Hope I'm not gonna make things worse for him instead of helping him! Geez, where is MY guardian angel when I need one? By the way, where was my guardian angel when I fell into my bath tub? Gotta take a mental note to keep that question in mind until I meet God again!
I take deep breath and open the door.
I step into a room and take my sunglasses off. It's quite dark in here. Only a little lamp in the corner is spreading some light. A look at the clock at the wall tells me it is only five in the afternoon but it's already dark outside. Wait, Finland is in Scandinavia, right? And it's November so I guess that's normal. I turn around to see what the room looks like.
No! The blue door has disappeared! How am I supposed to get back to heaven? Shit!
What did Kurt say? Just focus on the place you wanna be and you will be there soon. Ok. Blue door, blue door, blue door! Nope, doesn't work. Damn. Oh, well, someone will come and pick me up if I won't come home, right? At least I hope so!
Anyway, I should start working. Whatever that's supposed to mean...
There are not many furniture in the room, only large shelves along the walls. At least half of them are filled with cds and records. Wow, must be a few thousands! Then there's a desk with a computer and some other electronic things that look like they have something to do with music or recording music. In one corner at least five guitars are leaning against the wall. I whistle admiring, these must be worth quite some money!
In another corner there's a huge bed. Only now I realize someone sitting on the bed. A guy is playing his guitar, he's wearing headphones, guess that's why I didn't hear any music. He's wearing a black woolen hat and glasses. He's all lost in his music. Wonder what he's playing.
I go closer. He suddenly raises his head and looks into my direction. Does he see me? No, his eyes go straight through me.
So, what am I supposed to do now? I sit down next to him and watch him.
"Hi there, I'm Rita, your guardian angel. Nice to meet you," I say. Of course he doesn't hear me but it makes me feel less awkward. He just keeps playing his guitar.
After a while his phone rings.
"Hello? Yes. I don't know... but... no... alright, I'm coming," he tells the person on the other side of the line. Then he hangs up and sighs.
"Pauli here, Pauli there. Do this, do that," he mutters, "why can't I never say no? Why am I always doing everything they want from me?"
He leaves and smashes the door.
At least I know his name now. Hey, I used to have a cat named Pauli! Should I follow him? Of course, dumbass! How am I supposed to look after him if I don't follow?
I jump up. What the fuck is that? I can touch the doorknob but I can't turn it! I'm locked! How do I get out of here? Damn.
"Hello? Can someone hear me?" I shout through the dark room. "Kurt? God? Anyone?"


5
How long have I been sitting here in the darkness? More then nine hours, that's what the clock at the wall tells me.
Damn, I so wish I would have been to that work shop! Or at least read my 'Rules of Heaven' book! It's not just that I'm invisible, no, I also can't move anything. I mean, I can touch things but no matter how hard I push or pull, they don't move! And focusing on the place I wanna go doesn't work either! There must be a trick, I'm sure, I just haven't figured out yet how this works!
Thank God, I'm hearing steps! Someone's coming! Finally!
The door flies open and Pauli stumbles through. Holy shit, he's drunk like hell. I can just jump out of his way when he lets himself fall at the bed. And only seconds later he's sleeping and snoring loudly.
Great. What now? Watch him sleep? I stand in front of his bed for a while, unsure about what to do. Doesn't look like he's going to wake up any soon. Guess I can sleep now, too. I cuddle up at the edge of the bed and try to find some rest.
When I open my eyes again something feels weird. Why can't I breathe properly? It takes me a while until I realize that my face is squeezed against the wall. I try to turn around and get up. Pauli is still snoring next to me, his body spread all over the bed. How come he can push me against the wall when I'm actually not here? Well, I mean I'm here but not really, am I? Damn, I really should have gone to that work shop!
I yawn and stretch my body. My neck is all sore. I get up and pull my fur straight. That stupid hood keeps falling into my eyes. I really wish I could take this costume off!
So, what am I gonna do now? Pauli is still sleeping and I still have no idea how to get out of here. I walk around the room. At least it's a sunny day so I can take a closer look at his belongings. I still wonder how I am supposed to guard a person if I can't even move a tiny light switch?
Except for the cds, guitars and computer stuff there's not much to see. Hardly anything personal. Ok, a cd collection actually is pretty personal but there are no pictures or something like that. Only one photograph is pinned at the wall next to the computer. It shows four guys, one of them is Pauli though he has longer hair and wears different kind of glasses. Then there's another long haired guy with glasses and one with short brown hair. Oh, and look, Captain Peroxide! The fourth guy has very blonde hair. I guess that's the band.
Hey, Pauli woke up! Oh my fuckin' Lord! A little furry animal has exploded on his head! No, wait, he just lost his beanie. Maybe my mission is to talk him into a proper hair cut?
He's sitting on the edge of his bed, rubbing his face. He stays there, motionless. At least for ten minutes. Then he slowly gets up and walks towards a door. The bathroom. He slams the door shut. Great, again I'm stuck in that room but actually I don't really feel like I need to be with Pauli when he's in the bathroom. Suddenly he comes back. Holy crap! He's naked! That's what I was just talking about! I quickly turn away and cover my eyes with my hands. Whoo, thank God, I hear him going back to the bathroom an shutting the door.
I sigh. Why do I get the feeling this job sucks? I mean, what can I do that could help Pauli? I don't even know what his problem is! And I definitely won't find out if he's either sleeping or playing guitar or not in the same room than I am. I wonder if people in hell have to work, too.
"No, you don't have to work in hell."
I turn around. Kurt's grinning at me.
"So what's hell like then?"
"You have to do things you really hate all day long. Like listening to Celine Dion or something like that. Everyone has his or her own personal hell."
That makes sense.
"Man, I'm glad you're here!" Finally someone who can get me out of here!
"I'm not here to get you out of here," he says.
I sigh again. "So what are you here for then? Wait, did you just read my mind?"
Kurt nods.
"But why can't I ..."
"You can do it, too," he interrupts me and rolls his eyes. "Have you just one time looked into you're 'Rules of Heaven' book?"
I blush. "Well, you know, first I was too drunk, then I was asleep and then you took me here. Is it my fault that this bear suit doesn't have pockets? I couldn't take it with me!"
"Alright, reading someone's mind works like this. You have to...."
Pauli comes out of the bathroom. Fully dressed, thank God. He grabs his jacket and keys and rushes towards the front door.
I look from Kurt to Pauli and back to Kurt. Guess I should follow him.
"So what are you waiting for?" Kurt says, "Hurry up!"
I manage to slip through the door before Pauli closes it. He walks down the stairs, leaves the house and takes a bike that's leaning against a lamp post.
Hey, if he's going by bike now, how am I supposed to... No! He's leaving on the bike! Fuck! I start running. Luckily he's not driving to fast but still, I hate sports and I'm not a great runner, so please let this be over soon! Please!
Ten minutes later he stops in front of a huge building. Pauli gets off his bike, locks it and walks through the automatic sliding door. It closes before I can follow him. Damn, I really need to remember to stay closer to him. What now?
I jump up and down waving my arms, hoping to trigger the mechanism that opens the door. Nothing. Maybe the mental thing will work now.
Open, door! Open up! Come on, for fuck's sake, open up, door! Wow, it's working! I'm a genius! Oh, no, wait, Pauli opened it. Whatever, as long as he's back! He's carrying a brown box. Wonder what's in there.
Shit, he's already back on his bike and rolling down the street. I run after him but this time he speeds up. No! Wait! I run as fast as I can, trying to keep up with him but he's faster. I see him turning into another street. When I finally reach it, he's gone.
Damn! Have I already mentioned that I hate this job?
I bend forward, gasping for air. I feel a stitch in my side. Outsch.
"Man, you're condition is like non-existent!"
I raise my head, have to push the bear-hood out of my eyes.
"Shut up... Kurt," I reply still panting heavily, "how... on earth... did you... come... here so fast?"
"Where's your client?" he grins nastily. "Lost him?"
I blush.
"Loosing your client on the first day is not very professional!"
"I didn't exactly loose him. He was just... quicker! I just have to go back to his place, he will show up there sooner or later!"
"And where is his place?"
I look back down the street and point into the direction I'd been coming from.
Kurt laughs. "Man, you're really screwing up on this! Come on, I'll help you!"
He offers me his hand. What's that for?
"Are you afraid I get lost if I'm not holding your hand?"
Kurt rolls his eyes. "Just take it!"
I shrug my shoulders but do what he tells me.
Suddenly we are in a room. Looks like a basement. Instruments and speaker boxes are standing around, an old sofa in one corner, a refrigerator in another. Some posters on the walls. This must be...
"That's the rehearsal room," Kurt explains.
Oh, really? Never had guessed without your help!
"Stop these sarcastic thoughts!"
"Stop reading my mind!" What's up with all these heaven-people? Haven't they ever heard about privacy?
The door opens up. Some guys rush in. It takes me a while to realize that these are the same people like on the photo I've seen this morning. They look kinda different, the long haired guy has short hair, the short haired guy has longer hair. And Captain Peroxide has turned into a black haired guy. Dude, ever thought about brushing your hair?
They are in a good mood, laughing and chatting. Where's Pauli?
There he is, coming through the door, just mumbling a silent "Hi." He drops the brown box on the floor in front of the couch.
"Did you bring them?" the guy with the short hair wants to know.
Pauli nods.
"Bring what?" Ex-Captain Peroxide asks.
"The new autograph cards!"
The guys rip open the box excited, looking at the cards, laughing and talking all at the same time.
I sigh. "Man, you really gotta teach me how to read people's minds! Otherwise I'll never find out what's wrong with Pauli!"
Kurt nods into Pauli's direction. "Do you really have to read his mind to see what's going on with him?"
Pauli is sitting on the arm of the sofa. He's holding a card in his hands and stares at it silently. Not like the others he doesn't seem to be excited.
I place myself next to him to take a look at the card. It shows the four guys posing on some stairs. They all wear black clothes, quite stylish. Three of them look into the camera with attitude, seeming to be very cool, almost a bit cocky. Only Pauli doesn't really fit in. He's standing more in the background and doesn't seem to feel comfortable at all.
Pauli lets the photo slide to the ground and mutters silently so that the others can't hear him.
"Yeah, right. Great picture."



6
"I don't like the picture," the one with the longish hair says.
They all stop talking and look at him.
"Why not, Eero?" the short haired guy asks.
"Don't you see it, Aki? We don't look like a band. It almost seems like Pauli's just a random stranger that walked past when they took the photo!"
So this two guys are called Eero and Aki. Wonder what the fourth one's name is.
"Lauri," Kurt replies next to me.
Man, they have unusual names.
"That's normal Finnish names."
"Kurt, stop it!"
"What?"
"The mind reading!"
This is fucking rude! And I bet you just heard this as well!
"Sorry," he mumbles. Then he shoves me and points at the guys.
They are all quiet and stare at the cards.
Lauri clears his throat. "Ehrm, well, we just send them back. You're right, the pic doesn't look right!"
"Yeah and you know what? We pick a photo ourselves and send it to the management. That will save us from unpleasant surprises like this one," Aki adds and puts his arm around Pauli's shoulders.
Pauli smiles weakly.
"Guys, it's really not a big deal. We can keep those, I don't care."
"No," Eero throws the cards back into the box and closes the lit, "we're gonna send them back!"
"If you really think so," Pauli mumbles.
Lauri grins. "Of course! And now it's time to rock!"
Aki takes place behind the drum kit, Eero takes a bass, Pauli grabs his guitar and Lauri attaches a microphone to a stand.
Aki hits his drum sticks together. "One, two, three, four!"
Hey, not bad! Very melodic but still rocky, I really wonder why they haven't hit the U.S. big times yet!
"Hey, you're not here to have fun! You got a job to do!"
I roll my eyes and watch Pauli. Now he looks happy again. Guess music is what he's living for.
"So where is his problem? I mean, the thing with the photo sucked but it's not that bad! These guys really seem to care about each other!"
"He's not happy."
"I think he looks very happy right now!"
"As long as it's all about the music he is happy indeed. But he has really struggled with his self confidence lately. You know, with the success of the band came all the attention of the media. At first he could handle it quite well, thought he was fine with not talking much during interviews. He always saw himself more like the quiet guy in the background who's responsible for the music. You know, he's not just a great guitar player but also a very good producer. He never liked giving interviews anyway. But then the press people started to concentrate mostly on Lauri as he's the lead singer and the girls' favorite. I have no idea when it happened and I think Pauli doesn't know either but one day his confidence started to crumble. Somehow he started to feel like he wasn't important anymore, like no one cared about him. And though on one hand he knows that his band mates and friends do care about him, on the other hand he just feels left behind. He's starting to dislike himself." Kurt sighs. "I hate the press. It sucks you up and spits you out."
He turns towards me and grins. "But I guess you know about my relationship to the media and the pressure they can put on you!"
"Hey, are you telling me Pauli's about to shoot his head off?"
"Nah, not everyone is as stupid as I am," Kurt laughs, "he just needs some support to find out and accept who he is."
"Where was your guardian angel when you killed yourself?" I ask curiously.
"Sitting next to me and watching me die."
I gulp. "You mean, I'm not the only angel who sucks in doing her job?"
Kurt grins. "Actually he had done his job quite well! But you know, guardian angels are not almighty. And neither is God."
I look at him. "God is not?"
"Look at all the wars and catastrophes! She's not!"
"But why..."
"When she created the humans she had two choices. Making creatures that can think and act on their owns or making creatures who just do what she wants. She thought it would be boring if she was the only one who can tell them what to do. And also she trusted into them to be responsible and conscientious. Oh well, I guess she overestimated her work a bit. And after all, there's still Satan who tries to screw up things!"
"What about earthquakes and stuff?"
"Satan!"
"Massmurderer?"
"Satan."
"Techno music?"
"Satan."
"Kelly Family?"
"God's weird humor."
"Oh, ok. But I think I get what you mean."
I wonder if God's the one who created everything she must have also been the one who made Satan.
"That's a long story, I'll tell you another time."
"Hey!" I start to complain about...
"Yeah, the mind reading, I know," Kurt replies and rolls his eyes. "Wait till you can do it yourself, guess you won't complain then!"
"Then show me how it works!"
Kurt takes deep breath. "Ok. It goes like this. You have to concentrate on the person whose mind you wanna read. Kind of like you try to listen to something that you can hardly hear. That's all!"
That's all? Doesn't sound to difficult. Let's try Pauli. He's playing his guitars, bopping his head slightly to the rhythm.
Suddenly I hear Kurt laughing.
"What?" I ask roughly.
"No need to pinch your eyes and knitting your brows! That just makes you look stupid!"
"Shut up! I'm trying to concentrate!"
Doesn't work.
"Actually Pauli has a pretty complex mind. Maybe you should try someone easier." Kurt looks at the other guys. "Try Aki."
Alright. Aki is hitting the skins heavily, making the typical 'drummer-face'. Wonder if he thinks about something he's angry about. At least that what he looks like.
I stare at him. Listen closely. Suddenly I can hear something. It's very far away. Come on, girl! Focus! It comes closer, becomes louder, clearer! Oh my god! I can't believe it! It's working! I just need to focus a tiny bit more!
And then I hear it. Loud and clear.
"One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four..."


7
"Don't be disappointed, hardly anyone becomes a mind reading professional at the first day."
Great, easy for you to talk, Kurt! Cause you already are a professional!
"Yeah, but I've been dead for over ten years now, lots of time to practice."
I sigh. "But how am I supposed to do my job if I can't do anything? I mean, we've been practicing for two hours now and all I could get was Aki's counting and that one time when Eero thought about his favorite color! You still haven't shown me how to get from one place to another without running myself. Or how can I move things? Can I move things at all? And when do I..."
"Easy, girl!" Kurt interrupts me. "Rome wasn't build in a day either, it's not like you're running out of time! Death is eternal."
"I'm dead but Pauli is not, what if he's running out of time?"
Of course it sucks that I'm not able to do one single basic angel thing but what if something bad happens to Pauli? What if he screws up his life cause I screw up my job?
Kurt lays his arm around my shoulder and smiles at me.
"Hey, don't worry. God knows you're a beginner, she doesn't give really difficult jobs to rookies. I don't know Pauli's file in detail but he's not about killing himself any minute or something like that. He just needs some support in his life at the moment. And that can wait till tomorrow. Let's go home."
I nod. "Good, I'm really tired. I didn't expect mind reading to be so strenuous!"
Kurt laughs. "Guess that comes more from your hangover than from mind reading."
"Oh shut up! Come on, take us home!"
Kurt smirks. "Nope. You're gonna take us home!"
"Goddammit, Kurt, you know I can't do this!"
"Well, then, guess you gotta learn it quickly!"
He leans against the wall, crosses his arms and grins. "I'm not gonna do anything."
Man, I really wanna go back to my room, fall into my bed and sleep for at least 20 hours! Ok, what did he say before? Concentrate on the place you wanna go to. Does that mean I have to focus on my room, on the blue door or what?
"Try the blue door."
I throw an annoyed glance at Kurt. Wipe that stupid grin off your lips! You could at least give me a little hint or something!
"Nope!"
"Please?"
"Did these puppy eyes work when you were still alive?"
I nod and try it again. "Please?"
Kurt sighs. "Damn, seems like they still work when you're dead. Ok, you have to think of the door, like painting a picture of it in your mind. And then it will appear." Kurt shrugs his shoulders. "I don't really know how to explain it properly, that's just how I do it."
Next try. Can't be so hard if any other dead person is able to do it. I try to remember the door, what it looked like, the color and the shape. Ok, I see the picture in my head, what now? Concentrate on it. Blue door, blue door, blue door, blue door...
"Blue door!" I shout from the top of my lungs.
Kurt stares at me and rubs his ears. "What was that for? It works without deafening innocent people, you know?"
I chuckle and point to the left. The door has appeared in a corner. Yes! I'm a genious!
Kurt laughs. "No, you're not, that's just beginner's luck. Ok, let's go home. And don't forget your sunglasses!"
In that very moment the door to the rehearsal room flies open and bangs against the wall. Three men enter the room. The band stops playing.
"Good evening, girls!" The guy who has shouted this smiles and imitates one of these old fashioned bows. He staggers and grabs another guy's arm to pull himself up straight again. Man, he's drunk like hell! Wait, I remember his face, he's that one guy that Bam Margera fancies.
"That's Ville Valo from the band Him," Kurt explains, "and Bam is just a fan!"
Yeah, what ever.
The band doesn't seem to bee too excited to see him. Pauli and Aki concentrate conspicuously on their instruments, Eero rolls his eyes, Lauri just stares at Ville.
"Ville," Eero sighs, "what do you want here? We don't have any Jägermeister if that's what you were coming for."
Ville laughs, swallows the wrong way and starts coughing. One his companions hits Ville's back until the coughing stops.
"Damn, Heinonen, that was almost funny! What happened? Did you decide to return your 'most boring bass player'-award?"
Lauri steps forward. "What the fuck do you want, Valo?" he hisses angrily.
Ville places his left hand on Lauri's cheek and grins.
"How sweet, cute little Lauri is trying to be the bad one!"
Lauri hits Ville's hand away. Wow, these two guys really seem to dislike each other!
"You really wanna know how bad I can be? Let's go outside! What's up? Are you scared now?" Lauri shouts.
But Ville just starts laughing again. "Oooohoo, yeah, I'm really scared to death!"
Lauri puts his hands on Ville's shoulders and pushes him back.
"Lauri, please," Ville giggles, "you know I can beat you anytime, even if I'm drunk and you're not!"
"Come on," Lauri shouts angrily and shoves him again, "I'll show you!"
Ville's smile disappears. "Don't shove me ever again!"
Lauri laughs. "Why not?" Then he shoves him again.
Suddenly they jump on each other and start to fight.
"Ville! Lauri!"
Ville's friends and the band try to separate them. Aki and Eero hold Lauri back, Ville's people do the same with him.
"Come on, guys, relax," Pauli says. "Don't let him provoke you, Lauri! That's just what he's waiting for! Besides that he's too drunk to understand what he's doing anyway."
"Hey, I'm not drunk!" Ville complains. Then he giggles. "Ok, I am."
"So what did you come here for?" Aki asks.
Ville scratches his head. "Hm... wait, I'll remember, give me a second." He stares at the ceiling. Then he smiles. "Oh, yeah, now I got it! They sent me here to tell you something!"
"And what would that be?" Aki asks impatiently.
Again Ville stares at the ceiling, lost in his thoughts. "Something about Ireland..." he mumbles and nods. "Right, you know that festival in Ireland? One of the other bands has cancelled and now you're gonna play. Seppo's gonna call you later."
Who's Seppo?
"Their manager," Kurt explains.
"But that's already in two days!" Eero says.
Ville grins. "Too bad, Seppo has already confirmed your appearance! So I guess I see you all then, my little princesses!"
"Fuck you," Lauri mumbles.
Ville shakes his head. "Oh, Ylönen, you'll never learn, huh?"
Then he turns around and leaves the room with his friends.
"What an asshole," Pauli sighs after the door has been shut.
"Yeah, he's really going on my nerves," Eero adds.
And suddenly I can hear someone's thoughts.
"But he has a nice ass!"
Who the hell thought that?


8
Great, finally I read some interesting thoughts and then I can’t tell whose they were. That sucks.
“Kurt, did you just heart that?”
Kurt looks at me. “What? Sorry, wasn’t listening. Was thinking about what to get for dinner!
“One of the guys thought that Ville has a nice ass. Any idea who it was?”
Kurt laughs. “Really? Well, no idea. Guess you gotta find out yourself!”
“Can’t you read their minds quickly? Please?”
Kurt sighs but looks silently at the guys for a few moments. Then he shakes his head.
“Too late, they are all thinking about that Ireland gig right now. Come on, let’s go home!”
We step through the blue door and are back in heaven.
“Wanna come with me to get something to eat?” Kurt asks.
“No, thanks, I just wanna go to bed,” I reply, “by the way, thanks for your help today!”
“You’re welcome,” he grins, “why don’t you show me what you’ve learned today? Beam us to your room!”
I grin. “Beam?”
“Don’t you know Star Trek? Beam me up, Scottie? How else would you call what we are doing here?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Dunno. Guess it kinda fits.”
“So?”
“So what?”
“Beam us to your room.”
Oh, yeah, right. Gotta focus on my room. Room, room, room, room, room… I hate this! Why doesn’t anything work the way I want?
“Room!” I scream impatiently.
Kurt shrugs together slightly shocked but suddenly we are standing in my room. Cool!
“Damn,” Kurt sighs, “you really gotta work on this, my ears are still ringing from your scream!”
“As long as it works, “ I mumble and let myself fall on the bed.
“Alright then, gonna go now, sleep tight, Rita," Kurt smiles and leaves the room.
I'd never expected to be so tired, I mean, I'm dead but there's really no difference to being alive and having a job.

Today the band is flying to Ireland to play at that festival. Think it's gonna be great, some really cool bands are playing. Ash, Jet, Therapy?, Him and The Rasmus. Haven't heard anything of Him yet but the other bands rock.
Yesterday I spent the whole day with practicing my angel skills. Pauli didn't do much except for rehearsing, packing and sleeping so I had enough time for that. Though I didn't make much process. I can beam myself to different places now but still only when I shout out my destiny really loud. I've read in my Rules of Heaven that I'm able to move things but haven't figured that out yet. Gotta ask Kurt to show me how when I see him again. And the mind reading... well, I guess that I don't have a lot of talent for this. Aki is quite easy to read, he thought mostly about food and the rhythm he has to keep. The others are more difficult, only when they thought about some random stuff I could hear their thoughts. Nothing interesting to mention though, like Lauri thinking about how to extend his shoulder tattoo and Eero remembering to buy diapers. Pauli... well, he's either brain dead and doesn't think anything at all or he's a master of building up a wall. Looks like I have to trust into my knowledge of human nature to get my job done. Until now he hasn't acted unusually, he just seems to be quiet person all lost in his music but with a good sense of humor. Not to mention that he's a great guitar player. Maybe I'll find out something more when I see him being faced with the public and the media at the festival today.
And I still haven't found out who's the one that fancies Ville's ass. Damn, I'm dying to find out about that!
Had to get up at five this morning which was really hard. What happened to the good old times when rock stars used to sleep till late afternoon, playing a show and then partying until four a.m.? At least the band didn't like getting up early, too, so I wasn't the only complaining. The flight to Ireland was ok, neither any luggage nor any of the guys got lost. Now we're driving from the airport to the festival ground.
I'm sitting on Aki's lap as there isn't any free seat left for me. Ha, wonder what he would think if he knew a girl in a bear costume is sitting on him! If there's one thing I've learned about him so far then it's that he likes any person that looks slightly female. From "Hey, baby, why don't you sit next to me?" to "Woohoo, great tits!" he has thought anything a guy is supposed to think about women. But except for a few smiles he didn't do much, maybe it was too early for him to talk to girls. At least I can exclude him from my suspicions about fancying Ville.
"Are we there yet?" Aki asks impatiently.
Eero shakes his head. "No, we gotta drive about two hours to get there."
"Oh," Aki sighs and looks out of the window and whistles a melody.
Pauli yawns, leans his head against the window frame and dozes away. Eero starts a conversation with the driver, asking about the area we're driving through.
I stare at Lauri. When we're stuck in that car now anyway I can use this time for some mind reading practice. Lauri looks at himself in the rearview mirror. Damn, Aki stop whistling, I can't concentrate! I slap his shoulder and wow! He has felt it! How did that happen? Cool!
"Hey, don't punch me!" he complains.
Lauri turns towards him. "What? I didn't do anything!"
Hehe, that leaves a whole new possibilities to play some funny tricks on them when I'm bored! I poke Lauri into the side but he doesn't notice it. I try to hit Aki again but no, it doesn't work either. Too bad but I'm gonna work on that.
Back to Lauri. He's peeling some dirt away from underneath his fingernails. Focus, girl!
"I should always paint my nails black so nobody could see the dirt. How come my nails are dirty every morning even if I've cleaned them before I went to bed? Do I sleepwalk and dig in dirt somewhere outside? Or is my bed that dirty? Should change the sheets more often. Or maybe there's a tiny bit dirt left and it grows during the night? There could be tiny creatures living under my nails. Who build up a whole colony over night! A tiny kingdom of tiny people with tiny houses and tiny stores, schools, hospitals, nightclubs. Even tiny strippers that dance on a tiny pole. Wow."
Ok, enough of that. This guy starts to scare me a little bit. I look at Aki.
"Are we there yet? What about now? Or now?" he thinks. I feel that he's dying to ask Eero again but he knows that Eero won't be happy if he keeps asking that question.
"Boring. Boooooring," he goes on, "hope there are a few hot chicks at the festival. That guitar player of Ash is quite cool. Maybe she will... oh, look there's a cow that's completely white! Hi, white cow!" He waves through the window. "Are we there yet? What time is it? Man, I had too much coffee this morning!"
Aki clears his throat and pokes Eero into his shoulder.
"Eero, can we stop quickly? I really need to pee!"
Eero rolls his eyes. "Aki, we've only been driving since half an hour! You've been to the bathroom at the airport, haven't you?"
"Yeah, but..."
"You got a bladder like a little girl!"
"Sorry, blame coffee," Aki mumbles ashamed.
Eero sighs and tells the driver to stop. Aki jumps out of the car, runs to the next tree. A few moment later he returns visibly relieved. He gets back in and grins.
"Ok, let's go on!"
The rest of the drive is pretty quiet. Everyone falls asleep except for Eero who keeps talking to the driver. Guess I can take a little nap now, too. I lean my lay my head on Aki's shoulder and close my eyes. Hey, he's quite comfortable, nice!
Finally we reach the festival ground. Lots of young people are standing next to the gate to the backstage area. As the car doesn't have darkened windows they see who's sitting inside. Most of the girls start to scream, some hold up posters. I read a few signs that are dedicated to Lauri and Aki. Didn't expect them to have these teeny-like fans!
And suddenly I can hear Pauli's thoughts.
"Will they ever scream for me?"



9
Aww, no, come on, I'm sure some of them are screaming for you, too, Pauli! And who needs screaming teenagers anyway? I'll scream for you! Woohoo, Pauli!
He has turned his face away from the window and stares at his hands. He tries not to look sad but he still does. I climb over Lauri's legs, sit down on Pauli's lap and hug him tightly. Maybe this comforts him a little. Well, I doubt it as Aki hadn't felt anything when I punched him a second time but whatever... at least it makes me feel a bit better. Pauli really deserves a better guardian angel than me.
"Show me your ten inch, Aki," Lauri giggles.
Ten inch? Hm, impressing! But why is Lauri saying this? Is he the one who likes Ville's ass? No, he has just read out loud one of the fans' posters.
"If they only knew," Eero grins, "guess some of them would be pretty disappointed!"
Sounds like the end of a legend.
The car stops behind the stage. Aki rips the door open.
"Bathroom!" He shouts and off he is.
That guy is pretty fast for having short legs!
I follow the other guys around. Somehow I'd expected the backstage area of a festival to be more exciting. But there are only all kind of people carrying around equipment. The band enters a small trailer. Inside is an office.
"Hi, we are The Rasmus. We're here to check in and to get our backstage passes," Eero explains to the young woman behind the desk.
She smiles. "Welcome! You're crew has already arrived earlier today. Please show me your ID cards and sign here after you got your backstage passes."
The woman hands out the passes and some sheets of paper.
"This is the schedule for today, it shows you the times of your sound check, press appointments and gig. On the back you find a map of the festival ground, pointing out the catering, the press area and the backstage lounge. Please be always on time, otherwise it's really hard for us to run the show without complications."
She checks her documents.
"Which one of you is Aki Hakala?"
"He went to the bathroom. I can take his pass," Lauri offers.
The woman shakes her head. "I'm sorry but he has to sign this first." She taps on her documents with her pen.
Lauri shrugs his shoulders. "Alright, we'll send him here if we see him. Bye."
They leave the trailer and wander around the festival ground.
"I'm really hungry," Eero complains, "where is that goddamn catering area?"
"Why are you always that grumpy if you hadn't had any food for two hours?" Lauri asks laughing.
"Hey, I'm tall, I need food," Eero mumbles, "and maybe you'd grow a few inches if you ate more!"
Shut up! Being small has also advantages, you know?"
"Which one? Better sight on tall women's boobs?" Pauli wants to know and chuckles.
Lauri gives him a cheeky grin. "For example!"
"Finally!" Eero sighs relieved and steps into a large tent. There's a huge buffet at one of the long sides. "See you later!" Eero runs towards the filled plates and bowls.
Pauli and Lauri just get a cup of coffee and sit down at one of the tables.
"I wonder when Aki will show up," Lauri wonders.
"He's probably stuck with some girls," Pauli replies, "he'll show up sooner or later to get some food."
I look at Pauli. Is he jealous at Aki? No, doesn't look like it. Seems like he has just stated a fact about Aki.
In that moment a girl joins them at the table. It's the guitar player of Ash, Charlotte.
"Hi," she says and smiles at Pauli. "You probably don't know me but I just wanted to tell you that I admire your work." She blushes and grins. "Now I just sounded like an embarrassing fan, didn't I?"
Pauli laughs silently and blushes, too. "No, you didn't. But thank you. And actually I do know you, you're from Ash, right?"
She nods.
"You're a great guitarist and I'm not just returning a compliment."
"Why don't you sit down?" Lauri asks.
Charlotte smiles and sits down.
"Thanks. So what I want to know..."
Pauli and Charlotte start a conversation about guitars.
"I'll get something to eat," Lauri says and gets up but neither of them is really paying attention to him.
Actually they look pretty cute together! Though, like always, I can't read anyone's mind, Pauli seems to be happy. Good. No sad thoughts anymore.
I'm bored. I don't know anything about guitars. And after all they don't look like they need my company. I walk over to Lauri and Eero who are stuffing food into their mouths silently.
"Good," Eero mutters through some pasta.
"Yeah," Lauri replies.
Another great conversation I don't want to miss... not! Maybe I should keep an eye on Aki. He's been away since half an hour now and God has told me to watch all of the band. That's my chance to do my job properly. And after all Aki is quite fun to watch.
I have no idea where to find him so I can't beam myself there. The last thing I know is that he went to the bathroom.
"Bathroom!" I shout and with the blink of an eye I'm standing next to a bunch of guys lined up in front of the wall peeing. Oh, please, that's nothing I wanna see! I quickly look around to see if Aki's here, then I leave the room. I go to the office trailer and peek over the woman's shoulder to see if Aki has already got his backstage pass but he hasn't been here yet. Where the hell is he?
I walk around a bit but still no sign of Aki. Actually I could take a little break, I mean, what on earth could happen to him at a festival? Nothing to bad I guess. The sun is shining brightly. I sit down on the stairs to the stage and take a crumpled pack of cigarettes out of my bear sleeve. I light one up and inhale the smoke deeply. Actually this is pretty cool! I'm at a rock festival with great bands, the weather is fine, I didn't have to pay anything to get here... if I had a cold beer now, it would be perfect!
"Uuaahhrg!"
Now what the fuck was that? I turn around but the next person I see is 20 feet away.
"Sorry," I hear a voice, followed by coughing.
It came from the left but I can't see anyone.
"I'm down here," the voice shouts.
I gulp.
Then I rub my eyes.
I clear my throat.
"Ehrm..."
"What?"
What? I know I probably look like I just had an apparition but well, actually I really do believe I'm having one right now!
"Who... what... are you?
The tiny creature stares at me. It's a little man, maybe four inch small. He has messy red hair, is wearing blue jeans, Doc Marten's boots and a black leather jacket. The jacket is torn at the back, a pair of greenish transparent wings are sticking through the holes. And he has just thrown up next to my foot. He quickly wipes some splashes of puke off my shoe with his sleeve and grins at me excusing.
"Sorry," he mutters and lets himself fall at the stairs.
I don't know what to say and stare at him.
He totters slightly and looks back at me.
"What? Have you never seen a drunk man puking?" He sighs. "I know, bad way to introduce myself, guess I drowned my manners in Guinness. I'm Sean."
He offers me his hand. I reach down, he grabs my pinkie and shakes it.
"You're not very talkative, are you?" He asks.
"I'm... you... what the fuck are you?" I stutter still shocked.
Sean frowns. "You're also not one of the brightest it seems!" He turns his back towards me and waves with his wings. "Small, wings, what do you think?"
"I don't know... a fairy?"
Sean grins. "Bingo! Guess you're not as stupid as I thought!"
"Wow, I always thought fairies don't exist!"
"Yeah, but angels do, huh?"
He's got a point there. "But..."
"Dude, you're in Ireland! It's full of fairies! And we surly won't miss a great concert like this!" He slaps at the pockets of his jacket then he smiles at me.
"Got a fag?"
I grab my cigarettes. "Sure but one is as big as you are, how are you gonna smoke it?"
"Let that be my problem," he replies.
In that moment I hear Aki's voice. I jump up and wave at Sean.
"Bye, was nice talking to you!" Then I follow Aki's voice.
Two large men in black clothes are taking him to the exit.
"What about the smoke?" I hear Sean next to my ear. He's following me flying.
"You are misunderstanding me," Aki tells the two guys, "I do have a backstage pass, I just didn't have an opportunity to pick it up yet!"
"Sure, that's what they all say," one of the men replies and opens the gate. "No pass, no backstage!"
With these words he shoves Aki through the opening and closes the gate again. Aki looks through the fence.
"Please, I'm serious, I'm from The Rasmus! Don't leave me here!"
Suddenly I hear a girl screaming. "There's Aki!"
I turn into her direction and then I see them. A huge crowd of screaming girls is running towards Aki. The last thing I hear is a despairing and subdued shout of him.
"Please, let me back in!"



10
"Poor guy," Sean giggles and flies towards Aki. Seems like he's still pretty drunk cause he has difficulties to fly straight and crashes against the fence. Slowly he slides down to the ground. He rubs his little head and moans.
I pick him up and place him on my palm.
"Hurt yourself, little fellow?" I ask with some pity in my voice.
"Ey, don't call me little!" He complains.
I shrug my shoulders. "Well, sorry but actually you are!"
"It's always a matter of comparison. Next to a bug I look huge!"
"Yeah, what ever," I sigh and turn towards Aki.
He's surrounded by screaming girls, they all try to ask for an autograph and to touch him at the same time. The girls have pushed him against the fence. How am I getting him out of there?
"So who's that bloke?" Sean asks curiously.
"I'm kind of his guardian angel," I explain.
The little fairy grins. "Looks like you suck in doing your job properly."
Dumbass. I give him a cold look and let him drop to the floor.
"Ey!" He complains, slaps his wings and lands on my shoulder. "I always thought angels were sweet and lovely people!"
"And I always thought fairies were beautiful little girls that sit on flowers all day long."
Sean snorts scorned. "Us fairies, we are a serious party people! And actually, yes, our girls are beautiful! But forget that shit about the flowers, that's just some crap from these bloody books." Then he points at Aki. "And now you should better get this guy away from these crazy girls before they have ripped him into pieces!"
I look at Aki. He really looks kind of desperate. The security guards are standing on the safe side of the fence and laugh their asses off. Obviously now they have recognized that Aki really is one of the artists.
"Do you think we should get him back?" one of them asks.
The other one chuckles. "Let's give the girls another minute."
Aki turns his head towards the guys. "Ehrm, excuse me, would you please get me out of here?"
One of them sighs. "Ok."
He opens the gate and shouts. "Alright now girls, step back! Would you please return this gentleman? If possible in one piece, we need him for the show tonight!" Then he grabs Aki's shoulder and pulls him back behind the fence.
"Phew, thanks, guys," Aki sighs with relief.
Sorry but I have to laugh out loud, he just looks too funny. His glasses are lop-sided, his hair is messed up, his shirt is torn in the front and he even has a scratch across his left cheek. Wow, this girls must really have been excited to see him!
"I hope that taught you to always have your backstage pass with you!" the security guy grins.
"I told you I was about to get it but you didn't listen!" Aki complains.
"We're gonna take you to the office now," the other guard replies unimpressed.
Then they walk towards the office trailer. Guess Aki's safe now. Should go back to the rest of the band but don't really want to. I'd rather walk around the festival ground a bit. And after all, I don't think I'll miss out on anything considering the band. They all seemed quiet busy when I left. I should take this opportunity to see what's going on backstage at a festival.
While strolling around a bit I hear Sean's flapping wings next to my ear. Then he sits down on my shoulder and sighs.
"Sorry, need a little rest," he mumbles and strokes the brown plush he's sitting on. "This is pretty comfortable. Hey, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Why do bears wear fur?" He giggles.
I roll my eyes. "Guess you're gonna tell me."
"Cause they'd look stupid in an anorak!" He bursts into laughter, throws himself down and hammers with his little fists on my shoulder.
"Breathe, dude," I answer unimpressed, "there's no bear joke I haven't heard before."
Sean wipes some tears of his face. "So, where are we going?"
"What do you men with 'we'?" Does he think I'm gonna carry him around for the rest of the day? "Well, I, my dear Sean, am enjoying this festival for a while and then I will go back to the people I'm supposed to guard."
"Can I come?" He looks at me with huge eyes. "Please?"
Oh well, can't hurt to have a little company, can it?
We... sorry, I walk around for a while and find out that there's not much going on actually. Still only lots of people carrying around equipment. I pay a quick visit to the stage to see that The Rasmus are doing their sound check. I try to read their minds but only hear the usual stuff. And again only Aki.
Charlotte is standing next to the stage and watches Pauli playing guitar. Am I wrong or is that a huge smile on Pauli's face? Guess I'm not needed here at the moment.
I leave the stage keep on walking around. Sean has been pretty quiet during the last fifteen minutes.
"Yo, Sean!"
No response. I turn my head and try to see what he's doing.
Sean has cuddled up in the fur and sleeps peacefully. Drooling on my shoulder. Great. Carefully I grab his little jacket, pick him up and shake him slightly. He opens his eyes and stares at me. Then he yawns and stretches his arm.
"What?"
"I'm not your personal transportation, dude! If you wanna hang out with me you could at least stay awake!" I complain.
He gives me a remorseful look. "Sorry, but your shoulder was so warm and soft and rocking like a cradle..."
"Alright, alright, I get it. What are we gonna do now?"
Sean grins. "I know some people at the camp ground. Well, I don't actually know them cause they are humans and can't see me. But me and my fairy friends hang out with them and drink their beer."
A nice cold beer. That sounds good to me! "Sure, let's go!"
"That way!" Sean points at the huge fence that Aki had been standing behind before.
I sigh. "The gate is closed. How am I supposed to get over there?"
"You're an angel for fuck's sake, beam us to the party!"
"You know, I've been an angel only since a few days and I suck in beaming. I could try though." I shrug my shoulders.
"So? What are you waiting for?" Sean asks impatiently.
I have no idea what that party looks like so I can't paint that inner picture of it but whatever...
"Party!" I scream as loud as I can.
Nope, we didn't move anywhere. Well, I didn't but Sean is lying on the ground. He gets up, strokes some dust of his pants and flies back to my shoulder.
"What the hell?" He shouts at me angrily.
"Sorry," I mutter blushing, "I told you I suck in beaming!"
Sean flaps his wings and flies through the wholes of the fence. "Come on, let's get there the normal way."
I look to the top of the fence. That's at least two meters! But I guess I don't have another chance. Damn, my big brown bear feet are not very convenient when it comes to climbing anywhere. At least the fur saves me from getting hurt by the barbed wire that's attached to the top. With a loud moan I roll myself over the edge and fall ungracefully down to the ground.
"Sscrrrrtsssshh!"
Oh no! Please don't let this sound mean what I think it means! I hear Sean giggling uncontrollably which probably means that the sound meant exactly what I thought it did. Slowly I turn my head back as far as possible and pat at the fur. Great, a huge tear right below my left butt cheek. Oh well, at least I put on some nice underwear the day I died. And actually it's more my thigh that's visible now and not my ass.
I throw a cold glance at Sean that makes him shut up immediately.
"Take me to the beer," I tell him and he just silently points down the street.
A few minutes later we arrive at a tent. A bunch of young men sit around a table on camping chairs. They talk, laugh and drink. The typical festival camp ground scene.
Except for three little fairies that are lying between the glasses on the table. Sean buzzes towards his friends.
"Hey mates, look what I found!" he shouts at them.
A very drunk black haired fairy raises his head and looks at me with slightly crossed eyes.
"Hllooouu... Seanie, ma frrrnnd! Thanks for da bear!"
Sean sits down on the edge of a full beer glass. Another fairy joins him.
"Old Willie is too drunk to realize what he's saying. Dude, where are the hot chicks you were talking about? I mean, she's not that bad but she obviously has a weird fetish for costumes. And she's a little bit too big, isn't she?" Suddenly a huge grin shows up at his face. "Though I guess there are two things that can't be too big on a woman, right?" He slaps Sean's back.
"Whoa," Sean blurts out while he looses balance and falls into the beer. Sean slowly sinks to the ground of the glass. The other fairy just holds his stomach and laughs loudly.
"Hey, you little pervert," I say and shove him at the table with my index finger. Then I dunk my hand into the beer and pull little Sean out. I carefully place him on my palm.
"Sean, are you ok?"
His eyes are closed but he smiles and nods. Then he slowly sits up and grins at me.
"Hic! Maximum amount of hic! Beer in minimum hic! Amount of time! Hic!"
Doesn't look like I have to worry. I put him on the table and want to grab the pint of beer. But damn. I forgot. I'm dead. And I haven't figured out yet how to move things. I bend my head down above the glass to suck up some beer with my lips but the only result is four fairies collapsing in laughter and no beer for me.
"How come I can't drink? I mean, you could, too, Sean!"
Sean tries to pull himself together and stop laughing.
"You're an angel. You can't drink or eat anything from the human world. Hic!"
What? Why? Life's not fair! And death isn't either!
"Except..." Sean starts and winks at me conspiring.
"Except what?"
"Except you got hic! One of these!" He slowly pulls an enormous straw out of his jacket. Well, compared to him it's enormous otherwise it's just a normal straw. How did this fit into that tiny jacket?
"This is a magical straw," he explains smiling, "and through this you can drink anything you want! Here, you can keep it!"
"Really? Cool!" I try a few sips of one of these human's beer. Ah, nice and cold! "Thanks so much, Sean!"
"You're welcome, hun. But don't show it to your angel friends. You know, it's actually illegal to have."
"What do you mean with illegal?"
"Well, like not legal!" Sean rolls his eyes. "You're not allowed to have one. But as long as you won't tell anyone you won't get in trouble!"
Why should a straw get me in trouble at all? A little bit of beer hasn't hurt anyone yet. Probably that's just another of these stupid Rules of Heaven.
I hang out with the fairies for a while. Actually they are quite funny. When I catch a glimpse of one of the human's watch I realize that I've been here for more than two hours. If I remember correctly, the guys should be at the press tent right now giving interviews. I'd better beam myself back now. I get up. Whoo, drinking through a straw has always made me drunk quicker, seems like it's still the same now. I feel a bit dizzy but hey, I'm not gonna drive a car, so it won't matter.
"Alright, lil' fellas, gotta go back to work."
"We're not little!" They shout back in a choir.
"Watch out, guys, shut your ears!" Sean warns his friends.
"Why?" Willie asks.
"Just do it," Sean mumbles and presses his hands on his ears.
I wait till everyone has covered their ears then I wave at them and scream of the top of my lungs. "Press tent!"
It works. Good. Strangely I haven't landed somewhere in a corner and on my feet but on someone's lap. Guess beaming drunk is still like driving drunk. Should drink something else. The person I'm sitting on is holding a coke glass so I pull out my straw and take a sip. Eww! There's alcohol in the Coke or better, there's a bit Coke in the alcohol. Yuk!
I turn to see whose lap I'm sitting on. Surprise, it's that Ville guy. I quickly get up. I don't like him! He has made fun of my Rasmusses. Burn in hell for that, fucker!
"What do you think about The Rasmus as they are from Finland as you are as well?" The journalist points his microphone towards Ville.
He clears his throat. "Well, they are ok if you like pop music. Any form of music has it's right to exist, so I can't say anything against them. But let's pretend you're not from the press, then I'd say they suck."
"Why?"
"Just because. Their music sucks, the guys suck, everything sucks! They just try too hard to be the mysterious, hard rock guys but what ever they do, they'll stay little pop princesses! Especially that Ylönen guy, he's trying so hard to copy me that actually it's funny again. Poor little him. Wanna hear a joke?"
The journalist nods.
"The Rasmus!" Ville almost chokes on his own laughter.
Goddamn son of a bitch! How dare you? With full force I slap the back of his head. And it works! Surprised Ville drops his glass and spills his drink on the journalist's recording machine. It makes a funny noise, then it stops working.
The journalist jumps up and tries to rescue his machine but there's nothing to save. The recording of this interview is ruined.
Cool! Didn't plan that but couldn't have worked out better! I feel a bit sorry for the journalist cause he can't record any other interviews today but oh well! Could be worse.
"Maybe you should reduce your use of alcohol, Mr. Valo. It doesn't seem like you have your body functions under control!" Angrily the interviewer gets up and leaves a remorsed looking Ville.
Mission accomplished. I should look after my boys now.



11
I really feel sorry for the guys. I'd expected being a rockstar would be much more exciting. These journalists all keep asking the same questions. Again I try to kill some time with practicing mind reading. But still it's only Eero and Aki whose thoughts I can hear. And believe it or not, Eero really thinks about the interviewers' questions! I thought he'd know all the answers by heart by now but it seems like he's always looking for a new response. Though the answers don't get more interesting by that, he's really taking his job seriously. Aki's not.
He's playing with a little stuffed pig a fan has given him earlier.
"Oink, oink, I'm Peter Pig and I'm the best dancer in town!" Aki lets the puppet dance across his legs. "Night fever, night feveeer, lalalalala, what's the lyrics again? Man, that's a great movie. John Travolta in his beautiful white suit. I wish I had one like that! And these plateau shoes, awesome!"
Maybe Aki still is the one who thought about Ville's ass? I mean, he wants to look like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. That's just... wrong!
"I bet that are magic shoes, I mean, no one can dance this way just like that! Though I'm a pretty good dancer myself. Yeah, all the girls faint when I shake my bootie!"
Ok, maybe not. But maybe the girls faint out of fear?
"Right, left, cha-cha-cha, oh yeah, Patrick Swayze is a little fart compared to me!"
Oh, come on! You wish!
"Go, Peter! Go, Peter! Go, Peter! Show me what you got!" Aki throws the little pig in the air and makes it do a somersault.
"Where did you get that scratch on your cheek from?" The interviewer suddenly asks Aki.
Peter drops to the floor.
Aki stares at the journalist and realizes she is a good looking woman.
"Hey, she's hot, why haven't I seen that before. Gotta come up with a cool story. Quick!" Aki thinks and clears his throat.
"Erm, I ... got into a fight," he explains.
Lauri giggles. "Yeah, with some girls."
Aki throws an reproachful glance at him. The woman knits her brows.
"So you hit girls?" she asks slightly shocked.
Aki blushes. "No! I would never touch a girl!"
Lauri giggles even more.
"I mean, of course I touch girls! Very often actually!" Aki defends himself. "But only in a good way... and only... if they... want me to," he adds stuttering.
"So?" The interviewer raises an eyebrow. "What happened then?"
Aki sighs. "Alright, I got kicked off the festival ground cause I didn't have my backstage pass with me. And within a second I was surrounded by a huge crowd of girls that were waiting outside. They all wanted a part of me and were a little too stormy." He shrugs his shoulders and shows the woman his sweetest smile. "But well, who could blame them for wanting me?"
"Aha, ok," the journalist mutters. "Yes, sure, you wish," I hear her thinking.
Poor Aki, guess you didn't leave the impression you wanted, huh?
The interviewer turns to Eero and goes on with her boring questions.
I look at Pauli. He's sitting in the corner of the sofa and listens to what the others are saying. I take place on his lap. Maybe it's easier to read his mind when I'm closer to him? I mean, last time it worked that way!
Nope, doesn't work. Should I get closer? Might help.
I put my arm around his shoulder and cuddle up on his lap. Hey, pretty comfortable, too. Wonder if all the Rasmusses are that comfy to sit on, should try that out one time.
I listen very closely and yes! I can hear something!
"Hey, macarena! Dammdadadammdadadammdadadadaaa..."
What's up with this guys?! Why do they have this weird thing for songs with stupid dances? Oh, well, at least Pauli's not having any sad thoughts.
Suddenly Pauli gets up. It's time for them to go on stage. Cool, some good music finally. Can't wait to see them in front of a big crowd.

Wow. I didn't expect that. I mean, I knew they were good from seeing them rehearse but this? It's amazing. Their stage presence and enthusiasm seems to give power to the audience which the audience returns to the band which makes the band play even better and give this power back to the audience... kind of like a vicious circle. Just in a good way.
I know I don't have anything to do with that but damn, that are my boys! I feel so proud! Or maybe it's the beer talking that I've stolen out of other people's glasses on my way here.
Now I'm sitting high above the stage on one of these metal bars that hold the spotlights. I got a perfect sight at the stage and the audience. Oh, cute, Charlotte is watching from the side of the stage. Too bad she's too far away to read her thoughts.
And there's another familiar face in the first row.
"Yo! Kurt!" I shout as loud as I can but of course he doesn't hear me. I shout again and wave my arms. Shouldn't have done this.
I slip off the bar and fall down at least eight meters. I crash right onto the stage. Face first.
No one takes notice of me. Yeah, right, I forgot, I'm invisible. Guess they'd been surprised to see a giant teddy bear fall on stage from nowhere!
I rub my head. Outsch!
No, wait, it doesn't hurt at all! Weird.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Kurt asks kneeling down next to me.
"Just tried to get your attention," I mutter and get up. "Hey, why didn't this hurt?"
"How could a dead person feel any pain, huh?" Kurt asks sarcastically.
"What about the hangover I got a few days ago? Or my sore neck when I slept uncomfortably?"
"That's like phantom limb pains. You're brain's not used yet to having no pain so it makes you feel it."
Aha. That makes sense... I guess. "Does that count for all physical feelings?"
"Nah, just pain. Heaven would suck without the good feelings, wouldn't it?" Kurt grins at me and winks.
Ahm... ok.
"But how does hell work if the dead people down there can't feel any pain?"
"Oh, the tortures in hell are not about physical pain, Satan knows much more cruel ways to let one suffer!" Kurt frowns. Then he reaches me his hand. "Come on, get up, we should at least get off stage."
I stand up and totter. Damn, must be more drunk than I expected.
"Hey, what's up with you?" Kurt asks surprised.
"Nothing," I mumble and try to appear sober.
"Geez, you smell like a brewery!"
"I just had a tiny sip of beer." I look at him remorsefully and give him my sweetest smile.
Kurt pulls me off stage and forces me to sit down on some stairs. He stands in front of me, his hands on his hips, knitting his brows.
"Don't lie to me, you are drunk!"
"Ok, sorry, I had a few beers... but I'm not drunk!"
"Sure, and I'm not dead!"
"Ok, I'm a bit drunk," I admit and suddenly have to giggle. "Man, you behave like my dad when I was fourteen!"
But Kurt doesn't laugh. "Man, God's gonna be mad if she finds out! We're not allowed to drink during work! And she's really strict about that. Haven't you read your Rules of Heaven?"
Though Kurt looks angry I'm still giggling uncontrollably. Guess I'm more drunk than I thought. "Read only half of it."
"Great," Kurt sighs. "Where did you get the beer from anyway?"
"Oh, I met some very nice fairies who let me hang out with them. They borrowed me their magic straw!" Damn, I shouldn't have said that. Forgot that it's illegal.
Kurt lets himself sink next to me.
"Rita, these fairies are not the right company for an angel. They always get themselves and everyone else into trouble!"
"You're exaggerating, man! They were actually quite nice and funny, you know?"
"But they got you into trouble!"
"Damn, Kurt, you pretend like I did something really wrong!"
"You did, you're completely drunk!"
"Says they guy that shot any kind of drug into his veins!"
Kurt gulps and doesn't say anything. I shouldn't have said this.
"Sorry," I mumble.
Kurt sighs. "It's ok. I mean you're right, I did all that and it killed me in one way or another. And believe me, though I went to heaven God had her ways to make me pay for it!" He takes my hand. "The difference here is that there's nothing wrong with drinking from time to time as long as you drink in heaven. It's just absolutely forbidden during work! And if God finds out, you'll gonna be in big trouble. Get it?"
I nod. Man, I really feel bad now. But then again, I didn't know I wasn't allowed to drink. I mean, they are sending me to a rock festival, someone could have warned me!
"Alright, where is the straw?"
"I gave it back," I mumble quickly.
Kurt looks at me strictly and opens his hand. "Get it out of you sleeve!"
Damn. The mind reading. I forgot. I put the magic straw on his palm and get up.
"Guess, I should go back to work then."
Kurt shakes his head. "You're far to drunk to do anything helpful. Let's get you home."
I sigh and look at the stage. Too bad I'm gonna miss all the other great bands. Hope my boys will behave till I'm back tomorrow!
Kurt takes my hand and beams us to my room.
Oha, the beaming has made me feel sick.
"You're alright?" Kurt asks and pushes me softly on my bed. "You should better sleep for a while."
I nod and let myself fall into the pillows.
"And don't worry, I'm not gonna tell God about this," he adds smiling and pulls the blanket over my body.
Ah, bless him! Not sure if I deserve being treated that nice after what has happened.
"Thanks so much, you're the best!"
"Sleep tight," he says and walks towards the door.
"Kurt, wait." I suddenly remember something.
He turns around and looks at me surprised. "What?"
"What did God make you do to pay for all the stuff you did when you were alive?"
Kurt grins. "She made me clean all of heaven's bathrooms with listening to Celine Dion all the time for the first three years."
"Oh, wow, glad you survived it," I mutter before falling asleep straight away, just to dream of Celine Dion cleaning toilets all night long.



12
“Haaaleluja, haaa…”
Before my alarm clock can sing on, I throw my pillow into the direction of this choir from hell. The voices die immediately.
Damn, last night really didn’t turn out to be as funny as I had expected it to be. I just hope my brain remembers that I’m not supposed to feel any pain anymore.
I slowly open my eyes and blink into the light.
Nope, my brain is still fucked up. Bad hangover! And also my mouth feels like a little furry animal has died on my tongue.
I moan, roll my heavy body out of the bed and stumble towards the bathroom. After splashing some cold water into my face and brushing my teeth I fell better. I carefully lift my arm and smell my bear suit. Phew, I really need a shower! Again I try to get rid of my costume but it just won’t get off. But I smell really bad!
Great, seems like I have to shower fully dressed. It takes for ever to rinse all the foam off the fur and another 45 minutes to dry it with a hair dryer.
My tummy rumbles. I could really need some coffee and toast right now. What did they say again about food in the Rules of Heaven? I remember I read something about a cafeteria. I quickly skip a few pages of the little black book. There it is.
“Breakfast is served from 6 a.m. till 11 a.m. in the Holy-Mary-Cafeteria, lunch is served…blablabla… to get there push #2274# on your pager.”
What pager? I remember Kurt had one of these but where do I get those from? Guess I know the answer: at the basics of guardian angelism work shop. I so wish I had been there, damn.
I put my sunglasses on, leave the room and stop the first person that crosses my way.
“Excuse me, would you mind taking me to the Holy-Mary-Cafeteria?” I ask an old man, “I’m new, I haven’t got my pager yet.”
“Of course, my dear,” he croaks and smiles sweetly.
A few seconds later I’m at the cafeteria. Looks kinda like the one at my college, just bigger and with less students. Hope the food is better. I grab a tray, put a cup of coffee and a few slices of toast on it and look for a place to sit down.
“Yo, Barney!”
I turn around. One of Kurt’s friends is waving at me.
“Still wearing your precious costume, huh?” He welcomes me as I sit down next to him. “Might get a little cold at the back!”
What? Oh yeah, the hole below my ass, I remember.
“Say, how come I can tear it up but still can’t take it off?” I ask him. If I could only remember his name!
“You could cut off parts of it but the parts around your ankles, wrists and neck wouldn’t come off. And also you don’t have anything else to put on!” He grins cheekily. “Though I and some other guys around here definitely won’t complain, I promise!”
I give him a lame smile and take a sip of my coffee.
“By the way, you just missed Kurt a few minutes ago.” He leans over to me and turns down his voice. “Heard you got into trouble yesterday.”
Can’t believe Kurt told him! “Why? What did Kurt tell you?”
The guy laughs. “Oh, no details, just that you made friends with some of these Irish fairies!”
“So?” I try to look innocent.
He raises his eyebrows. “Come on, everyone knows that they are up for no good. A wild party people!” He winks at me. “So you’re a little trouble maker, huh?”
“Hey, just that I tend to get into trouble doesn’t mean I’m a trouble maker! It just… happens… accidentally,” I try to defend myself.
He laughs. “Sure. Well, if you ever plan to… get into trouble accidentally… just give me a call.” He winks again.
This guy either has some convulsive twitch on his eye or this is a poor attempt to flirt with me. Anyway, I can’t cope with neither the one nor the other right now.
“Ahm, sure. Gotta go to work. Later!”
I get up and turn away.
“Blue door!” I shout and quickly step through it as it appears, feeling the shocked glances of the other people on my back. I really need to learn how to beam without screaming.
The door closes and disappears. Some sunlight that falls through a gap between the closed curtains lights up the room enough to see where I am. It’s a regular hotel room with two big beds standing next to each other. I see Eero sleeping in the left bed, Pauli in the other one. But what is that? There’s someone else lying next to Pauli. I feel excitement raising inside my body. Is that a girl? Maybe even Charlotte? Guess Pauli had quite a nice night without my help! I go closer. Yep, doesn’t look too bad, she’s small, dark hair… she’s Lauri.
I sigh disappointed. Guess Aki has been the lucky one last night then. Maybe he danced till a girl fainted and then he took her to his room, who knows?
An alarm clock goes off. Eero slowly gets out of his bed and rips the curtains open.
Pauli and Lauri both pull the blanket over their heads and moan.
"Good morning! Look at this beautiful weather! Isn't this a great day!"
"Eero! Shut it!" Lauri hisses weakly.
"Come on, you can't sleep and miss this wonderful morning!" Eero quickly pulls their blanket away and laughs.
Pauli curls up and tries to cover himself with his pillow. "Can't. Need sleep," he mumbles.
"Cold," Lauri whispers, moves closer to Pauli and cuddles up next to him.
"Aww, how sweet," Eero grins and throws the blanket back at them. "Alright, guys, we have to be out of the room in an hour. I'm gonna take a shower now, you have another ten minutes to wake up!"
Eero disappears into the bathroom.
Pauli sighs. "Great, now I'm awake. I hate it when he's in a good mood that early!"
"Yeah, me, too," Lauri replies and yawns, "wonder if Aki had been able to set his alarm last night. Do you think we should call him?"
Pauli shrugs his shoulders. "Dunno. Don't wanna disturb him or something."
Lauri turns his head and looks at Pauli who's staring at the ceiling. "You're alright?"
"Sure, why not?"
"I thought you liked Charlotte."
"Course I like her, she's cool!"
Lauri sighs. "Oh, come on, you know what I mean! Wasn't there... something going on between you two?"
"Nah." Pauli shakes his head.
"But you were talking all the time and she watched you playing guitar and..."
"Exactly," Pauli interrupts him, "that's why she was there. We talked just about guitars and music. I guess we don't have much in common except for loving our instruments."
"For me that's enough to ...have a little fun!" Lauri grins.
Pauli shoves him into the side. "You know I'm not into all that one-night-stuff."
"Too bad," Lauri giggles, "cause I think Charlotte does. She's a pretty wild one, right?"
"Definitely. Did you see her drinking? She chugged down her whiskey like a truck driver!"
"Can't believe I wasn't able to keep up with her," Lauri mumbles ashamed.
"Not to mention Mr. Aki Superdancer," Pauli adds laughing.
"That's just cause his puking limit is reached slower than mine," Lauri tries to explain. "I just hope one day he will realize that he embarrasses us all with his poor dancing skills!"
Aww, man, I wish I had seen Aki dancing. So Pauli didn't hook up with Charlotte. Damn, I thought they'd look cute together. Guess I don't know Pauli as good as I expected yet, I thought he really liked that girl. And now he doesn't even seem to be slightly disappointed that she's with Aki. And, surprise, I'm not able to read his mind to find out if this is true.
Suddenly Aki enters the room and slips under Pauli's and Lauri's blanket.
"Guys, how could you all pass out last night and leave me alone?" he starts to complain.
"Guess you held up the Rasmus-flag high and represented us appropriately," Pauli sighs.
"Please, tell me you didn't dance," Lauri asks with a desperate look.
"Hey, what's wrong with my dancing?"
"Erm, everything?" Pauli suggests carefully.
"Pah! You two just can't appreciate my skillful ways to dance. Do I sense a bit of jealousy here?"
Lauri laughs out loud. "You wish! So what happened after we left?" He asks and winks cheekily at Aki.
Aki blushes. "I passed out in the bar and only woke up cause the bartender poked me. I was the only one left."
"And Charlotte?"
Aki shrugs his shoulders. "Gone with someone else, I guess."
Is this a smile on Pauli's lips?
Eero comes back and throws a wet towel at the guys. They shriek and jump off the bed. Eero chuckles.
"Go get dressed and pack or I'll spank you with the towel!"
"Save your kinky fantasies for later," Aki grins and walks towards the door, "I'll see you guys at breakfast."

Breakfast has been pretty quiet. Now they are all sitting at the hotel lobby, waiting for their driver to pick them up and take them back to the airport. The elevator door opens, Ville steps out. Together with Charlotte. I'd expected her to have a better taste in men... but maybe this doesn't have to mean anything, maybe they just shared an elevator accidentally.
As soon as Ville sees the Rasmusses he puts his arm around Charlotte's waist, pulls her close and grins nastily.
"Hey, ladies!" he shouts and waves at them. "Looks like I won the lucky prize last night! See you all in Helsinki, you little losers!"
Suddenly I hear the guys thoughts all at once.
"Asshole!" Lauri thinks.
"Eew, gross!" Goes through Pauli's mind.
"Shouldn't have passed out that early!" Aki regrets.
"Hope your d*ck rots and falls off!"
Eero! You're shocking me! Seems like he's not only that nice and well-balanced guy I thought he was.
Charlotte stares at Ville, peels his arm off her waist and steps back.
"No need to pride yourself on what happened last night, mate!" She tells him loud and clear. "You were only the last one left last night. And to give you a little advice, you should work on your stamina, it's not like you're the greatest lover on earth!"
She winks at the guys and leaves.
Ville blushes and tries to keep his cool look.
"Yeah, whatever," he mumbles, "gotta go." He quickly disappears into the breakfast hall.
The guys collapse into laughter.
"Bye, Ville, take some time to practice your endurance, you potent stallion!" Aki shouts through the lobby.
"Maybe he should become gay, doesn't sound like that would be a great loss for the women," Eero suggests and wipes some tears off his cheeks.
"Yeah, but name one guy that would volunteer to touch Ville," Pauli asks and interrupts Lauri who's taking breath to give an answer. "And I don't mean beating him up!"
Lauri exhales disappointedly.
"Yeah, right," Eero chuckles.
And suddenly I can hear someone think.
"I wouldn't mind!"


13
Ahhrg, what the fuck was that? My head hurts like hell! I blink. It's pretty dark around me and seeing little white dots flickering in front of my eyes doesn't make it easier to find out where I am. It certainly isn't the hotel lobby, that's for sure.
What has happened? How did I come here? The last thing I remember is that the guys were making fun of Ville, then it's getting blurry.
I rub my head and moan. I really wonder when my brain will finally accept that I'm not supposed to feel any pain anymore!
My hands pat over the ground, it's cold, hard and damp. I hear a silent dripping from somewhere. The smell of rotten leaves and soil fills the air. Maybe I'm in a cave? But how...
"Get up!" a shrill voice suddenly tells me and I feel something poking my side.
I get on my feet and see a little man standing next to me holding a stick in his hand. He hardly reaches my knee with his head, wears some greenish brown suit and has messy red hair and a long beard. A huge knobby nose dominates his face.
"Watcha looking at?" he asks impatiently. "Come on, we gotta go!"
I don't move. Who or better, what is that? He pokes me again.
"Hey, stop that!"
"Then move!"
"Or what? You'll tickle me with that stick until I laugh myself to death?" Stupid little guy, it'd only need a decent kick to let him fly through this cave!
He shakes his stick, a blue flash leaves from the tip and stings into my leg.
Goddamnit! Brain, when will you finally know what to feel and what not!
"Ok, ok, I'm coming," I mutter and walk into the direction the little creature points at.
For a while we walk down a narrow duct.
"Where are we going?"
"That's none of your business!" The little man replies roughly.
"Well, you're taking me there so actually this is my business!"
"The boss wants to see you," he just hisses annoyed.
Boss? What boss? Whose boss? Why me? Somehow I think I'm in trouble...
We arrive in a huge cave. It's lit up by tiny lanterns hanging on the walls, at least another fifty of these weird little dudes are sitting on long tables, eating, drinking and making hell of a noise. Looks kinda like in one of these middle age knight movies. Except that there are no good looking knights and ladies around but tiny ugly and definitely bad smelling gnomes. Oh, wait, there are some females, too but actually they look like the guys, just without beards.
As soon as we step into the cave, the noise dies. Everyone stares at me. And for the first time I don't think it's because of the bear suit.
My guard leads me to the rear end of one the tables. Another of these little men is sitting on kind of a wooden throne, he looks like any other of them but wears a big golden necklace around his neck. One of his with sparkling rings covered hands pets a rat that is lying on his lap. So I guess that's the boss. I stare down at him.
He waves slightly at my guard who pokes me with his stick again, making me sink on my knees.
"I like my guests better if I can look them into the eyes without getting a sore neck," he tells me and smiles.
"You have a very weird way to treat your guests," I mutter and throw an angry glance at him. If I'm his guest I don't wanna know what he does with his prisoners!
"Let's skip the friendly small talk and go straight to business," he answers. "I heard you have one of my belongings and I either want you to return it now or pay for it."
"Huh? I have no idea what you're talking about!" I highly doubt that I have anything this little stinky fellow has owned before!
"You have my magic straw."
Oh, that one. Fucking fairies! Pretending like it's a present and then this! I hate to admit that Kurt has been right about them getting people into trouble, damn.
"Well, I'm sorry, I don't have it anymore," I reply regretting.
"Then you'll have to pay for it!" The boss says and grins nastily.
"Pay you with what?"
"With your first born child," he smirks then his face turns into an angry grimace. "What do you think? With money of course!"
"I... I don't have... any money." Though he looks like from a fantasy b-movie I somehow get scared. Something in his eyes tells me that he's really not a nice guy when it comes to business.
"No money?"
"Mh-mh." I shake my head and make a regretting, apologizing, please-don't-hurt-me-cause-I'm-just-a-little-innocent-girl face.
"Well, well, well," he replies and strokes absent-minded over the rat's head, "guess we got to keep you here till someone comes and redeems you."
With a movement of his right hand he tells my guard to take me away.
"What do you mean with redeem? And where are you talking me?" This really doesn't sound too good.
"You'll see," the gnome slurs, "follow me."
I could just kick this little man and run away...
"Don't think about tricking me out, you'd never find you way through this labyrinth of caves and tubes."
Guess he's got a point there. Damn.
We leave the big cave, walk a while till we reach another small and dark cave. He shoves me inside. A little lantern spreads some light. I stumble through the opening and hear a metal gate being closed. Oh, great, being trapped in a small and dark cave, I've always dreamed about that. Not.
"Mind your steps!" A little voice complains. I look down to the ground.
"Sean! You fucking asshole!"
The little fairy throws an remorseful glance at me. "Sorry, I really didn't want to get you in trouble!"
"Sure," I hiss and sit down in a corner that's the most far away from him.
He flaps his wings, flies towards me and lands on my knee. "Please, I'm..."
With an annoyed push I wipe him off my knee.
"Hey, why didn't you just give the magic straw back? We could have been out here within the blink of an eye! Hope some of your angel friends comes along soon so we can go home!"
"Why don't your friends just come here and pay for us?"
"Cause fairies are notoriously broke people."
"I could beam myself out of here." Well, at least I could try...
"Forget it, the king of the trolls has put a spell on the caves, no beaming possible. So where's the straw?"
King of the trolls? "I'd never expected that trolls and fairies really exist!"
"But angels, huh?" Sean asks sarcastically and raises his eyebrows. "So, where's the straw?"
"I got busted and they took it away."
Sean sighs. "Man, you're really one lousy angel, not even able to hide a tiny straw!"
"Actually I could be a much better angel if you didn't get me in trouble, dumbass!"
"Alright, alright," Sean mumbles and backs up, "calm down, Teddy!"
Suddenly the guard gnome appears at the gate.
"Get up, angel, there's someone to pay for you!"
Wow, that was fast. Wonder who this is.
"What about me?" I hear Sean whimper as I leave but I really don't care. I'm sure he'll get out of there sooner or later.
We walk back to the main cave. It's Kurt. He's standing in front of the king-guy.
"I'm not gonna pay anything before I know she's alright!" Kurt tells him angrily.
"Kurt!"
He turns around and smiles at me relieved.
"So?" The king asks impatiently. I see him holding the straw in his hands.
"Hey, you already got the straw back, why do you still want the money," I ask surprised.
"Rita," Kurt whispers and puts his hand on my shoulder, "we're not really in the position of telling him what to do!" He nods towards all the other trolls that are staring at us.
Their eyes all sparkle furiously. Kurt might be right.
"Sorry," I mumble.
Kurt throws a little velvet bag at the king who catches it quickly. "Now let us go!"
"Always a pleasure to do business with you heavenly creatures," the king smiles and swings a wooden stick. "You can go now."
"Put you sunglasses on," Kurt tells me and beams us back to heaven.
As soon as we arrive Kurt hugs me tightly.
"Are you alright? Did they do something to you? Are you hurt?"
Wow, he's really worried.
"No, I'm fine."
"Usually these mean little trolls like to torture their prisoners."
I shake my head. "Nah, they didn't do anything to me."
Kurt hugs me again. "Good," he sighs.
"Thanks for getting me out of there," I say and hug him back.
Suddenly he lets me go. And he doesn't look too happy. He's all serious now.
"What? I mean, yeah, well, I'm sorry that you had to get me out of there and all but..."
"What do you think who gave me the money?"
Damn, I'm somehow having dark forebodings. "Hm, God maybe?"
Kurt nods. "Right."
"And I guess she now knows that you tried to cover me?"
He nods again. I really feel bad now.
"Kurt, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to..."
"It was my decision not to tell her, so I gotta deal with it. Come on, she's waiting."
We silently start walking. I'm really scared now. I mean, you don't want to have God being mad at you, do you?
We arrive at the door. The secretary gives me a pitiful look and leads us straight to God's office. My hand is trembling as I turn the doorknob.
This time God is wearing a black leather outfit, holding a motor cycle helmet in her hands. She looks at me and shakes her head.
"Man, man, man, your in trouble, missy!"
I gulp, then I take deep breath. "I'm so sorry, God, seriously! I didn't know I wasn't allowed to drink during work and I didn't know that the fairy had the straw from that troll king and... I know it's my fault cause I haven't read the Rules of Heaven completely and I haven't been to the workshop and... I'm a lousy angel but I promise to become better and, yeah, well... I'm sorry."
"Are you done with your little speech?"
"Kurt doesn't have to do anything with this, he just wanted to help me," I add quickly and stare at the floor. I feel like my face must be burning, I'm really ashamed.
God sighs. "Well, you screwed up on this, you know that. I haven't had time to think about a punishment yet, I'll tell you tonight. There's something more important right now."
I look at her surprised. "What?"
"You should quickly get back to your clients! They are in some serious trouble!"



14
"Blue door!" I shout and hear God sigh when I step through.
Yeah, yeah, I know, I need to work on my beaming...
A huge "Welcome to Helsinki!" sign and a luggage carousel tell me that I'm at the airport. How on earth can you get in trouble at an airport?
"I said don't touch me!" I hear Lauri's voice from behind me and turn around.
He's standing face to face with Ville who is now raising his index finger slowly and grins nastily. The vein on Lauri's neck is pulsating dangerously, his face is all red. Ville puts his fingertip on Lauri's shoulder and pushes him slightly backwards. Lauri gasps.
"That's it!" He shouts out and tackles Ville to the ground.
All the other people stare at them in shock, no one speaks a word.
Aki bends over to Pauli.
"Don't you think we should separate them?"
"Yeah... but somehow it's fun to see Ville being beaten up," Pauli whispers back.
"Oh no, not again!" Eero joins them with his luggage and sighs. "How can you just stand here and watch," he complains and approaches the wrestling couple.
"Stop it!" He yells at them.
A man with longish dark hair steps out of the watching crowd. I don't remember his name but it's another band member of Him.
"Let them sort this out like real men!"
"Real men have different ways than fighting!"
The guy snorts sarcastically. "Oh, what a surprise to hear something like that from you, Heinonen!"
"What do you wanna tell me?"
"You're such a wuss! Even if you wanted to beat someone up you'd rather pinch your tail between your legs and run away!"
"Are you calling me a coward?"
The guy laughs. "Me? Never!"
"I'm more of a man than you will ever be!" Eero shouts angrily.
The other guy shoves him. "Really? Then why don't you show me?"
Oh, come on, Eero! I know you're not gonna react on this poor attempt to provoke you!
Ok, I'm wrong. Eero's fist hits straight into his opponent's face.
Damn, I really have to come up with a plan to stop them before something worse will happen! But what? Even if I was able to separate them everyone would be pretty surprised to see this guys being pulled apart by an invisible power! What the fuck is a guardian angel supposed to do in a situation like this? Maybe Aki and Pauli will come back to their senses and stop this...
Nope! How could I even expect them to be reasonable persons? All Rasmusses and Hims are now beating the shit out of each other.
Damn! Can't anyone help me? Please? What's with all these people standing around and watching them? Some of them even seem to be quite amused. Maybe I should charge them some money for having my boys entertain them so well! Idiots! One girl is even taking pictures of this.
Finally I see some security guards running towards the pile of flying limbs, pulling them apart. With a tiny bit of pride I count as many bleeding noses on the Him side as on the Rasmus side. At least my boys haven't made complete fools of themselves. Well, actually they have but they don't look like they've lost this fight. I would call it even. Hope they see it in the same way.
"We haven't discussed this out yet, Ylönen!" Ville shouts over to Lauri.
Again Lauri tries to jump on Ville but the security guy holds him back.
"Would you please calm down, sir?" One of the guards tells Ville with a strict voice. "We are going to take you to the airport security station now. There the airport management will decide if you will be prosecuted for public nuisance."
"Great, thank you, Valo," Eero hisses, "Seppo's gonna rip our heads off for that!"
"Lauri started!" Ville complains.
"I didn't!" Lauri yells angrily.
"You did!" Ville shouts back.
"No, you started!"
"Would you please shut up now!" the security guard interrupts them again.
Eero shakes his head and sighs. "Thank God, no one has taken pictures of this embarrassing incident."
Oh, oh! Guess I'm on a mission now! Hope the girl has been the only one with a camera! And after all at least a hundred people have seen this, they can all report this to the press. Wish I had one of these thingies they have in the 'Men in black' movies which makes people forget what they have seen. Too bad aliens don't exist. Or do they?
Anyway, gotta find the girl. Guess I can leave the guys for a while. Well, I thought that before, too but this time they are with the police so that might keep them away from any more trouble.
So, where's that girl with the camera? I see her walking towards the exit, dragging a huge suitcase behind her, talking hectically into her cell phone.
"Where are you? Ok, I'll be right there. You won't believe what I just saw... and I took pictures of it. Take a guess... No! Why would I want to take photos of old men on toilets? You're scaring me. Take another guess."
She leaves the airport building and waves at brunette girl that is waiting next to a car.
"Alright. I can see you now. Bye."
She drops her suitcase and hugs the other girls.
"So what were you so excited about?" the brunette asks impatiently.
Camera-girl takes her digi cam out of her pocket. "Him and The Rasmus had a fight and took pictures!"
The brunette rips her eyes open. "What? Show me!"
Now they are both bending over the camera's display, giggling stupidly. What am I supposed to do now? I could try to beat the camera out of her hands. Good idea.
I try to shove her but she doesn't move. Maybe I should do it more aggressively?
Alright, I'm really glad now that no one can see me cause it must look pretty silly how I'm jumping against this girl with full force and she doesn't realize it at all. Come on, focus, Rita! I walk a few steps back, take deep breath, run and crash against the girl. Suddenly she stumbles a bit forward, not much but enough to let her drop the camera. Yes! I did it! And to top that, the camera slides on the street and under the wheels of a by-driving taxi. Maybe I'm not as bad as an angel as I thought!
The girls stare at the camera left-overs in shock.
"Holy shit," the brunette mumbles.
A motorcycle takes a sharp break right in front of the girls, spraying water of a puddle at them. They rush backwards, screaming and complaining. The driver, all dressed in black doesn't pay attention on them, he looks straight at me.
"Get on the bike," a voice sounds through the closed helmet.
Huh? What? I turn around but no one is standing behind me.
"Are you talking to me?" I ask surprised.
The driver pulls up the visor. It's God.
"Who else?" she asks impatiently. "That invisible person behind you?"
"Smartass!" I mutter.
"Hey, you could at least just think this and not say it out loud!"
"You would have read my mind anyway."
God grins. "Ok, you're right. But actually you should show a little bit more respect, girl. After all I'm your boss!"
I grin back. "What you're gonna do? Kill me?"
"Who's the smartass now, huh? Come on, get on the bike, I'll drive you back!"
I jump on, she drives down the street full speed. Whoa, this is kinda scary!
"Excuse me, but you don't have a spare helmet, do you?"
I hear God laughing against the wind. "What are you afraid of? Dying?"
"How come you can be visible here on earth and I can't?" I shout.
"Cause I'm God." Forgot. She's the boss. "Good job, by the way! With the camera."
"Thanks," I reply proudly. Maybe that will make her forget about my punishment.
"And about the punishment for having the straw..." Ok, she hasn't. "I know you don't know much about being a guardian angel yet, so I can't blame you for most of your mistakes. But you knew the straw was illegal and your lack of knowledge comes from missing the workshop. You have to repeat the lessons tomorrow. And I want a daily report from you during the next two month."
Phew, that doesn't sound to bad!
"And..." Oh, please, let this be a merciful 'and'! "No dessert at the cafeteria for the next year!"
"But..." Wait, no dessert? I hear God chuckle. "Ok."
"You know," she says, "I like you. But don't spoil this bonus! Even my patience has its limits! And now, watch out and hold on tight!"
God speeds up. The landscape around us becomes blurry, wind is burning in my eyes. Suddenly she stops, I almost fall off the bike. We're in a park, I hear music from somewhere, little colorful lanterns are hanging in the trees. Lots of people are standing together or dancing.
"I'm having a little barbecue," God smiles, "wanna stay?"
"Cool, sure!" Wonder what a big party looks like if this is just a little barbecue!
I get off the bike.
"Ok, see you later!" God replies and grins at something behind me. "Have fun!" She winks and pushes her motorcycle away.
I turn around. Kurt is offering me a bottle of beer and smiles. I take it and smile back.
"Nice outfit," he says.
"Haha, very funny, you could start of thinking about a new joke, you know?"
"No, really," he laughs.
I look down my body. Hey! The bear suit has gone! Now I'm wearing my favorite pair of jeans and a black tank top.
"I knew there was a good looking girl hiding under all that fur!"
Ok, don't make me blush. "So what's your punishment for not telling God about the straw?" I ask quickly to change the topic.
"She just told me to keep an eye one you from time to time and help you out a bit."
Why do I get the impression that God is trying to hook us up? I kinda start feeling slightly uncomfortable. I hate when people are doing this!
"So, who's that new hot girl in town, Kurt? Did you try to hide her from me?"
The guy from this morning is walking towards us.
"Hey, Stan," Kurt sighs. Looks like he's not too happy bout Stan joining us. I am actually.
"Hi, Stan. Sorry, to disappoint you but you already know me," I laugh.
Stan comes closer. "Barney, is that you?" He asks surprised.
I grin.
"Well, well, well. That costume already suited you quite well but this?" He whistles.
Oh, come on, is there a lack of women in heaven or are these guys just horny? Maybe they... Holy fucking shit! Who's that hot guy over there?
He's tall with messed up shortish black hair. He's wearing black baggy pants and a black tank top. His arms are covered with full sleeve tattoos, his eyes are framed with black eyeliner. He's leaning against a tree, watching the party quite bored. He lights a cigarette. Oh man, I'm melting away!
"Who's that guy over there," I ask, trying to sound as inconspicuously as possible.
Kurt and Stan turn into the direction I'm looking at.
"You mean the guy at the tree?" Stan wants to know.
I nod.
His smile disappears. "That's Satan."


15

Kurt snorts sarcastically. "Also known as Lucifer, Beelzebub, Asshole."
"What is he doing in heaven then?" I ask, strangely unable to take my eyes off Satan. Like a mysterious power is forcing me to stare at him. Or maybe that's just me being blown away by his appearance. I hope I'm not drooling.
Wake up! You have Kurt Cobain vying for your attention! Earth to Rita!
Ok, where did that voice come from now? Weird.
"Guess God has invited him."
Ok, let me see if I'm getting things right here. God has invited the boss of all evil, Lucifer himself to her little backyard barbecue? Erm... okay. "Why?"
"He's her ex boyfriend."
Can this get any weirder? "What? What happened?"
Kurt sighs. "The usual stuff. Girl dumps boy, boy founds hell to be a pain in the ass of girl, girl still thinks that boy is hot, so does boy, they have an affair, and again and again and again. I don't know, it's like they seriously don't like each other. But every time they fight it ends up in bed. Or where ever."
Lucky God! "Aha."
"He's an asshole. And definitely not the right social intercourse for an angel, Rita!"
I feel blood rushing into my face. Seems like Kurt has read my thoughts again. Or it's because I'm obviously eating this guy up with my eyes.
Whoa, now he's walking towards us! I quickly start to look extremely busy with peeling off the label of my beer bottle.
"Hi," he says with an incredibly deep voice and an ice melting smile, "I think we haven't been introduced yet!"
I giggle nervously. How embarrassing! Can I please fall into a really deep hole right now? Please?
He nods at Kurt. "Kurt."
"Sa," Kurt replies coldly.
"Stan," Stan adds but quickly takes a sip of his beer when Satan gives him an icy look.
"So, Kurt, still haven't made up your mind about my offer, I guess?" Satan asks but keeps on smiling at me. Oh my gosh, these eyes!
Kurt laughs dryly. "As tempting as it may sound but no. Thank you. Here I got everything I need to be happy."
"Oh, these humble humans! Or ex-humans I should say. I could offer you so much more than what you will ever get here in heaven. But then again, I must admit that I wouldn't move to hell if I had girls like you around!" He grins at me and puts his arm around my shoulder. Ooooohhh, my legs are turning into rubber.
"Lucy!" God is standing at Satan's other side. "Are you trying to steal Kurt away again? Get your dirty hands off my muses! And also off my angels!"
Satan backs up and gives her a cheeky smile. "Guess you wouldn't mind if my dirty hands were concentrating on you! And don't worry, Kurt's not gonna go anywhere. Too bad, I must add, you stole too many good musicians from me!"
God's eyes wander from him to Kurt to me. "Come on, Lucy, I gotta show you my new bike. You gonna love it!"
God drags Satan with her. I take deep breath. Now that he's gone I feel like I'm slowly coming back to senses.
"He's really good in influencing people, you know?" Kurt tells me.
I smile at him. "Yeah, but obviously some of us are better in resisting him than others!"
Actually I feel quite stupid right now.
"Hey, I love that song!" Stan suddenly shouts. "Come on, get your asses up, let's dance!"
It's 'Lust for life' by Iggy Pop, a classic. We hit the dance floor and jump around like idiots. Some people stare at us with raised eye brows but what ever, I don't care, I love that song!
Suddenly it turns into Lou Reed's 'Perfect day'. Kurt wraps his arms around my waist and smiles.
"Wanna dance on?"
"Sure."
I lay my arms around his shoulder, he pulls me tighter.
"Hey, what about me?" Stan complains from the background.
"Sorry, mate," I hear Kurt laughing over my shoulder but somehow I think he's not sorry at all.
This is so weird. Here I am, dancing in the arms of the hero of my teenagehood, not to mention that he's a pretty hot guy anyway. And he doesn't seem to dislike me. Not at all.
My skin is tingling from his touches. All I want right now is kissing him, ripping his clothes off. But I know that this is just an afterglow of Satan's presence, his heat that's still left inside me. And I'm not gonna risk the growing friendship between Kurt and me for a short moment of lust. Though I could imagine that short moment to be not so short at all... damn, Rita, think of something else! Kurt deserves better than that! He's more than just an outlet for your banked up horniness! I need something to distract myself.
"Alright, it's my turn now!" I feel a hand on my shoulder.
Stan! He somehow reminds of that guy in all these movies, the one who plays the dorky, funny but still kinda cute-in-a-weird-way friend of the main character. Maybe a few beers more and he will turn out to look quite fuckable. And I know for sure he wouldn't complain.
I grin at him. "Why don't we get another drink?"
Kurt looks from me to Stan. He seems to be confused. Who could blame him for that? But if I stay I'll not be able to give a guarantee for pulling myself together.
"See you later, Kurt!"
Smiling like a little kid who's just been given a new toy, Stan follows me to the bar.
"Remember this morning when you said I could call you anytime if I plan to get into trouble again?" I ask him and chug down my double-vodka.
"Sure," Stan replies, not too sure about what I'm meaning though.
I hit my empty glass upside down on the counter and wink at him. "Let's get into trouble!"

I should have known better. Drinking and staying up all night makes this workshop even worse than it already is. I'm struggling to stay awake and I've caught myself dozing away a few times. I stare at the teacher. She's an old grey-haired woman wearing tiny round glasses on the tip of her nose. She's standing in front of the class and swings her pointer like a conductor.
"Repeat, everybody! No pineapple-transportation allowed via beaming!"
I join the choir of repeating students and rest my chin on the table. We've been going through the Rules of Heaven since three hours now. I already have forgotten what I learned during the first lesson. And come on, when will I ever want to beam myself somewhere together with a pineapple? Though I'm kinda curious what will happen if I did. Might try that out someday. But not now, I need to collect some bonus points first before I can screw up things again.
Talking about screwing... Stan was more fun than I expected him to be. Quite persevering if I might add. The only disturbing thing was the fact that you really can't take off your clothes. I mean, of course you can remove them somehow but you still have them tangling around your ankles and neck. Wonder what was going through God's head when she came up with this stupid idea. Probably just her weird sense of humor again! But I bet she can take her clothes off completely when she and Satan... mmmh, Satan!
"So what did I just say?"
I shrug together. The teacher is standing in front of my desk and pokes my shoulder with her pointer. I blush.
"Sorry, I wasn't listening."
"I have noticed that, my dear! I would have expected you to be more attentive, especially as you are already working as a GA. And I've heard that you really could need some improvement!"
"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry."
"Alright. Now that I have the full attention of the class, please follow me. We are going to learn the first steps of mind-reading."
Good, finally something I need! Suddenly I feel my pants vibrate. Huh? Oh yeah, I remember, that's my pager. I got it this morning. I pull it out of my pocket and read the message.
"Hey, baby! I miss you, when will I see you again? Stan"
Oh no! What's wrong with him? I clearly told him last night that this was only happening for fun, nothing else more. I like to set things straight in the beginning to avoid... yeah, well, messages like this! Damn, gotta talk to him later. I quickly reply that I'm at the workshop all day long, then I follow the class who is disappearing through a big door.
"Is everyone in?" The teacher asks.
As I've been the last one who entered the room I answer yes. The teacher pushes a big red button on the wall.
All of a sudden the walls start to spin around us, long rows of beds rush through the room until finally everyone is standing in front of a bed. Pauli is lying in the one in front of us.
"Minds are to read the easiest when the client is sleeping," the teacher starts her lecture.
Great, someone could have told me that before!
"Each one of you is standing in front of his or her client right now," she continues. "In case you are wondering, I have created a special time-frame because obviously all these people don't live in the same time zone nor do they sleep at the same time. Normally we are not allowed to turn the wheel of time but for practice purposes we have God's permission to do so."
We can turn the time back and forth? Cool!
"Playing with the time is a serious matter and only, and I can't repeat this often enough, only allowed when approved by God!" The teacher adds strictly.
Too bad. That could make so many things so much easier!
"Alright, please sit down next to your client, place your right hand gently on his or her forehead and concentrate."
I do what she tells us.
"Watch them thoroughly, feel them breath. Now close your eyes and listen carefully!"
Yeah, sure, concentrate and listen carefully! As if that has ever worked on command!
Wow! What is that? I'm suddenly dragged into another world! Guess that is Pauli's dream.
I'm in a blue room. Bricks start falling down like in a Tetris game and build up the scenery. Millions of stuffed animals are lying along the walls, the room is lit up by colored spotlights that circle around. Macarena is sounding through huge speaker boxes. Pauli is in the center of the room, surrounded but lots of good-looking bikini-wearing girls. Everyone is dancing the Macarena.
Now what is this supposed to tell me? That Pauli wants to be surrounded by girls? That he has a weird taste in music or a sick affinity to this stupid Macarena song?
With a loud chime of a bell the lights dunk the room into a soft green light, the girls disappear, soft piano music fills the sudden silence. Now Pauli is dancing tightly with a single girl. As they turn I realize she doesn't have a face. If I'm not completely wrong I think that Pauli is longing for the one girl. He just doesn't know yet who she is or where to find her.
"Alright, lunch time!"
The teacher's voice rips me out of Pauli's dream. Right after I've gotten up the beds vanish into thin air. Cool, only one mind-reading lesson and I got a new clue how to help Pauli! Really should have been to the first work-shop, that would have saved me from some extra work!
I'm not hungry. I'd rather go and get an hour of sleep before I have to get back to class. I push the door to my room open and let myself fall on the bed.
"Hey, babe!"
What the fuck? I jump back on my feet and stare at my bed in shock.
"What are you doing here?"


16
"We didn't have any time to talk last night, I thought I'd come along and surprise you!"
"Well, I am surprised."
"I hope in a good way!"
"I don't really know yet," I answer, still staring at him quite sheepishly.
He looks gorgeous, wearing a black leather jacket and a red t-shit, his hair all spiked up.
Satan pats next to him on the mattress with his hand.
"Come here, sit with me." He gives me the most intriguing smile ever.
I slowly walk towards the bed and sit down as far away from him as possible. Somehow I'm flattered that he came here to see me, the little unimportant angel but it also scares me. I mean, after all he's the devil! Not to mention that he's God's ex and I'm sure she wouldn't be too happy to know what he's doing right now.
He takes off his jacket. "Is it hot in here or is that you?"
Oh my gosh, what a lame line! I feel a bit more confident. If he comes up with some more of this it won't be hard to resist.
I want to say something but I can't. I open my mouth and close it again.
"I won't bite, you can sit a bit closer!"
Yes, sure. Not in a hundred years I'll move closer!
Though the thought of him biting me... Rita, pull yourself together!
"Actually I'm quite comfortable where I'm sitting right now, thanks."
Satan chuckles silently. With his deep voice he mutters more to himself than to me.
"I see you got your own head. I like that."
And I like your lips. Bet you're a great kisser! Damn, think of something gross! Smelly socks. Used baby diapers. Cauliflower. Mouldy food with maggots. Good, it works, go on! Someone puking on me. Sumo wrestlers. Naked sumo wrestlers. Naked sumo wrestlers making out with tiny women. Old naked, wrinkled people making out. Uuaah! These thoughts make me shiver.
Satan takes his chance, moves closer and puts his arm around my shoulder.
"Are you freezing?"
Freezing? Are you kidding? I never felt that hot! I want to shove his arm away but I'm paralyzed. His face is so close! His breath softly strokes over my cheek. I look into his eyes, they are dark, almost black, inscrutable. I feel like they are sucking me up and pulling me into another dimension. Help!
"So, now that we're both here, what do you want to do?"
What I wanna do? A thousand things come to my mind and they are definitely not rated PG. No, no, no, this is wrong! I can't let this happen! I'm gonna tell him to fuck off, to leave me alone and get himself a blow-up doll!
"I don't know. What do you think?" I hear my voice say. Wrong!
"How about that?" He bends forward and kisses me, gently bites my lip.
Bad! Wrong! Sick! And far too good... before I realize what I'm doing, I'm sitting astride on his lap, kissing him passionately. His hands are all over my body, I'm on fire. He licks along my neck, nibbles at my earlobe.
"Now I know why Kurt is all after you," I hear him mumble.
Alarm bells are ringing in my head. So that's what it's all about. I bet he wants to make Kurt jealous! What an asshole! I'm gonna destroy your evil plan... his body feels so damn good! What was I thinking about before? I don't remember. Whatever, I don't need to be able to think for what I'm going to do now...
"Rita! Are you there?"
Stan! He's knocking at my door.
"Send him away," Satan hisses into my ear. Whatever you wish...
"Go away, Stan, I really need to sleep right now!"
"Rita, please." He knocks again. "What's up? Did I do something wrong?"
"Stan, I'm just tired. I wanna take a nap before I have to go back to school," I shout while Satan pulls my shirt up and starts kissing my breasts. I can't hold back a moan.
"Is everything alright, Rita? Are you not feeling well?" Stan asks with a worried voice.
"No, no, no," I reply quickly, "it's just my hangover. I'll be fine if I get some more sleep. I'll talk to you later!"
"Oh, ok." Stan sounds disappointed. "See you later then." I hear him leaving. Oh, poor him. I really need to talk to him about last night. He obviously understood some things horribly wrong.
All of a sudden I feel my head becoming clear, I can think straight again.
"So, where were we?" Satan grins at me and cups my chin.
"You were about to leave," I tell him, trying to make my voice sound firm.
He laughs. "I don't think so!"
I get of his lap and bring my clothes back into order. "But I do. I gotta go and have lunch before class continues. I've been in enough trouble, I can't risk being late. And after all, I guess God's gonna be quite mad if she finds out you're trying to hook up with her angels. Get out of here!"
Satan slowly gets up and puts his jacket on. He looks at me surprised. His eyes wander over my body. I can almost feel them. Then he grins cheekily.
"Alright. I'm leaving. But you know, you want me!"
Yes, goddamnit, of course I want you!
"You wish!" I manage to press through my lips.
Satan laughs and snaps his fingers. Then he vanishes into thin air, only leaving his laughter echoing in my room and in my head.

After what has happened it's even harder to concentrate on the teacher's sonorous voice. She's giving another lecture on the basics of mind reading. I know it's important to listen if I just wasn't so tired. And busy with thinking about all kind of other stuff. Like Satan. He must have put a spell on me or something, that's the only reason that makes me explain all this. Well, Mr. Founder of all Evil, looks like you gotta come up with better ideas to trick me out, ha! Ok, I know, I was just able to stop him cause Stan has interrupted us but still! Guess I gotta be thankful that Stan came along.
And talking about Stan, damn, I really have to talk to him about last night!
"Pssst!"
What's that?
"Psssst! Over here!"
I turn around. Stan is peaking through the door. Speaking of the devil! Well, of Stan.
He waves at me. What? I can't just get up and leave! I shake my head and point at the teacher.
He waves again and gives me the puppy-eyes look. "Please!"
I sigh and raise my hand. "Excuse me, can I go to the bathroom, please?"
The teacher nods, I leave the room.
"Stan, what's up? I just have a few minutes, so hurry up!"
Stan takes my hand and pulls me around the corner. I look at him, waiting for an explanation.
He smiles shyly and pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket.
"I was thinking about last night and then..."
"Stan, you know, last night..." I start but he interrupts me.
"Wait, let me read this out first." He clears his throat.
"For Rita.
Your the pot, I wanna be the lit,
if you're not around I feel like shit.
I'm the lung, you're my air,
I'm so happy for the time we share.
I'm the cake, you're my cream,
you're the girl of my dream.
I'm the food, you're the spice,
I just feel like I won the first price.
I'm the engine, you're the fuel.
Life without you would just be cruel."
He looks at me with anticipation.
Pull yourself together, Rita! Don't laugh! He's waiting for me to say something but I'm afraid that I'm gonna burst into laughter when I open my mouth.
"Do you like it?"
"Erm, well, that was... very... creative," I answer slowly.
Stan smiles proudly. "I wrote it just for you!"
Damn, I really need to clear things up. How can I tell him nicely without hurting him too much?
"Stan, listen. I'm afraid..."
"This doesn't look like the bathroom to me, Rita!"
The teacher is suddenly standing behind me. Shit.
"I'm sorry, ma'am. I'll be back in a minute! I promise, I'll hurry up!"
She shakes her head angrily. "No, you're coming with me right now!"
I sigh. "I need to talk to you tonight, Stan," I quickly tell him, then I run back to the classroom.
"You're exercise partner is waiting, hurry up!" The teacher points at a girl that is sitting next to an empty chair.
I smile at the girl and take place next to her. I really need to talk to Stan before I raise his hopes even more. I feel sorry for him. After all I should be thankful cause only because of him disturbing me and Satan, I didn't sleep with the devil!
"You did what?" the girl next to me suddenly screams and stares at me with huge eyes.
I blush. "Did you just read my mind?"
She nods. "Of course! That's what this exercise is all about!"
Damn. "Well, I was just thinking... of a metaphor... you know? I didn't mean it... literally."
She raises her eyebrows. "A metaphor? For what?"
"For... doing something extremely stupid. Never heard of that?"
She doesn't seem to be convinced. Whatever. "Is it my turn now?"
We go on with the exercise for about an hour, followed by more theoretical lessons about mind-reading. Finally the teacher taps at her desk with her pointer.
"Alright, class. That's it for today."
For today? Is there even more to come?
"Tomorrow..."
No! Not another day!
"... you will learn how to move things on earth. On day three..."
Give me a break! Three days? God has never mentioned anything like this!
"...I will teach you everything else you have to know about GA. I'm glad to see all of you have made some progress in mind-reading today. And always remember, don't worry if it doesn't work in the beginning, some angels need month or even years to become perfect mind-readers!"
Guess I'm one of them then. Suddenly my pager vibrates. I wonder where they all got my number from!
"I'm waiting for you for your daily report. Meet me at the cafeteria. God"
Oh no, I totally forgot about that! Ok, I gotta remember not to think about anything that has to do with Satan. If God's gonna read my mind secretly she's not gonna be too excited I'm afraid.
When I enter the cafeteria, she's waving at me. I insecurely walk over and sit down. She pushes a tray packed with food in front of me.
"Here, I got you something to eat," she smiles. "So, how was your day?"
"Long. But ok. I learned quite a few things. I watched my client's dream and I practiced mind-reading with another angel. I think I'm making progress. At least a bit."
God nods. "Good. Glad to hear your finally getting your stuff together. I'm sure you're gonna be a great GA once you've learned everything you need for that. Anything else happened?"
"Nope"
"How did you like the party?" She grins and winks at me. "I saw you dancing with Kurt."
I blush. "Kurt and I are just friends."
"Really?" She knits her brows. "I could swear I sense some sexual vibes around you."
I blush even more. "Oh, that. Yeah, well, I had something going on with one of Kurt's friends. Stan."
"Stan? Hello? What's wrong with you? Why not Kurt? Girl, are you stupid?"
I sigh. "It was just for fun, nothing serious. Do I have to explain that now? You know, I'm really tired."
"No, sorry, you don't have to. I was just... surprised, that's all. Anything else you wanna tell me?"
I shake my head. "No."
God looks at me for a while. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
"Alright," she says slowly, "I gotta go now. See you tomorrow." She gets up and walks away. After a few steps she turns around. "You can always come and talk to me if you need to get something off your chest."
I smile at her. "Thanks."
Does she know more than I want her to?


17
The last two days have been filled with excessive boredom. Endless hours of trying to stay awake and GA basics exercises. I would never have imagined moving things on earth could be that exhausting. We've been on a field trip to earth and practiced moving little stones off the ground. Must have been weird to see thirty people kneeling on the floor and snipping tiny rocks through the air. Thank God we're invisible. But then again I think some people were quite surprised to see pebbles jumping around without a reasonable cause. At least I've been making some progress, just little steps but better than none. The only thing I didn’t learn is how to beam without shouting out my destination. I really tried and did everything the teacher told me but still, I’m the only one who’s making a fool out of herself when she wants to go somewhere else. I can still see the teachers resigned face in front of me, shaking her head and telling me that I’m the first person in her hundred years old teaching career that has this problem. Oh well, everyone has a certain skill that makes him or her special. Guess this is mine then.
The best thing I've learned is that an important part of being a guardian angel is just being there for your client, keeping him or her company so that even if they feel lonely they are not. Comforting them by staying by their sides. Guess I finally found something I'm good at!
Every night after school I quickly talked to God about my day, followed by falling into my bed and sleeping the whole night through. Actually I had planned to clear things up with Stan but he had to work all the time so I haven't had a chance yet. Not that I'm scrambling for talking to him but it would be pretty unfair if I didn't. And after all, receiving ten "Wish you were here!" or "Miss you!" messages a day can become pretty annoying after a while.
Today is my first day back at work, time to test my newly won skills. I enter Pauli’s room through my blue door. He’s taking a shower in his bathroom next door. I can hear him sing. Oh no, not that stupid Macarena song again! I really need to find out what this is all about. But I think I’m gonna wait here till he’s done showering and fully dressed.
“You’re late!”
I turn around. Kurt is sitting on Pauli’s bed, skipping the pages of a guitar magazine.
“Good morning to you, too,” I answer sarcastically and frown. “I’m only a few minutes late. And what are you doing here anyway?”
“God told me to come with you on your first day after school to see how things are going.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask surprised. “We could have gone here together.”
“Forgot,” he mutters and focuses on the magazine again.
I let myself fall next to him, stretch my arms and yawn. “That work shop was really exhausting. Do we ever get a day off?”
“That’s still your brain. Actually you’re not tired at all. You just expect it to be.”
“What do you mean?”
Kurt sighs. “Didn’t they teach you anything during the last three days? Remember what I told you? You can’t feel any bad physical feelings and that also includes tiredness, hunger and stuff like that. Angels don’t have to sleep or eat or drink. They just do it cause they like it.” He skips some pages.
“So it’s the same like with my hangover? My brain still doesn’t know I’m not supposed to be tired anymore?”
Kurt nods. “There must be some advantages of being in heaven, right?” he ads casually.
“Did you think about taking Satan’s offer to go to hell?” I grin at him.
Kurt knits his brows. “Of course not! Do you really think I would do something like this?” He gives me an angry look.
“Hey, I was just kidding! Relax, dude!” What’s up with him? He’s in a pretty bad mood today.
“Yeah, sure,” he mumbles at stares at the magazine.
I get up and look through the window. Pauli is now brushing his teeth.
“So, how were your last few days? Probably more exciting than mine?” I try to do some small talk to break the awkward silence.
“I doubt that,” Kurt snorts.
I turn around and look at him. He’s still reading the magazine like it’s the most interesting book ever. “Stan told me…”
“What did he tell you? I haven’t talked to Stan since three days!”
Now finally Kurt has given up his interest in the magazine and stares at me. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I sit back down next to Kurt. “Why, what did you think?”
“Well, I’ve seen Stan a few times during the last days, he always was like… I don’t know… telling me, that you’re together and that he’s already thinking about a bigger room so you can move in with him and stuff like that!” Kurt says silently and plays with his fingernails.
Out of shock I swallow the wrong way and start coughing. “He said… what?”
Kurt slaps my back. “He said that…”
“Thanks, Kurt, that was more of a rhetorical question.” I reply and take deep breath. “I’m afraid Stan understood a few things horribly wrong,” I explain. But honestly, is he insane? I mean, even if he thinks I love him, looking for a bigger room already? This is almost a bit scary.
Kurt sighs relieved. “So you and Stan are not together?”
“No!” I shake my head quickly. “I really wonder why he thinks all that!”
"So you and Stan didn't... well, you know..." Kurt stutters, too embarrassed to say out loud what he's thinking.
I blush. "You mean if I slept with him?"
Kurt nods and plays with the magazine insecurely.
"Yeah, I did. But I told him that it's just for fun and doesn't mean anything. He said that's ok for him!"
Kurt raises his head and looks me into the eyes. "It didn't mean anything?"
I can't suppress a giggle. "Are you serious? It's Stan!"
Kurt's lips slightly shape into a smile. "But then why did you do it at all?"
"Guess Satan has left a certain influence on my libido... I dunno... Stan was just there... and I mean, he's a cutie sometimes."
"Looks like you should talk to him soon."
"I know," I sigh, "I wanted to during the last days but he had to work when I wasn't at school and vice versa. Oh my gosh," I'm suddenly stroke by laughter, "he wrote me that poem. I'm the pot, you're the lit, when I'm not around I feel like shit."
Kurt snickers. "Sounds like he could need some help from a muse!"
We both laugh until Pauli comes out of the bathroom. He grabs his jacket and keys and walks towards the front door.
"Alright, let's go," I say and get off the bed.
Suddenly Kurt's pager beeps. He reads the message and shakes his head.
"Sorry, you gotta go alone, this is an emergency. Britney."
"Spears?"
Kurt nods.
"You're Britney Spears' muse? Damn, and I thought I suck in doing my job!"
Kurt frowns. "I really tried to help her but I'm not almighty. Actually I wanted to make her quit making music but she's too ambitious. I did all I could to help her write good songs but she's so bad that all my influence could just prevent the worst." He puts the pager back into his pocket. "Gotta go before she publishes another disastrous single."
Kurt disappears, I follow Pauli.
Now I'm sitting next to him on a bus. Wonder where we are going. Pauli is still humming the Macarena. Just when I try to read his mind to find out what this is all about someone shouts at him.
"If you keep on humming that song I'm gonna stuff my purse into your mouth!"
Pauli turns his head to the side. A girl is staring at him. She has curly black hair and light brown skin, her eyes are sparkling furiously. Pauli blushes.
"Sorry."
"Excuse my outburst but I just hate this song," the girl explains and gives him a suddenly shy smile. "I should think first before I speak." I already like her.
"You don't have to apologize, I hate the song, too," Pauli replies.
"Then why do you sing it?" she wonders.
Pauli shrugs his shoulders. "It's been stuck in my head since a few days. No matter what I try, it's still there. I even dreamt of it."
The girl gives him a pitiful smile. "Oh, that must be hell!" Funny, she probably doesn't know how close she is to the truth about hell. "I have an idea," she says and pulls out a walkman. "Here, listen to that, I swear, you'll get rid of that awful song!"
Pauli takes it and puts the headphones on. I have no clue how to call that kind of music I'm hearing, sounds a bit like reggae but with more African folkloristic influences. Whatever, Pauli seems to like it, he bops his head to the rhythm and smiles. After a few minutes he takes the headphones off again.
"That some great music! What is it?" He wants to know.
The girl smiles. "That's just a local band from my hometown."
"Where are you from?"
"Bet you've never heard of it before," she grins.
"Give me a try, I've been traveling a lot lately, I might know it."
"Jamestown."
"Ok, you were right, no idea where that is!" Pauli laughs.
"That's on an island called St. Helena which is in the Atlantic Ocean, pretty much in the middle between Africa and South America. Don't worry, hardly anyone knows it."
"How come you speak Finnish so well?" Pauli wonders.
"My father is Finnish. He went on holidays to St. Helena, met my mother and stayed. After living there for 24 years I thought it was time to see what my dad's home country looks like."
"So you're on holidays here?"
She shakes her head. "No, I'm staying for a while. I'm working at my cousin's book store."
"How do you like it so far?"
She shrugs her shoulders. "I've only been here since a week. It's a great place. Though I got to get used to the weather. It's a bit cold here!"
"What's wrong with a cosy 12 degrees?" Pauli grins.
She laughs and gets up. "I gotta get off at the next stop. Was nice talking to you!"
"Was nice talking to you, too. Bye," Pauli answers and watches her getting of the bus.
Outside she turns around and waves at him. The bus drives on. Pauli stares through the window with dreamy eyes. Doesn't take much mind-reading to tell that he likes her a lot.
"Damn, I don't even know her name," he suddenly mumbles.
"Whose name?"
"Aki! What are you doing here?" Pauli asks surprised.
Aki drops himself on the empty seat next to him. "Car broke down. So, whose name?"
"The name of that beautiful girl that just got off the bus," Pauli sighs.
Aki turns his head to the window. "Who? What beautiful girl? How could I miss her?" He grins. "Considering your sheepish look of a love sick puppy she must have been stunning!"
Pauli blushes. "She was really cool. And very nice."
"Did you ask for her number?"
"Aki, I didn't even ask for her name!"
"So what? I often had numbers of girls I didn't know the name of!"
"Yeah, and not only that," Pauli mumbles more to himself than to Aki. "Hey, what do you think, how many book stores are there in Helsinki?"
Aki looks at him surprised. "What?"
Pauli sighs. "You know, these shops that sell these things, they are made out of paper and there are lots of words inside."
Aki rolls his eyes. "You mean without pictures? That's not my scene!"
Pauli laughs. "Why am I not surprised? She said she works at a book store."
Aki grins. "And now you want to check all shops hoping to find her? Wow, she must be something special!"
Pauli nods. "Yep!" Then he starts to hum again.
"Oh, come on, is that stupid Macarena song still stuck in your head?"
Pauli sighs again. "Yeah, but at least now it reminds me of something good."



18
"Pauli and the girl from the bus are sitting on a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g," Aki sings when entering the rehearsal room.
"What?" Eero asks surprised and stops attaching new strings on his bass.
"Who?" Lauri shouts from the back.
Pauli rolls his eyes. "Thanks, Aki," he sighs and takes his guitar out of its case.
"Hey, I'm just spreading the news," Aki defends himself.
"What girl?" Lauri walks over to Pauli and sits down next to him.
"Oh, it's just that I met that girl on the bus this morning and, yeah, well, she was really nice."
Lauri grins. "From the look of your eyes she must have left a strong impression on you. What does she look like?"
"She's got that long black curly hair, her skin is like coffee with milk and she has the most amazing big brown eyes. She's from St. Helena, that's an island in the Atlantic ocean, you know?"
"Wow, sounds like she's a real island princess! Did she wear a flower chain and a coconut bra?" Lauri snickers.
Pauli slaps him on the back. "Of course not!"
"And?"
"What and?"
"I mean, are you gonna see her again or something?"
Pauli shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know. She had to get off the buss before I could even ask for her name."
Aki pokes Pauli with his drumsticks. "Lover boy already has a plan. He's gonna search all of Helsinki's book stores for her."
Lauri gives him a questioning look. Pauli blushes.
"I never said that! It's just that she told me she works in her cousin's book store."
"Why not? It sounds like a good idea to me," Eero says, "there are only like ten book shops so it wouldn't take too long!"
"But... I don't know... this is kinda embarrassing, isn't it?" Pauli asks insecurely.
"Dude, that's not embarrassing," Eero replies, "that's sweet!"
"Yeah, sweet, that's what I always wanted to be," Pauli mutters sarcastically.
"Girls like sweet guys, believe me," Aki grins, "you're talking to the master of dating here!"
"Hey, why don't we start your search after lunch? There's a book store right next to O'Reilley's pub!" Eero suggests excited.
"What do you mean with 'we'?" Pauli asks shocked.
"We're gonna help you! Oh, this is gonna be great, we're gonna be matchmakers!"
"Guys... I... you..." Pauli stutters slightly panicking.
"No need to thank us," Eero smiles and takes his bass, "and now let's start rehearsing!"
They all grab their instruments and start playing. At some times I love this job and this is definitely one of them. Just hanging around and listen to them play, ah, sweet bliss. Though somehow Pauli seems to worry about something, he doesn't look as relaxed as he usually does when playing guitar. Ok, time to prove what I've learned at school. Focus, listen closely, read his mind.
"How can I stop them to help me finding the girl? I just know that they'll gonna embarrass me! Not on purpose but... I just know that they will burst out with something stupid. This always happens when we are all together. And I'm sure I won't be able to act cool if they are watching me. Oh, damn, I need to stop them! And what if I find her? If she sees Aki and Lauri she won't even notice me! But even if I find her alone I probably won't be able to talk anyway. I'm such a hopeless case."
Oh, come on, Pauli, you're not! She likes you and she will be happy to see you again! I'm sure about that!
Alright, what did the teacher tell me? Embrace your client to comfort. I'm good in hugging people, I can do that. Let's see. Kinda hard if he's playing his guitar. Maybe from the back. Yep, that will do. Damn, stop moving! No! Don't jump! Hell, can't they play a slow song? Uh, outsch! His shoulder just hit my chin and made me bite my tongue. Damn, brain, when will you finally realize that I'm not supposed to feel any pain! Oh, well, I'm gonna comfort Pauli after rehearsal then.

"Man, I'm full," Aki sighs and shoves his empty plate away. He rubs his belly and burbs.
"Eww, Aki," Eero mutters.
"Hey, what's up? Since when do you complain about that?"
"Since you're doing it in public," Eero sighs.
"It's just us four, what's the public part?"
"How about the waitress who's standing right behind you?" Eero grins.
Aki turns around and blushes. "Oh, excuse me please."
She smiles. "Did you enjoy your meal? Can I get you anything else?" She starts putting the empty plates on her tray.
"No, thanks, can we get the bill please?" Eero asks kindly.
"Sure." She takes the last plate and leaves.
"Why are you in such a hurry?" Aki asks.
"Did you forget about Pauli's girl? We gotta go to the book store next door!" Eero explains.
Pauli clears his throat. "Ehrm, guys, really, you don't have to come with me. Why don't you just stay here and have a coffee or something. I'll see you later!"
Aki puts his arm around Pauli's shoulder. "Don't worry, mate! Of course we're coming with you! We can't leave you alone on this mission, can we?"
"Well, actually..."
Lauri interrupts him. "We are best friends, we will go with you through all the good but also through all the bad times! And we don't know yet if your girl-finding-mission's gonna be good or bad times so we're coming anyway!" He gives him a huge smile.
Pauli sighs. "Ok."
Damn, Pauli! You really should learn to speak up for yourself! They won't kill you if you tell them!
They pay and leave the pub. The store next door is pretty small. Lots of old books are exhibited in the window. It's an antiquary. Pauli stops with his hand on the door knob.
"What are you waiting for?" Aki asks impatiently and shoves Pauli forward. "Go on!"
The door opens, little bells that are attached to the frame ring and Pauli stumbles into the store. "Great," he mumbles and adds in his thoughts. "See, that's what I meant with they'll embarrass me." He raises his head and looks around. Big shelves reach up to the ceiling, they are all stuffed with books. No one is standing behind the counter. The door to a back room is open.
"Hello? Someone here? Lost clients need help!" Lauri suddenly yells.
"Lauri!" Pauli hisses.
"What?" Lauri looks at him surprised.
A tall blond man enters the room through the back door and smiles.
"Hi! Can I help you?"
"We... want... to buy a... book," Pauli stutters.
"I think we might have something for you then, as this is a book store," the man grins. "What kind of book?"
Pauli blushes. "Actually I don't really know. It's a present. Mind if I look around a bit?"
"Of course, tell me if you need any help."
Pauli starts to walk along the shelves, pulling a book out from time to time.
"So, is this your shop?" Eero asks the man behind the counter.
"Yes, it's a family business. It belonged to my grandfather, then my father took over and now it's my store."
"How lovely, must be great to keep a tradition up. Do you do all the work alone?"
"It's a very small business, I don't need much help with this," the man replies nodding.
"Aha," Eero says and turns towards Pauli. "I think this is the wrong place," he whispers.
"I'm sorry, but I haven't found anything yet. I might come back though," Pauli tells the shop keeper and gives him an apologizing smile.
"That's ok, have a nice day!"
The guys say good bye and walk towards the door. Just as I want to follow them I hear a voice.
"Where's the bear costume?"
I turn around and guess who's sitting on the edge of a book, dangling his legs? It's Sean, the annoying little fairy.
"What are you doing here?" I ask him surprised. He's the last one I expected to meet at a book store.
Sean sighs. "I'm living at O'Reilley's next door now. I came here to read a bit in these books."
I stare at him.
"What?" He snaps. "Don't you believe that I like to read? I got more on my mind than getting drunk!"
"No," I reply though I'm really quite surprised that he likes to read. "I was more wondering why you're living in a pub in Helsinki! Not the fact that it's a pub but that it's in Finland!"
Sean blushes. "I've been expelled from Ireland. And as the drinking culture in Finland resembles the Irish drinking culture quite a bit I thought this could be my new home."
"Expelled?"
"Yeah, remember the thing with the magic straw? Oh, sure you do. Well, I kind of borrowed the straw from the king of trolls..."
"You mean you stole it!"
"...that's just another way to put it." He rolls his eyes. "Anyway, he was pretty pissed and as he is the brother-in-law of the cousin of the sister of the fairy queen..."
"The what?"
"... the... forget it, it's not that important. Let's say they are related. So, the troll king was pissed and told the fairy queen to punish me properly. And as I'm not her favorite fairy she gave me two choices. Either leaving the country or working in the troll king's silver mines for the next five years."
"And so you came here."
He nods. "What did happen to you after you left the troll caves?"
"Not much. Well, hope you like it here. Gotta go back to work now." I turn towards the door.
"Wait!" He flaps his wings and lands on my shoulder. He pats the fabric of my shirt and frowns. "I miss the fur. So, where are we going now?"
Are you kidding me? I laugh dryly. "'We' are not going anywhere!"
"Oh, come on, don't remember the fun time we had at the festival?"
"Yeah, and I also remember the fun time we had at the troll caves!"
"I'm not gonna get you in trouble, I swear! I'm a good fairy after all!"
"Who just got expelled from his home country!"
"But... I... feel lonely! You're the only person I know around here!" He gives me the puppy-eye look.
Oh, damn. He really looks sad. I sigh.
"Ok, you can come with me."
He gives me a huge smile. "Cool, where are we going?"
Suddenly the little bells above the door ring. Someone enters the store.
"Hi Maya! Where have you been? I'm starving!" The guy behind the counter shouts.
Oh my gosh, it's the girl from the bus! She's carrying some Chinese food boxes.
"Sorry, there was a huge queue at the restaurant. I brought you some Chop Suey." She hands him a box.
He smiles. "Great, that's my favorite! Guess what, you just missed some famous Finish people!"
"Really?" She doesn't seem to be impressed.
"Yeah, The Rasmus, that's a pretty successful Finish band. They were looking for a gift."
"A band? What kind of music do they play?"
"Rock."
"Oh. I'm not too much into rock music. Never heard of them. Alright, enjoy your meal, I'm gonna continue with the book-keeping now."
She disappears into the back room.
"Damn, that's the girl my client is looking for everywhere in Helsinki! I gotta find a way to tell him where to find her!" I tell Sean.
"Well, then, what are you waiting for? Let's go! Woohoo, we're on a mission!" he shouts excited and jumps up and down on my shoulder.
"Wrong. I'm on a mission, you're just coming with me cause I feel sorry for you to leave you alone!" I explain.
Sean grins. "Aw, come on," he playfully shoves his elbow into my cheek, "you can admit it, you like me! And I have so many great ideas of how to get your client to meet this girl!"
"And how many of your ideas are legal for an angel?" I ask him with raised eyebrows.
He rolls his eyes. "Alright, alright, I'll shut up. Do it in your clean angel way, even if it's gonna take you forever and involves a lot of work and..."
"Just shut up, Sean!"
He's right, I have no idea how to tell Pauli where to find Maya but whatever, he's not gonna get me into trouble again!



19
"Don't worry, Pauli, we'll find her," Eero says and puts his arm around Pauli's shoulder. "There are still four book stores left we haven't been to yet."
"Yeah," Pauli mumbles and lets himself fall on the sofa in the rehearsal room.
Aki joins him. "I've never expected that there are so many hot girls working in book shops in this city!"
"And why not?" Eero asks and raises his eyebrows. "Cause good-looking girls can't read?"
"No, I just thought people in these shops are... I don't know... old... or freaks who love Harry Potter and secretly hide their fake scar sticker, pair of round glasses and plastic wand in their closets."
"Hey, I like Harry Potter, too," Lauri frowns. "Gotta find a better place to hide my costume," he adds in his thoughts.
"And of course I know that book-reading chicks can be hot! Do you really think I'm that shallow?" Aki complains. "There's nothing better than an intelligent conversation after sex!"
"And what's your part during that intelligent conversation, Aki? Definitely not talking!" Eero chuckles.
"I didn't know you were able to speak while sleeping," Lauri grins.
"Hey, it's not 'make fun of the drummer'-day! Why don't you pick on someone else?" Aki answers insulted.
"Oh, come on, don't be pissed! You know we love you!" Eero smiles conciliatory.
Pauli nods. "Yeah, we love you... and all your shallowness!" He ads and jumps off the couch to escape from the pillow that Aki is throwing at him.
"I think we need another strategy," Eero sighs.
"What? Teasing Aki but not as obviously?" Lauri asks surprised.
"No, dumbass! With finding island queen!"
"Oh."
"I mean, we didn't exactly ask if they have someone working at their shops that looks like her, right?"
"Yeah, we should ask more detailed questions at the other stores!" Lauri nods his head.
"Why don't we paint 'wanted'-posters and pin them on all trees and lamp posts," Pauli mumbles sarcastically.
"Good idea, man!" Aki shouts excited. "We could work together with the press! They could write something like 'Desperately seeking... pretty girl from...'"
"Guys! Seriously!" Pauli yells out shocked. "Stop it! This is just embarrassing! I don't even know if she wants to see me again, she probably has already forgotten about me. I'm gonna check the other book shops tomorrow and if I don't find her... I don't know, I'll take it as a sign or something."
"A sign?"
Pauli sighs. "Yeah, maybe I'll find her but maybe it's just not meant to be. One of these destiny things, you know? Alright guys, let's play some music. We gotta record a new album soon!"
Aaaw, Pauli, come on! That destiny thing is bullshit! And you almost found her, you just don't know it yet! But I promise I'll hook you two up!
"Hey, I remember these guys from the festival," Sean shouts into my ear. "They rock!"
"I know. But what can I do to hook Pauli and Maya up?"
Sean scratches his little chin. "Hm... let me think about it. How about you write a little message and leave it on his bed?"
"Sean! Though I know how to move things now, I also learned that it's forbidden to do something like this!"
"But..."
"No, Sean! It's illegal!"
"What's illegal?"
I turn around. Kurt looks at me with knitted brows.
"Oh, nothing," I reply quickly. "So how did things with Britney go?"
Kurt frowns. "What do you think?"
"Britney Spears? Damn, she's hot!" Sean grins. "I love her tow huge..."
"Sean!"
"Eyes of course!"
"Yeah, sure. How can you find her oversized tits attractive? I mean, for a small guy like you they are a dangerous weapon! They would squeeze you to death if you come too close!"
"Rita?"
"Yes, Kurt?"
"Can I talk to you?" He looks at the little fairy. "In private."
Sean rolls his eyes but flies into the opposite corner of the room. He's fluttering around the drum kit and watches Aki from above.
"What is he doing here?" Kurt whispers and nods into Sean's direction.
"He's been expelled from Ireland and doesn't know anyone else in Helsinki. I felt sorry for him so I allowed him to hang out with me."
Kurt sighs. "He's a goddamn fairy! He's gonna get you in trouble!"
"But he promised me to be good!"
Kurt looks at me doubtfully. "And you believe him?"
I shrug my shoulders. "Sure."
"After all that has happened?"
"I know, I know," I mutter sarcastically, "I tend to hand out with the wrong people... Sean, Stan, Satan..."
"What?" Kurt stares at me.
Damn, did I just say this out loud. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
"Oh, I mean at the party." Lame excuse but I hope he believes me.
"At the party, aha. And then why are you thinking what you just thought?" Kurt crosses his arms and gives me an accusing look.
Damn, caught. How can I get myself out of that again? Maybe I should try the truth for once...
"You know, the day after the party I went to my room at lunch time and Satan was waiting for me. He talked to me and then I kissed him...
"You did what?"
I sigh. "I kissed him. It all got pretty hot but then Stan knocked on my door and suddenly that influence that Satan had on me kinda disappeared and I told him to fuck off. That's it."
"Really? You were able to resist him? That's pretty... impressive."
I smile shyly. "Thanks." Guess I shouldn't tell him that I already regretted a few times not to have taken the opportunity to hook up with a sexy guy like Satan.
"How hot?" Kurt suddenly asks.
"What?"
Kurt clears his throat. "You said it got pretty hot between you and Satan, I was just wondering..."
"Help! Please! Someone get me out of here!" Sean's voice interrupts him.
Somehow he must have fallen on Aki's drums. The hits of the sticks make him bounce on the skins. "Quick!" He bounces to the left. "He's!" Then jumps to the right. "Gonna!" He swirls through the air and lands on his back. "Kill me!"
Kurt grins. "Oh, too bad!"
I shove him into the side. "That's not funny. We gotta help him!"
Kurt rolls his eyes, opens his hand and says "Sean".
The little fairy on the drums suddenly vanishes into thin air and appears on Kurt's palm again.
Wow. "How did you do that? Can I do that, too?"
Kurt laughs. "No, you don't have your angel license yet."
"My what?"
"Didn't they tell you at the workshop?"
I shake my head.
"After being an angel for three years you have to take the angel license exam. If you pass you get these extra skills."
"Cool! What other extra skills?" Man, I wanna be able to do something like this, too!
"Building up walls so that no one else can read you mind for example. Or being able to plant messages into your client's brain."
That's the solution to my problem! "Could you pass a message to Pauli from me? That would be really great!"
He shakes his head. "Sorry, it only works with your own clients."
"Damn." I tell him about Maya and Pauli. "So what do you think I could do to help him?"
"I'm afraid there's not much you can do. But they go to that pub pretty often and the book store is next door, right? So I guess it's almost inevitable that they'll meet again!"
He's got a point there.
"Hey, guys. Sorry if I'm interrupting your conversation but the band is about to leave," Sean tell us.
We watch the band packing their stuff and follow Pauli back to his apartment. He's writing emails on his computer right now.
"By the way, did you tell God about the thing with Satan?" Kurt asks.
"What thing with Satan?" Sean wants to know and looks at me expecting.
"That's none of your business!"
"Hanging out with the real bad guys, huh?" he grins and winks.
"Shut up, Sean. Nah, didn't tell her."
Kurt is surprised. "Don't you have to give her a daily report?"
"Yeah, but I wasn't sure if I should tell her or not... I mean, he's her ex."
Kurt sighs. "I'm pretty sure she already knows. Tell her about it as soon as possible, she doesn't like if people are trying to hide something from her."
Oh, oh. Hope she's not pissed off or something. Gonna tell her later. Kurt's pager beeps.
He reads the message and gets up.
"Britney?" I ask
He shakes his head. "Adam Green."
"Hey, looks like you're having at least some impact on some of your clients!"
Kurt frowns. "I also have a great impact on Britney! See, imagine I could raise an artist on a scale from one to ten from a one to a ten. The thing with Britney is that she's already a minus ten. So even if I raise her musicality ten points, it's still zero!"
I smile. "Don't worry, I know you're not almighty! I'm sure you're doing a great job. See you later!"
Kurt leaves.
Pauli gets up and lays down on his bead. Sean yawns and stretches his body.
"Good idea, I think it's time for me to sleep, too." He flies over to Pauli and lands on Pauli's hair that's spread over the pillow. He cuddles up in the curls and sighs.
"Ah, that's nice and warm. See ya tomorrow!"
"Watch out, Pauli might kill you if he turns around while sleeping," I warn him.
"Don't worry, I'm not that easy to get rid off," Sean mumbles tiredly and dozes away.
I should try to watch Pauli's dreams. Maybe he's dreaming of Maya.
I sit down on the edge of the bed and softly touch his forehead. Only seconds later I'm in Pauli's dream. Cool, I'm really good at this!
Pauli is walking along a beach. The sky is painted red, orange and pink, it's a beautiful sunset. A warm breeze is stroking through his hair. Suddenly a girl walks towards him. It's Maya. But she's wearing a bast skirt, a coconut bra and a flower chain around her neck. She gives him a hug and a little kiss on the cheek. They sit down in the sand, holding hands and watching the sunset silently. They don't talk but I can feel how happy they are. Aaaw, this is so sweet and romantic. Guess Aki's dream of a girl at a beach would look completely different! But Pauli's dream is all ... oh, no! Now they are all over each other, the coconut bra flies through the air... I gotta get out of here, quickly!
Phew, I'm back at the apartment. Though Pauli's my client I really don't need to know every private little detail!
Pauli turns around. Where's Sean?
"Sean?"
"I'm here!"
"I thought you wanted to sleep!" I say and turn towards him. He's sitting in front of Pauli's computer. "Hey, what are you doing?" I walk over.
"Nothing! The computer was still turned on, I swear!"
I look at the screen. "Oh, really?" I ask sarcastically.
"Yeah, I think he's downloading something. I just accidentally fell on the keyboard," Sean defends himself.
"Sure, you just 'accidentally' fell on www.therasmusforum.com?"
Sean nods and pushes the mouse forward with full fore. "Yep, and, oops, now I accidentally pushed the left mouse button, sorry!"
A window pops up. Hey, what's that? http://www.therasmusforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=8327&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 Shout outs to Pauli! All kind of people left messages to tell Pauli how great he is! Now that's really cool. I'm sure that will make him feel much more confident if he reads it. But it's illegal to leave messages, damn.
"Sean, we can't leave that window open!"
"Why not?"
"Cause I'm not allowed to leave any messages. He will wonder where this came from!"
"But actually it wasn't you who left the messages, that were his fans!"
"But I opened the page!"
"You didn't do anything! You didn't even touch the computer!" He grins at me.
"But..." I stop. Actually he's right! I didn't do anything. So I could just as well leave it like that, can't I?


20

Last night I talked to God about what has happened with Satan. She was pretty mad but only with Satan and not with me. At least that's what she told me.
"Bastard," she has yelled, "I'm gonna cut his dong off so he can't molest any of my angels again!"
Outsch, poor him. Though I could imagine him being pretty talented to molest angels with other body parts.
Still haven't talked to Stan yet but I just haven't had any time. Though I was pretty close to sent him a "Leave me the fuck alone" message after receiving the two hundredth "Missing you!". But I guess that's not fair, gotta tell him in person. And as soon as possible.
I beam myself to Pauli's apartment and find him sitting in front of his computer. He's reading the pages of the forum with a huge grin on his face. Sean is nowhere to be seen though I left him here last night. Guess he went back to the pub to have his fairy-breakfast, Guiness and toast.
Aki walks through the front door. "Morning, buddy!"
Pauli tunrs around and gives him a surprised look. "How did you come in here?"
"Through the door?" Aki suggests.
"Wasn't it closed?" Pauli wonders.
Aki shakes his head. Gotta remind Sean to not leave the door open behind him.
"What are you doing?"
"This is really weird but you know, last night went to bed but left my computer turned on to download something over night. And this morning when I got up these pages were on the screen."
Aki peaks over Pauli's shoulder and laughed. "Oh, these! You didn't know them?"
"Nope."
"There are these kind of threads about all of us."
"Yeah, well, I knew that the girls write about you and Lauri but..."
"But what? That they don't write about you? Dork! We all have our fans! Sometimes I even wish I had your fans and not mine," Aki sighs. "All they write about me is that I'm good-looking. Not that this isn't true but they never talk about how great my drumming is. Well, some do but that's a minority. Your fans love you for who you are and how you play the guitar!"
Pauli laughs. "Oh, come on, I'm sure every one knows you're a great drummer. I think you are. And you're definitely the best-looking drummer," he adds and winks.
Aki rolls his eyes. "Oh please, don't you start as well! Being beautiful is such a burden!" He sighs dramatically.
"Seems like everyone knows that I have lots of fans except for me. I'm so stupid!" Pauli thinks but I can feel that he's happy. Guess Sean's idea's aren't as useless as I expected. Pauli gets up and turns the computer off. "Alright, beauty, let's go!"
I follow them to the rehearsal room. Eero and Lauri are already there, sitting in a pile of letters and boxes. Aki sighs.
"Damn, I forgot, it's Tuesday, fan mail day!"
Lauri opens a box and pulls out a blue teddy bear. "Oh, great, another stuffed animal," he mutters and throws it into a corner where it lands on a colorful pile of toys.
"They already haunt me in my dreams," Pauli says, "not like they threaten me or something but there are always laying tons of stuffed animals around."
"They don't bother me," Eero explains, "just think of all the kids that will be happy if we give them to the Red Cross."
"I just wonder why our fans are sending them to us? Do they really think we spend all day cuddling our toys? Why don't they send something more useful?" Lauri asks.
"Like what?" Aki wants to know.
Lauri shrugs his shoulders. "Cigarettes, guitar strings, coughing drops, clean socks, anything but teddy bears!"
"Hey, look what I got!" Pauli says and pulls a little thing out of an envelope. "A Pauli-button!"
Aki chuckles. "What's that for? Could come in quite handy if you forget your name one day, I guess!"
"You could add your address and a little sign that says 'I'm lost, please take me home!'" Lauri suggests grinning.
Pauli raises his eyebrow. "Says the one who slept in an empty water fountain one night cause he was to drunk to remember where he lived!"
Lauri blushes. "See, it's always a good thing to have a button like this!"
The guys spend all day with reading their fan mail. Around six they leave to have dinner at O'Reilleys pub. Good! Maybe Maya will be around!
While they are eating I go over to the book store and look after her. She's sitting in the back room doing the book-keeping. Damn, Pauli won't see her if she's not in the front room! I gotta get her out of here! But what can I do? The store is already closed, she's the only one left working. She's bending over her papers in the light of a little desk lamp.
I walk to the front and push a few books off the shelf. They crash to the floor.
Maya looks up. "Hello? Someone there?" She asks insecurely but after not getting a response she just shrugs her shoulders and keeps on working.
I try again.
Now she gets up and switches the lights on.
"Hello? Johan, if you're trying to be funny, you're not!"
She checks the room and picks up the books.
"Weird," she mumbles and goes back to her desk.
Oh, come on, girl, don't you wonder why things are moving mysteriously? I throw more books at the ground.
Maya returns and stares at them. "What the fuck? I just picked them up!" She looks around and thinks "This is getting kinda creepy."
Seems like she's decided to pack her stuff and leave. Great! Now go to the pub and order a beer to calm down! I follow her at the street. Maya locks the shop door and takes deep breath. She looks at the pub. What are you waiting for? Go in! She walks a few steps towards the entrance but then stops and turns away. She leaves. Damn.
"Guess that's not what you wanted!" I hear Sean's voice from my shoulder.
"Not really."
"I still think you should leave Pauli a little note on his pillow or something!"
"No, Sean! You know I'm not allowed to do that."
"Then let's go back inside. Hey, your boys in there are really some funny guys! And also some strong drinkers!"
"I thought they were just having dinner!"
"Maybe they decided on liquid food, I don't know. Even for me it's hard to keep up with them, impressive!"
Sean burbs. I can smell his beer breath. Think I should better go back to my Rasmusses to prevent any drunken embarrassing actions.
"Rita!"
Oh no, I recognize that voice. Before I can reply I feel strong hands turning me around and soft lips kissing me. Hm, not too bad actually!
"Easy, mate! Don't shove me off!" Sean complains on my shoulder.
I back up a bit and smile insecurely.
"Stan, hi. I think we need to talk about some things."
"Rita, I missed you!" Stan leans forward to kiss me again.
I step back. "No, Stan, don't!"
"Hey! Is that guy bothering you? You want me to get rid of him?" Sean shouts and flutters up and down in front of Stan's face, raising his little fists.
"It's ok, Sean. Would you please just leave us alone?"
"Are you sure? Just give me a call and I knock this guy out, I swear!"
I laugh. "Though I'm really flattered and would love to know how you would do that, yes, I am sure. Please leave us alone."
Sean rolls his eyes and flies away.
"I meant really alone not hiding behind the lamp post!"
"Ok, ok," I hear Sean mutter in the background. Then he slips through the pub's door with some people who walk in as well.
Stan smiles at me. "Who's that funny little guy? A friend of yours?"
I nod. "Come on, let's sit down."
We take place on a nearby bench. Stan takes my hand.
"Good to see you again, baby!"
I sigh. How am I gonna tell him nicely what's going on?
"Stan, I'm afraid you misunderstood this whole situation!"
He looks at me with big eyes. "What do you mean?"
"Remember that night after the party?"
He laughs. "Of course I do! That's when this wonderful thing between us started!"
"No, Stan. See, that's what you're getting wrong. There's no wonderful thing between us!"
He stares at me.
"Stan, that night I told you that if we have sex, it doesn't mean anything, that it's just for fun. And you said that it's ok with you!"
"Yeah, but that was before you slept with me! Afterwards..."
"I only slept with you cause you said that you understood what I were saying!"
"But I thought.... I mean, you didn't look like it was a horrible experience or something!"
"Cause it wasn't horrible at all! I enjoyed it very much!"
"So where is the problem then?" He looks at me with questioning eyes.
I sigh again. "It was just a one night stand. Nothing more or less. It was great. But the stress is on 'was'!"
"But... but... I love you!" he stutters. "Don't you feel the same?"
I shake my head. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier!"
Stan drops his head and stares at his hands.
"I'm really sorry. But we can stay friends, you know?" Oh, damn. Can't believe I just said that. That's really the lamest thing to say in a situation like this.
He still doesn't say anything.
"Stan, are you ok?"
Suddenly he's starting to shake. I hear silent sobs. Oh no, he's crying. I really can't handle crying men. Don't know why, it just irritates me. I insecurely pat his shoulder.
"Hey, don't cry," I whisper.
Stan throws himself against my chest and hugs me tightly.
"Please, you can't do that, you can't leave me!" He sobs.
Well, technically I'm not leaving him cause I've never been together with him but I guess that wouldn't be a big comfort if I said that right now.
"I'm not leaving you, we'll stay friends! I'm sorry that I didn't clear up things earlier but I really thought you knew that it was only a one night stand!"
Stan wipes the tears off his face and swallows. "Oh, my gosh, now I know. It was my poem! It was so bad it made you run away from me!" He whines.
I try not to laugh. "No, it wasn't the poem! That was really... nice."
"So what is it then? My hair? My deodorant? My breath?" He quickly blows some air into his hand and smells it. "What is it?"
"Calm down, Stan! There's nothing wrong with you! I like you but I just don't love you."
Stan gets up. "I think I better go now and let you return to work."
"Alright, see you later."
"Yeah, whatever," he mumbles and beams himself away.
Geez, that didn't go too well but I guess there's no good way to break a message like this. I should go back to my Rasmusses.
They are standing at the bar with a few other people, drinking, chatting and laughing. Even Eero is still there, he's sober though. Lauri just came back from the bathroom.
Pauli stares at him. "Hey, you're wearing my Pauli-button!"
Lauri looks at his jacket and grins. "Looks good, huh?"
"But why?"
Lauri steps closer and grabs Pauli's cheeks with his hands.
"You know, I'm your biggest fan! But I'm not just a fan." He stops and gulps. "Pauli, dude, I love you!" He plants a big wet kiss on Pauli's lips.
Pauli struggles and puts his hand on Lauri's forehead to push him away.
"Eeew, Lauri!" he shouts and wipes his lips. "Barkeeper, no drinks for this young man over here anymore!"
"But Pauli! Don't deny your feeling, I know you want it, too!" Lauri sobs but has problems to stay serious.
Pauli grins. "Behave or I'll take that button away from you!"
Lauri pretends to be shocked and covers the button with his hand. "No! My precious! It's mine! You can't take it away!"
While everyone bursts into laughter Eero raises his voice.
"Guys, I don't wanna spoil all the fun," he shouts, "but we all got to get up early tomorrow!"
"What's tomorrow?" Aki wonders.
"The photo shooting, remember?"
"Ha, I don't care," Lauri says and grabs his beer.
"We can't all hide behind sunglasses and a beanie, some of us have to look fresh tomorrow," Eero explains. "No, get up and go home!"
They all mutter complaints but do what Eero has told them. I follow Pauli to his apartment and watch him go to bed. I should take a quick look at his dream before going home as well.
He's in the blue room again, surrounded by stuffed animals. No macarena this time, thank god. In the middle of the room there's a little pole with a red phone standing on it. It rings. Pauli slowly approaches and picks up the receiver.
"Hello?" He asks insecurely.
"Hey, are you Pauli?"
Somehow that voice sounds familiar.
"Yeah, who's talking."
"Let's say, I'm a friend of a friend. I got a message for you!"
Damn, that's Sean? How did he get into this dream?
"What message?" Pauli asks surprised.
No, Sean! Don't do this!
"The girl you're looking for is called Maya. She works at the book store next to O'Reilley's Irish pub!"
Damn fairy! They'll think I told you to do this!


21
"Sean, shut the fuck up!" I shout out loud.
Suddenly Pauli stares into my direction.
"And who are you?" He asks surprised.
What is happening here? Actually I'm not supposed to be seen in Pauli's dreams! That's what they've taught me at school. But he's obviously talking to me.
"What are you doing here? And who's Sean?"
I stare at him. Come on, girl, say something smart! I shrug my shoulders.
"How should I know? It's your dream, not mine!"
"Guess you're right," Pauli mutters and looks at the receiver he's still holding in his hand. "So was that guy on the phone right? I mean about the girl from the book store?"
Damn. I'm not allowed to answer that. But it would make things so much easier! Nah, can't do that, I'm already in enough trouble.
"So?" Pauli is waiting for an answer.
"Sorry, can't say anything about that."
"If this is my dream, than why can't I make you answer my questions?"
Smartass. "I think I should go now." I should have gone right after he saw me...
"No, wait, why..."
I can't hear the rest of his question, I'm back at his apartment. Pauli's turning around restlessly in his bed. Poor him, guess he's gonna be quite confused when he wakes up.
"Sean, get your ass over here! Right now!" I can't see him but I know he's still in this room.
Sean shyly flies into the light of a street lamp that falls through the window. He grins apologizing. "Oops."
"Yeah, oops! What were you doing in Pauli's dream? And why did he see me?" I yell at him angrily.
"Well, I had a little... accident with the fairy dust!"
"With what?"
Sean sighs. "Fairy dust! Man, what do you guys learn about fairy tales nowadays? Fairy dust is that glittery stuff that us fairies spread over things to... do a little magic! Remember Peter Pan? That's the stuff that makes the kids fly for example!"
"Stop lecturing me! Why the fuck did you do that? Are trying to get me into trouble on purpose? I thought we were friends!"
"But that's why I did it! To help a friend! I thought if I give Pauli a little hint in his dream it will make your job easier. You were not supposed to have anything to do with it!" Sean tries to explain. Then he blushes. "But when I spread the fairy dust on Pauli some of it must have fallen on you. That's why he was able to see you. I'm really sorry!" He looks at me with huge eyes which are slowly filling with tears. "I totally screwed up and now you're gonna hate me and I'm gonna be all alone in this country, far away from home," he sobs.
Oh, damn. I feel my anger melting away. Guess this has really been an accident. And actually he just wanted to help me. I sigh.
"Oh, shut up! I'm going home now but I'll see you tomorrow."
I leave. God is probably already waiting for me and my daily report. Somehow I think I shouldn't tell her about the dream incident...

When I beam myself to earth the next morning, the band is already on their way to the photo shooting. Pauli is hardly speaking. Aki and Lauri are joking around but Eero notices Pauli's behavior.
"Hey, what's up? Didn't you sleep well?"
"Nah, dreamt a lot of weird stuff," Pauli mutters. "And I wish that stupid shooting was already over!".
Eero sighs. "Yeah, me, too. I hate photo shootings!"
"Maybe we can just put Aki and Lauri in the front and hide in the back," Pauli suggests weakly.
Eero snickers. "Kinda hard to hide behind our two midgets."
Pauli laughs. "You might be right about that."
"So what was it about?"
"What?"
"You're dream!"
Pauli blushes. "Alright, I'll tell you. But swear you're not gonna laugh about me!"
Eero nods. "Don't worry, I dream weird shit all the time. Like two days ago, I dreamt about my mom and that enormous lobster that took of my wife's..."
"As much as I appreciate your frankness, I'm not sure if I wanna know every detail about that dream," Pauli interrupts him.
"Sorry. So what about yours?"
Pauli tells him about his dream. "So what do you think?"
"You name people in your dreams Sean?"
"No, that girl called the voice on the phone Sean. But I mean, what do you think about the thing with the girl in the book store?" Pauli asks insecurely.
Eero shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know. Why don't you go there and check it out? Hey, today it's Valentine's day! Maybe that's a sign or something! We should go there later on. You got nothing to lose, right?" Eero winks.
"Yeah," Pauli mumbles and adds in his thoughts. "Except for my self-confidence after being rejected. And maybe my sanity cause I'm doing what a voice called Sean told me in my dream."
I'm staying with Pauli for the rest of the day, trying to spread some self-confidence on him. But his thoughts are filled with doubt. He's afraid of a rejection, unsure if he should go to the book store at all. In the end of the photo shooting he has at least made up his mind about looking for Maya. When they leave the studio he holds Eero back.
"What's up? Are you going to the book shop?" Eero asks curiously.
Pauli nods.
Eero grins. "That's cool, wait, I'm gonna call the others!"
"No!" Pauli says quickly and slightly shocked. "I think... I'm gonna do this alone. And I would be really glad if you didn't tell Aki and Lauri."
"Why?" Eero looks at him surprised.
"It's kind weird to go find that girl just cause I had this dream, isn't it?"
Eero shrugs his shoulder. "It's your decision. Alright, I'll see you later. Good luck!"
Well done, Pauli! Now you got a chance to talk to Maya without the other guys embarrassing you.
Pauli goes home to change, I go to the pub to see if I can find Sean. He's sitting on the counter and chews on a piece of toast.
"Hey, what's up? Why didn't you come to the photo shooting with us?"
Sean sighs. "I thought I'd leave you alone for a while before I get you into more trouble."
"Aw, come on! Actually you quite helped me a bit!" I say and tell him about what's Pauli going to do. "If I just knew how to help him to be less shy and to make sure Maya likes him, too!"
"Oh, that's easy," Sean flies on my shoulder, "why don't you call Cupid?"
"Cupid like in little blond chubby boy, shooting arrows into people's hearts to make them fall in love?" I ask surprised.
"How many other Cupids do you know?" Sean replies sarcastically. "Though he looks a bit different now."
"But is it..."
"Legal? Of course it is! You can check your Rules of Heaven if you don't believe me!" Sean smiles.
I pull the little black book out of my back pocket and scan the index. There it is, page 26. "Cupid is a professional in all kind of love matters. He can be hired to help clients finding their love."
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"Hey, are you the one who should have read the Rules of Heaven properly or me?" Sean complains. "Might be a bit difficult as it's Valentine's Day today. Guess he's pretty busy. But Cupid is an old friend of mine, he still owes me a favor. I'll call him."
Sean pulls out a tiny cell phone.
"You have a cell phone?" I wonder.
"You have a pager, where's the difference?"
"I didn't know they make these tiny phones!"
"We're in Finland, for fuck's sake! They can turn anything into a cell phone around here. And now shut up and let me make my call."
I leave the pub and sit down in front of the book store. I don't wanna miss Pauli if he finally gets here.
"You're the only one around I see, am I right that you're waiting for me?" Someone asks. A person is standing in front of me. My glance wanders from his feet up to his head. Holy shit! What's that?
"Who are you?"
"I'm Cupid, stupid!"
I'm looking at a tall and very chubby guy. He's almost bald except for a few blonde curls at the back of his head. He's wearing nothing but some huge white diaper-like shorts, his enormous beer belly covers a golden belt. He waves at me with a little arrow.
"This is my arrow, here's my bow, why don't you show me the couple so I can start the show?"
I'm still staring at him, unable to say a word. I gulp a few times and clear my throat.
"Ehrm, well, sorry that I'm staring at you but I expected you to look a bit different. Like smaller, younger and maybe kind of... cuter?"
Cupid sighs. "I always hear things like that, no need to tell me cause I know I grew old and fat!"
"Sorry," I mutter quickly.
"Hey, Coop, long time no see," Sean shouts and joins us. "Rita, Coop, Coop, Rita," he introduces us. "So, how's business?"
"A lot to do, especially today, so let's start work, I need to go away!"
"I'm sorry, Pauli's not there yet but I think he will be here any minute," I tell him.
"No need for worries, as long as he hurries," Cupid replies and pulls a cigarette pack out of his diaper.
"Don't wanna be nosy but is there a reason why you speak in rhymes?"
Cupid sighs again. "Wish I could stop it, folks, but it's one of God's stupid jokes."
Suddenly Pauli comes walking towards the book store. I jump up.
"That's him! Let's go!"
We follow Pauli. He enters the shop. The little bells above the door ring.
"I'm coming!" Maya shouts from the back.
I can see how Pauli's face turns pale. He quickly grabs a book from a shelf and puts it on the counter. Maya steps into the room.
"Hi! How can I help you?" Then she recognizes Pauli and smiles. "Hey! How are you?"
Pauli smiles back shyly. "Great to see you again."
"How's the macarena?" She asks and grins.
"What?" Pauli is confused.
"Still stuck in your head?" Maya winks at him.
Pauli blushes. "Oh, yeah, no, I mean... it just came back once."
Maya takes the book that Pauli has put on the counter.
"Pauline Reage, The Story of O? That's an... interesting choice!" She grins.
"No! This is... I mean... that's just a present," Pauli stutters embarrassed.
"Hope she likes it!"
"No, no, it's for a guy!"
"Come on, Cupid, what are you waiting for?" I ask chubby diaper boy.
He knits his eyebrows. "I'm not really sure about these two. Are you?"
I nod impatiently. "Of course! Don't they look cute together?"
Cupid shrugs his shoulder and bends his bow. A little golden arrow hits Maya on the forehead. It explodes, little red hearts swirl around her head. Cupid raises his bow again and shoots another arrow at Pauli.
"Alright, my friends, let the love flow. Thanks for the job, I gotta go."



22
Cupid is gone.
"Does he like send me a bill or something?" I ask Sean.
He shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know, I never had to call Cupid for business. I don't need any help with the ladies," he ads and winks.
"Sure. You just make them drunk until they are unable to say no."
Sean frowns. "I can be really charming, you know?"
"Guess I'm not fairy enough for you to be worth treated charming, huh?"
Sean quickly flies around me, then stops in front of my face and grins. "Though the spiky ears are missing you're quite a babe! Too bad you're so tall but if you want... a little bit of fairy dust here and a little magic spell there and we could..." he wiggles his eyebrows and gives me a cheeky smile.
I roll my eyes. "Ehrm, well, no thanks!"
"Hey, I'm just trying to be charming!" Sean complains.
"Wanna get shrunk to get laid? Sean, you really need to work on your pick-up lines!"
"Lots of girls liked that!"
"But only cause they were drunk. Which leads us to the start of our conversation. Let's talk about something else. Where do you know Cupid from?"
"Oh, the usual stuff, we met at football games or at parties. He's the fourth guy from my cousin's poker round."
Why am I still surprised when I hear that all these fairy tale people do normal stuff? Anyway, let's see how Pauli and Maya are doing. They haven't moved since Cupid has shot them, they are just staring at each other.
"Is that normal?" I kinda start worrying. They don't even blink.
Sean shrugs his shoulders. "Dunno. Are they breathing?" He flies towards Pauli and sticks his little hand into Pauli's nose. "Yep."
He sits down on Pauli's shoulder and pulls at one of his curls. No reaction. "Did he break them?"
"Damn." I walk over to Maya and poke her into the shoulder. Nothing. "Man, he could have at least left some instructions or something!"
Sean clears his throat and points at a piece of paper that's lying on the counter. "Actually I think he did."
"To start love, attach head of client A to head of client B," I read out loud. I sigh. "Great. How's that supposed to happen? There's the counter between them!"
"We gotta make them bend forward and then they'll touch!" Sean suggests.
I nod. "Alright. On three. One, two..." I place my hand on Maya's head's back. I try to concentrate. Moving things is still one of my weak points. "Three!"
Suddenly Pauli's and Maya's heads crash against each other. Oops, I guess I overestimated my force. Sorry.
They both rub their foreheads and stare at each other.
"What was that?" Pauli asks insecurely.
Maya rallies quickly and laughs. "Guess we shouldn't bend forward at the same time."
She picks up the book and opens the cover to read the price. "Oh, I'm afraid this book is pretty expensive, there's a handwritten dedication from the author at the first page. Maybe you wanna look for something else?"
Pauli shrugs his shoulders. "How much is it?"
"200 Euros. Guess it's a first edition but you should ask my cousin Johan for details cause I don't know much about that."
Pauli smiles. "That's alright. I buy it."
Maya laughs. "Johan's gonna love you for that. 200 Euros is what he usually only makes on a really good day."
"Guess it's worth it if it's a signed first edition, " Pauli replies. Seems like he's feeling uncomfortable talking about money. And somehow I think Maya has realized that, too.
"So, is your friend a literature freak or something?"
"What friend?" Pauli asks surprised.
"The one you're buying the book for," Maya reminds him.
Pauli blushes. "Yeah, well, kind of. Can I pay with Visa?"
Maya nods, Pauli pays.
Oh, come on! Do something! Say something! Invite her for a drink! Until now it doesn't really look like Cupid's done a good job.
"Hello! Pauli! Wake up! Ask her out!" I shout at him.
Sean rubs his ear. "Ey! I'm sitting right in front of his ear in case you haven't noticed!"
"Sorry," I apologize, "but isn't this disappointing? I thought we would see at least a few sparks between them or something."
"Sure, cause life is a fucking cartoon," Sean mutters sarcastically.
"What about the little flying golden hearts we've seen before, five-inch-midget with wings, huh?"
"Rita, Rita, when will you finally learn about what is real and what is fiction?" Sean sighs.
"Oh, shut up! At the moment I'd believe anything you tell me."
"Really?" Sean grins. "Did you know that I have..."
"Whatever it is, I don't wanna know. I got a job to do here, remember?" I bend my head towards Mayas ear and whisper. "Look at him, he's cute! And didn't you realize you've just been shot by Cupid? Be a modern woman! Ask him out! What are you waiting for?"
Maya hands Pauli the sales slip. "Please sign here."
Pauli signs it and hands it back. Maya reads it and smiles.
"So your name is Pauli? Nice name. I'm Maya."
Pauli offers his hand. "Nice to meet you, Maya."
The moment they shake hands I swear, I see some sparks. "Ha! See? Sparks!" I shout at Sean. He just rolls his eyes.
"Beautiful name matching a beautiful girl," Pauli says and blushes immediately afterwards. "Oh my god, did I really say this cheesy phrase out loud?" He thinks.
But Maya doesn't seem to mind. She giggles.
"You know, maybe we could meet for a coffee or something tonight?" Pauli asks, followed by a surprised thought. "Man, where did that come from?"
Maya still giggles but nods as a response.
"How about we meet at eight at the pub next door?"
Maya manages to stop giggling. "Good, so I can go there straight after work."
"Well, then, see you at eight," Pauli says and smiles at her.
"Ok, see you later."
"Alright."
"Ok."
"Goddammit, guys, you gotta let your hands go and leave to see each other again later!" Sean shouts at them annoyed.
"Did Cupid turn them into some lovesick freaks or something?" I want to see them happy, no doubt about that, but this is really a little bit over the top!
Finally Pauli says bye and leaves the store. Thank gosh, they were acting so sweet, it almost made my teeth ache.
We follow Pauli home and watch him changing shirts for about two hours. Then he goes back to the pub. He walks through the entrance and checks the room for Maya. She's not there yet. Suddenly he stops and stares into a corner. Aki and Lauri are sitting at a table, a few empty wine bottles are decorating the table. They wave at Pauli who tries to pretend like he hasn't seen them.
"Hey, Pauli! Huuuhuuu! Over here!" Aki shouts across the room and jumps up and down.
"Damn," Pauli mumbles but walks towards them. "Hey, guys, what are you doing here? I thought you were going out with your Valentine's Day dates or something."
Aki pats on an empty chair next to him. "Come here, old friend. Sit with us! Who needs girls if we have us?" He pours the rest of the wine bottle into his glass and waves at the waiter to order a new one.
Pauli looks at Lauri questioning. "How much wine have you had already?"
Lauri burbs. "Sxuse me. Dunno. Few bottles."
"What happened to your dates?"
"I've been dumped!" Aki whines.
Lauri sighed. "Nah, she's just sick. But when Aki told me about it, I thought, hey, who needs girls if you have friends. So I cancelled my date and Aki and I are now celebrating our freedom!"
"Aha, ok," Pauli mumbles confused.
"Come on, join us! The more, the merrier!" Aki shouts happily. Then he starts to sing. "Wee don't neeeed giiiiirls, weeeee don't neeeed giiiirls!" Lauri joins him.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything!" A voice from behind Pauli laughs.
Aki stops singing. "The island queen!" He gasps.
Pauli stares at him shocked. "Shut up!" He hisses despaired. Then he turns around and smiles at Maya.
"Hi! No, I was just waiting for you when I met some of my friends. Maya, that are Aki and Lauri and usually they are sober and friendly people," he introduces them. Pauli gets up. "I think we should go somewhere else."
"No, that's ok with me, we don't have to go if you wanna sit with your friends."
Pauli shakes his head hectically. "No! I think it would be nicer if we go somewhere more quiet. Maybe a place without singing people?"
Maya laughs. "Alright, lets go somewhere else. Oh, before I forget it, you didn't take the book with you!" She pulls the book out of her bag and hands it to Pauli.
"Cool, thanks!" Pauli turns towards Aki and gives him the book. "Here, that's for you!"
Aki skips a few pages, then he looks disappointed at Pauli. "No pictures?"
"Yeah, I thought it was time to introduce you to the world of real books. Don't worry, you gonna like it, there's lots of sex in it." He winks at Aki.
But Aki still frowns. "As I already said, no pictures?"
Pauli nods. "Yeah, and also no centerfold, sorry. Just read it, buddy. And now, please excuse me, my date is waiting for me." He grins and turns towards Maya. "Lets go."
Leaving Sean with Aki and Lauri, I follow Pauli and Maya. They go to another bar and sit down at a table in the back. Thank gosh, they are behaving normal right now, they are drinking wine and talk to each other. It's obvious that they enjoy themselves and that there's going on between them. You can tell from the way they look at each other or accidentally touch each other's hands. Cute. Somehow I feel like I'm not needed here anymore. I'm sure they can handle this by themselves. Guess it's time for me to go home.
I shout for my blue door and go back to heaven. Kurt is having dinner at the cafeteria. He waves at me when I walk by.
"Hey, what are you doing tonight?"
I shrug my shoulders. "Don't know yet."
"There's a Valentine's party tonight, wanna go?"
"Sure."
He smiles. "Good. I'm gonna pick you up in half an hour. You gotta wear something red!"
He walks away. Wear something red? Ok, if I can find out how to change clothes...
When Kurt knocks at my door I'm still wearing my jeans and black top.
"Before you ask, I checked the whole Rules of Heaven and I'm either blind or it doesn't say anything about how to change clothes!" I tell him.
Kurt, who's wearing a red t-shirt and black pants, scratches his head. "Well, there's nothing about it in the book cause actually the clothes automatically change with your mood."
"What?"
"The clothes always match your feelings and the occasion," he explains.
"Aha. So what am I supposed to do? Feel red?"
Kurt laughs. "Maybe just think about how you wanna look like tonight or something. I don't know, I've been in heaven far to long, I don't really remember how I did it in the beginning."
Ok, thanks, great help. What do I wanna look like tonight? As it's a party, maybe a dress or something. A red one cause that's what they told me.
I hear Kurt whistle behind me and look down my body. Oh, ok, maybe not that short! Good, better. I'm wearing a nice, simple short red dress now. "Alright, lets go!"
"What was wrong with the first length?" Kurt asks disappointed.
I laugh. "You know, I prefer being able to sit down with everyone seeing my underwear!"
"To bad," Kurt mutters and grins. "Give me your hand, I'll beam us there."
With the blink of an eye we're at a large room, decorated with red and white balloons, garlands and flowers. I kinda feel like at a cheesy prom night or something. "Are they gonna announce prom queen and king tonight?" I ask laughing.
"Don't worry, they've smuggled enough liquor into the punch. Come on, lets walk around and see who else is here."
Kurt pulls me with him, we're still holding hands. And actually it doesn't feel weird at all.



23
Valentine’s Day seems to have a certain influence on me. Kurt has been really flirty and affectionate during the last hours and it didn’t bother me at all. On the contrary, I start liking it. We’ve been dancing most of the time and I’ve even caught myself getting lost in his eyes for a moment. Wonder if they mixed something into the punch. Apart from the rum. Some valentiny secret ingredients. Somehow I get the feeling that it’s not only the liquor that makes me feel all warm and comfortable…
“Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone out there,” a voice interrupts the music, “it’s two minutes before midnight, so hurry up, grab the person you wanna celebrate with and get yourself a glass of champagne!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask Kurt.
He takes two glasses of Champagne from a guy that walks by with a tray and hands me one. “That’s a tradition in heaven. At every official party they pretend like it’s New Year’s Eve at midnight. You know, Champagne, fireworks and all that stuff.”
“I don’t have to understand that, right?”
Kurt chuckles. “Nah, God came up with that one day, guess she thinks it’s funny.”
“Aha. As long as I don’t have to wear a paper hat it’s fine with me.”
“Get ready!” The voice shouts through the speaker boxes. “Ten, nine, eight,…”
The people around us start to count backwards. They look all excited, like it’s really the last day of the year. I just feel kinda stupid but oh well, I already had enough punch to justify weird behaviour, so I join them.
“Three, two, one!” I raise my glass towards Kurt and grin. “Happy new… day, I guess I’d say?”
He softly hits his glass against mine and smiles. “Happy new day to you, too!”
Suddenly the room’s ceiling has disappeared, fireworks light up the sky. They are red and pink and leave little hearts burning above us. I can’t help but laugh.
“Ok, now that officially is the cheesiest firework I’ve ever seen!”
We both watch the sky. I feel Kurt laying his arm around my shoulder and pulling me closer. Hm, nice…
“Rita,” he says softly.
“What?”
“We forgot something.”
We forgot something? Did I leave the iron on? Did I lock Sean in a drawer and forgot to let him out? Did I forget to by toilet paper? Senseless things like this rush through my head for a second. I look at Kurt, waiting for an answer.
“The Kiss!”
Kiss? I turn my head and see everyone kissing. Now I get why God came up with that idea. Just another opportunity to play matchmaker!
“That’s the tradition! We have to kiss at twelve at New Year’s Eve!” He smiles apologizing. Though I doubt that he’s only wants to do it cause of the tradition. And I won’t be the one complaining… but I can’t resist to pretend like I don’t care.
Trying not to laugh I roll my eyes and shrug my shoulders. “Well then, if we have to. Lets get it done!”
I close my eyes and lift my head a bit. Seems like Kurt is hesitating. “What are you waiting for?”
Then I feel his lips gently touching mine. They are soft and warm and only after a second they are gone again. I open my eyes. Kurt looks at me insecurely. I move my head closer to his, smiling, slowly stroking some hair out of his face. “Why did you stop?” I whisper.
“I thought… you… didn’t…” he stutters but stops when I chuckle silently and wink at him. He grins. “Damn you! You’re sure you’re an angel and not a little devil in disguise?”
I nod. “Yeah, cause all good kissers go to heaven.”
He laughs. “Guess I have to check if you’re really allowed to be here then!”
“Who are you? Heaven’s kissing inspector? I wanna see an ID first!” I reply. Our faces are so close, our lips are almost touching. Kurt runs his fingers through my hear.
“I don’t need no ID,” he mutters and finally kisses me again. Gently at first but getting more demanding quickly. I wrap my arms around his waist while I feel his hands caressing my back. They wander down slowly until they reach my butt.
Kurt stops kissing me and grins. “Is your dress getting shorter?”
“What?” I look down and yes, guess my dress keeps changing with my mood. I don’t care, I wanna go on with what we’ve just started.
“Maybe we should take a little break,” Kurt suggests.
Are you kidding me? Now? I shake my head. “I don’t care if my skirt’s a bit short.”
“You would be surprised how fast your clothes can change if you’re not really able to control it yet. We don’t want to have you standing here in your underwear, do we?” Kurt laughs. “At least not with all these people around,” he adds quickly.
I sigh. He might have a point there.
“Come on, let’s sit down in that corner, I’ll get us another drink.”
He leaves. I sit down on a red sofa. Wow, I just kissed Kurt. Though we’ve only met like two weeks ago, he’s become a good friend for me pretty fast and now I think I’m starting to feel more than just friendship. Is that weird? After all I’m dead. But I’m in heaven and what could be a better heaven-thing than this one, kissing your teenagehood crush and idol? I see Kurt walking towards me, carrying two glasses of punch. And suddenly I feel like getting hit by a stroke. I just kissed Kurt Cobain! Holy fucking shit!
I must have been looking quite shocked cause Kurt sits down, hands me the drink and insecurely asks me if something is wrong.
“You’re Mickey Mouse!” These words just burst out of my mouth.
Kurt stares at me. “What?” He takes the glass out of my hand again. “Maybe you shouldn’t have another one.”
“No, it’s just that…” How am I gonna explain that now? “When I was five I had Mickey Mouse all over my room. I loved him, I was his biggest fan and I was sure that I’m gonna marry him one day. When I grew older there was only one other guy I adored as much as I adored Mickey when I was a kid. And that was you. I had your posters all over my walls and I dreamt of meeting you one day and stuff like that. But then you died. I cried for weeks. It was a really severe case of a teenage star crush. You’ve been my teen idol and all. And now we’re here! We kissed! This is so surreal and bizarre. Guess it couldn’t have been any weirder if I just kissed Mickey!”
Kurt puts the punch glasses aside and takes my hands. “Rita, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Should I start being jealous of Mickey Mouse?” He grins at me.
I sigh. “No, that was just a poor attempt of making a comparison but it didn’t really came out the way I wanted it to be. I’m kinda confused right now.”
“Why?”
“You know I really like you a lot. You’ve become a good friend and important person in my life during the last weeks.”
“Oh, oh, that sounds like there’s gonna be one of these mean ‘but’s following,” Kurt sighs.
I smile at him. “No, not really. Maybe a little one. It’s just that when I saw you walking towards me I realized I had just kissed that unreachable person I used to love as a teenie! And I was scared somehow that the feelings I’m having for you are only there cause of who you are… or better, who you were. And I don’t wanna risk that growing friendship between us. I mean, actually we hardly know each other so I just wanna say, I don’t…” Damn, why do I always have problems to say what I’m thinking when it’s really important.
“Rita, we don’t have to rush into things, we can just let this happen slowly! I mean, we have all the time in the world!” He winks.
Right, it’s not like one of us is gonna die soon or something. I smile. That was exactly what I wanted to say. I don’t wanna hurry and do things we’d regret later on. “I’m glad you understand what I was saying!”
Kurt laughs. “Well, actually I didn’t quite understand what you were saying but I guess I understood what you were thinking.” He softly strokes over my hand with his thumb and looks into my eyes. “So, you just said…” he stops and grins shyly, “… that you’re having feelings for me?”
Aww, he’s just so cute when he tries to hide his insecurity. I nod and climb on his lap.
“Yep, there are some… little ones… hiding somewhere… deep down inside…”
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me tighter. “Oh, just some little ones? Will they grow if we feed them?”
“You have to give them red M&Ms and Captain Morgan’s Rum. But they are very shy, they only come out in the break of dawn when they feel safe.”
“Can’t we attract them somehow so they’ll leave their hiding places? What about this?” He places little kisses along my neck. “Or that?” He nibbles on my earlobe.
“Hm, there might me one coming, I’m not sure, I’m afraid you have to try on,” I mumble, enjoying his touches. Suddenly I feel something vibrating under my butt cheek. “Hey, try that again, that might help!”
Kurt sighs and pulls his pager out of his pocket. “Sorry.” He reads the message and sighs again. “Britney again. Guess I gotta prevent another musical disaster.”
I slide off his lap. He gives me a last kiss and gets up. “I’m really sorry. I see you tomorrow.”
I take his hand and hold him back. “Wait. I’m going home now. Why don’t you come to my place later when you’re done with Britney? I mean, don’t get that wrong, I’d just like to be close to you and wake up with you tomorrow.” Not to mention that I’m a spooning-addict.
He smiles at me. “I’d love to,” he says and gives me another kiss. Then he disappears.
I beam myself home. I know I’m not supposed to be tired anymore cause I’m dead but still, I am. I let myself fall into my bed and fall asleep only seconds later.
I have no idea what time it is and I’m only half awake when someone enters my room. He slides under my blanket and wraps his arms around me. It’s to dark to see anything but I know it’s Kurt. It feels like him. I cuddle up against him and hook my fingers into his hand that is softly stroking over my belly before I doze away. I feel his warm body against mine and I love it. He starts planting little kisses on my neck. His hand wanders along my front, leaving a hot trail on my skin. Like through a curtain of sleepiness I feel his touches, it’s kinda unreal but I enjoy it. His hand moves further down, searching its way between my legs. It slips into my panties, carefully caressing my most sensitive spot. Oh my gosh, this guy is really talented! He thrust into me with his fingers and moves them slowly in and out. I put my hand on his to tell him to go on and only a few moments later I feel heat overwhelming my body. I moan satisfied and turn my head back to kiss him. He kisses me, too, then he takes me into his arms. Feeling all comfortable I fall asleep again.
When I wake up the next morning, I’m still lying in Kurt’s arms. I lift his arm to free myself and turn around. He’s still sleeping. A look at my alarm clock tells me that it’s another ten minutes until that horrible choir will kick me out of bed and to work. I softly kiss Kurt on his lips. He slowly opens his eyes and grins at me.
“Morning. I could get used to be woken up like this every morning!”
“And I could get used to fall asleep like last night,” I smile and wink at him.
Kurt is surprised. “Really, falling asleep alone? You can have that every night anyways, you know?”
Now I am surprised. “No, I mean falling asleep with you spooning me and well, that little extra touch.”
“You were sleeping deeply when I came to your room. I tried to wake you up but you didn’t even move. So I just cuddled up next to you and fell asleep as well. What extra touch?”
And now I’m really surprised. He didn’t do anything? Guess I was dreaming then. I mean it felt kinda unreal but also far too good. I can still feel his hands on my body. Weird. “Never mind. How did things go with Britney?”
Kurt rolls his eyes. “Don’t ask! I so wish I could just make her quit making any kind of music!”
“Oh, poor baby,” I mutter and kiss him.
He sighs. “Can’t we stay here all day long? I don’t wanna get up.”
“Wait till the alarm clock goes off. That choir from hell makes you wanna go to work immediately!”
“You can change the alarm, you know?” Kurt tells me.
Damn. Why do I always find out about things really late. “Guess that’s somewhere in the Rules of Heaven, too,” I mumble annoyed.
Kurt laughs. “No, you just have to take a look at the back of the clock.” He picks it up and turns it around. “See? Here you can choose. Choir, bells, birds. And you can also turn the volume up and down.”
Oh well, gonna change it tomorrow. It’s time to get up now anyway.
After breakfast I beam myself to Pauli. He’s still sleeping with a big smile on his face. On the bedside table lies a small piece of paper. It’s Maya’s phone number. Woohoo! Seems like I wasn’t the only one with a successful night.
Suddenly the door bell rings. And again and again. Sounds like someone is leaving the finger on the button. Pauli crawls out of his bed and slowly walks towards the door, mumbling all kind of swear words. He opens up.
“What?” He shouts out annoyed.
Aki is standing outside. He’s still wearing the same clothes as last night. Guess his party went on longer than mine.
“Pauli,” he gasps.
“What the fuck are you doing here this early? And man, you smell like you slept in a beer keg!”
Aki is still breathing heavily, like he had been running or something. And besides that he’s still drunk, having problems to stand straight.
“Pauli! We’ve been at O’Reilleys… drinking... and then Lauri... and then Ville... fighting… and more drinking… and then fighting again… I passed out… and now Lauri… been looking for him…”
“Aki!” Pauli interrupts him and pulls him into his apartment. “Calm the fuck down! Actually it would be a lot easier to understand you if you used full sentences! You’ve been drinking and you and Lauri had a fight with Ville. So, where’s the news?”
Aki lets himself sink on a chair. Then he takes deep breath and looks at Pauli with huge eyes. “It’s Lauri! I’ve been searching for him everywhere but… he has disappeared!”




24
Pauli rolls his eyes and climbs back into his bed.
"Didn't you hear what I just said?" Aki asks impatiently.
Pauli pulls the blanket over his head.
"Pauli! I'm serious, man! He's disappeared! What if something terrible has happened to him?" Aki jumps up and walks over to the bed.
"And what would that be?" I hear Pauli's subdued voice from underneath the blanket. "He's probably just together with a girl, having the time of his life!"
"No! I looked for him everywhere! I checked all his special places he takes the girls to, but nothing!"
"Ever thought about Lauri going to the girl's place?"
"Pauli, you should know that he never goes with the girls!" Aki looks at the pile of pillows and blankets he's talking to. "And actually, you know... he was as drunk as me and well... I don't think he's been able to do anything with a girl anymore.... if you know what I'm talking about."
"Then he's probably been passing out somewhere else! Did you check that water fountain? Damn, Aki, it's not like this hasn't happened ever before! Why don't you just go home and get some sleep?"
"Pauli! You're not taking me serious!" Aki pulls on the blanket with full force. Pauli tries to hold on to it. They pull each other back and forth. "What if Ville has done something really bad to him? And now let this stupid blanket go!" Aki shouts annoyed.
"Ok," Pauli grins and Aki and the blanket fall off the bed. He laughs about Aki who's rubbing his head and pushing his glasses back on his nose.
"That's not funny!" Aki hisses angrily. "I just know that something bad has happened!"
Pauli sighs. "Alright, give me ten minutes."
He gets up and disappears into the bathroom. Aki sits down on the bed, tapping impatiently with his foot on the floor.
"Pssssst!"
Now what was that?
"Psssssst! Rita!"
Aki's jacket is talking to me! And it knows my name...
"Rita! It's me!"
"Sean? What are you doing in Aki's jacket? Get out!"
Suddenly Aki jumps up. "I might be drunk but I'm not drunk enough to hear strange voices! So who ever this is, stop kidding around!" He looks around the room.
"Sean! What have you done? Why can he hear you?"
"Rita, I'm really sorry but..."
"Don't call me Rita!" Aki shouts insecurely.
"Did you say something?" Pauli yells through the bathroom door. "I need five more minutes!"
Sean climbs out of Aki's pocket and swirls through the air.
"Iiiihhh! Huge bug!" Aki shrieks and tries to hit Sean.
"Ey! Easy, mate!" Sean tries to dodge Aki's hands. "I'm not a bug!"
Aki stumbles backwards and falls on the bed. He stares at the fairy and stutters. "A... a... talking... bug!"
"Yeah, whatever," Sean mumbles and flies closer to Aki's face. "Sorry, I know this is kinda nasty but I don't have another choice!" He takes deep breath and spits right into Aki's face.
"What... why..." Aki mutters and falls asleep.
"Damn, Sean, what the fuck are you doing?" I yell at Sean angrily.
"Don't you know that fairy spit narcotizes?" Sean asks surprised.
"That's not what I'm talking about! How come he can see and hear you? Why were you in his jacket? Let me take a raw guess, you have something to do with Lauri's disappearance! I just hope he's not trapped in a troll cave or something!"
"Hey, I don't mix our world with their world!" Sean complains.
"Oh, really, Mr. Spit-in-Aki's-face?"
Sean blushes. "I just had to do this. He will wake up and think that all this was just a dream." He flies to the bathroom door and listens. "He's brushing his teeth."
"So?"
"So what? Oh, so what happened last night, Sean? Alright I'm gonna tell you but you gotta promise not to be angry!"
"In case you haven't noticed, I already am angry!"
"Ok, then promise me you won't hurt me!"
"Hurt like in ripping your wings off?"
Sean flies back into Aki's jacket and peeks out. "You're not meaning this, are you?"
I sigh. "No. And now hurry up, tell me what happened. Guess Pauli will be back soon and you have to hide again."
"Alright." He takes deep breath. "Last night I stayed at the pub. You know, Valentine's Day is quite lonely if you're the only fairy around. Anyway, I watched Lauri and Aki getting drunk."
I knit my eyebrows.
"Ok, I didn't just watch, I drank with them. It was funny, well as far as you can call sitting next to people who are having fun but can't see you fun. These guys were really wasted and then that other guy, Ville and some of his friends showed up. They started a fight and then.... well, I don't remember to many details, that part of the night is quite blurry... in the end there were only Ville and Lauri left, everyone else was either gone or passed out. They were arguing about anything. You know, I was so bored and it's really a bad feeling if nobody can see you, I felt so lonely, I wanted to have some fun, too," he starts whining. "I so wish I could go back to Ireland to see my friends and family for a while."
"Sean, cut it short, Pauli is coming back soon."
"They were sooooo drunk so I thought if they see me they will have forgotten about it the other day anyway. I used some fairy dust but I'm afraid I used the wrong dose cause I'm still visible. Actually I should have been invisible again a few hours ago."
"Are you telling me that just cause you were bored and drunk you showed yourself to some human beings? Isn't this illegal or something?"
Sean laughs. "So what? What do they want to do with me? Expel me from my home country? Ha!"
"Your right but... but... if you're doing illegal stuff could you please do it with people who are not my clients?"
"Sorry," Sean mumbles ashamed. "I got you into trouble again, right?"
I shrug my shoulders "Not yet, I guess. Depends on where Lauri is."
Sean blushes. Oh great.
"Sean, where is he?"
"Well... he... and Ville... they are... they went... to... to the military." Sean ducks down into the pocket.
"They did what?" I yell at him shocked. "They joined the army? Sean! Why?"
"They were arguing about being real men and stuff like that. So I told them about Ireland and my fellow fairies and that real men to us are fighters, soldiers, warriors, you know? I meant it more in a comparing way but somehow they misunderstood it. And all of a sudden they were like provoking each other. 'If you're man enough you're gonna join the army!' and stuff like that. I kinda tried to hold them back but they didn't listen to me!"
I let myself sink on the bed next to Aki. "Oh, please, tell me you're kidding!"
"I'm afraid I'm not," Sean's voice comes out of the jacket.
"Guess, we gotta go there and take them back home," I sigh. "Damn, I hate that Ville guy!"
Sean climbs out of the pocket and flies on my shoulder. "I think he's cool. He called me rock 'n roll fairy!" He tells me proudly.
"So, where's that military base?"
"I don't really remember how to get there, can't you beam us?"
"I can't beam us anywhere if I don't know what the place looks like!"
"And if you beam us to Lauri? Like concentrate on Lauri and we will end up where he is?" Sean suggests.
I shrug my shoulders. "I can try."
I focus on Lauri for a while then I shout out his name. And really, it works!
Ville and Lauri are sitting on two chairs in a long hallway. They are both asleep. Seems like they are waiting for someone. I read the sign at the door next to them.
"Recruitment office. Open 9 a.m. till 4 p.m. Sean what time is it?"
"Quarter to nine! Oh, thanks gosh, they haven't joined yet!"
"Alright, wake up Ville and tell him that this army thing is a stupid idea and that they should go home!"
"Why Ville and not Lauri?"
"I don't know, I just think that Ville is weird enough to not be surprised too much to see a fairy."
Sean flies to Ville and pokes him a few times. He opens his eyes and grins.
"Look who's here, rock 'n roll fairy! What's up, buddy?"
"Hey, Ville! Listen, dude, this is the stupidest thing you could ever do! Go home! The army sucks!"
Ville just looks at him for a while then he gets up. "Ok, let's go."
Wow, that was easy.
"Wanna come with me and have a breakfast beer?" Ville asks.
Sean grins and sits down on his shoulder. "Sure."
"Sean! What about Lauri?" I remind him. "Don't leave him here."
"Hey, wake up little Lauri," Sean tells Ville.
"Why?" he asks surprised.
"Cause your manager's gonna kill you if he finds out you left him here!"
Ville sighs and kicks Lauri's feet. "Yo, Ylönen, time to go home!"
Lauri opens his eyes and yawns. He looks around quite confused. "Ville? What? Where are we?"
Ville laughs. "I'm about to save your ass! Or do you still want to sign up for the army?"
Lauri jumps up shocked. "Army? What? Never! How did I get here? Damn, I can't remember anything!" He rubs his eyes.
Ville grins. "Lucky you that I came around to get you out of here."
Lauri looks at him. "Why do I have the impression that it's not just a coincidence that you're here?"
"Whatever. Let's go. Wanna drink a breakfast beer with me and Sean?"
"Who's Sean?" Lauri asks surprised.
Ville points at his shoulder and at Sean. "Rock 'n roll fairy, remember?"
Lauri snickers. "Yes, sure!"
Ville turns his head and looks at Sean. "Where are you?"
Sean gets up and flies on my shoulder. "Seems like the fairy dust has lost its power."
"Sean?" Ville shouts and turns around.
Lauri laughs out loud. "Gosh, Ville, you really should drink less! Seeing fairies doesn't sound too healthy to me!"
"But we both talked to him last night, don't you remember? That little dude with red hair? Leather jacket and wings?"
Lauri just turns away and walks towards the exit. "Rock 'n roll fairies," he chuckles and leaves the building.
"But... I.... Sean..." Ville mutters confused. Then he starts running and shouts.. "Ylönen, wait for me!"
"Oh, too bad," Sean sighs, "I had the impression that this could have been the beginning of a great friendship!"
"Actually I'm quite happy that you and Ville can't spend more time with each other! Who knows what would happen next? By the way, there's still one thing I'm wondering about."
"And what would that be?"
"If fairy spit narcotizes how do you kiss your girls? Or is that the secret of your love life? Spitting your victims unconsciousness first?"
"Haha, very funny," Sean complains. "Fairy spit doesn't work on fairies! But watch out, it might work on angels!"


25
We leave the building. The weather is great, only a mild wind is blowing and the sun is shining. Really nice, considering it's only February.
"Let's walk a bit and enjoy the sun," I suggest.
Sean lands on my shoulder and puts on tiny sunglasses. "You walk, I enjoy the sun."
He stretches his arms. "So, how did Pauli's date go?"
"I don't know but I guess it went well, considering Maya's phone number was lying on Pauli's bedside table."
"Did she leave it there after she got out of his bed?"
"I didn't have any time to find out yet cause someone I know told Lauri to join the army so I had to take care of that first!"
Sean gets up, pushes his face against mine and tries to hug my cheek with his little arms. "I'm sooooo sorry! Please, I was just drunk and bored and lonely, I didn't do all this on purpose!"
"It's alright, Sean, don't worry. At least nothing really bad has happened. Maybe Ville thinks he's a bit insane but I can live with that!"
Sean grins. "Why don't you like him? I think he's cool!"
"You just think he's cool cause he called you rock 'n roll. I don't know. He's making fun of my Rasmusses. And if they don't like him, I don't like him, too."
"I still like him. At least I didn't have to spend Valentine's Day all alone. How was your night, by the way? Did you get something from Kurt?"
"What? Why should he give something to me?"
Sean sighs. "I'm neither blind nor stupid. Do you really think I didn't realize how much he likes you?"
"Well, let's put it that way, we've been to a party together and we had a great night."
"Aha, a great night." Sean grins. "How great exactly?"
"I'm not gonna tell you any details, forget it, Sean!"
He frowns. "You could at least share your life with me as long as I don't have my own life! It really sucks to be the only fairy around."
"Do you miss your friends and family that much?"
"Of course I do! Don't you?"
That's weird. I haven't thought about my family since I died. And though Sean has mentioned it right now I still don't miss them or anything like that. "No, not really. Actually I haven't thought about that at all."
"Wow, I didn't expect you to be such a heartless person!"
"Hey, I am not heartless! I just didn't have any time to think about it yet! But thanks, now that you started it, I'm really kind of worrying if my mom is alright."
"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I was just surprised! Aren't dead people supposed to sit on a cloud and watch their beloved ones from above?"
"I don't know. I've only died once and since then I didn't have any time to do something else except for my job."
"And going out with Kurt!"
"Right, and that. Maybe I'll ask God tonight if I can visit my mom or something."
Damn, now that I'm thinking about it I'm really worrying about my mother. I hope she's alright.
Someone whistles.
"You know that guy?" Sean asks surprised.
I look at the other side of the street. He's sitting on a wall with tangling legs, a cigarette stuck in the corner of his lips. Though he's wearing sunglasses I can feel his piercing glance. Satan.
"Damn. Let's just walk on and ignore him," I mumble and go on.
"Who's that? And why can he see us?" Sean wonders.
"He's no one." I start walking quicker. Maybe I should just beam us away.
Satan jumps of the wall and follows. Only few moments later he's caught up with us.
"Morning, angel," he says with his deep voice that immediately makes me shiver.
I don't answer. He grabs my arm and makes me stop.
"Hey, no need to be impolite!" He grins.
"But no need to be polite, too, right?" I reply. "What do you want?"
He laughs. "Just wanna say hi."
"Who's that jerk? Want me to get rid of him?" Sean asks and stands up.
"No, he's leaving now anyway."
Satan just grins.
"Alright, then stay, but I'm leaving. Let my arm go," I tell him angrily.
Satan still doesn't move.
"Ey, hands of my friend!" Sean shouts at him and swirls up and down in front of his face.
Satan just raises one hand slowly and hits Sean out of his way. Sean falls to the ground but gets up again quickly. He straightens his wings.
"Alright I give you two minutes to talk but if you don't leave after that, I'm gonna use other weapons than only my muscles!" He mutters and flies a few feet away.
"Funny little guy," Satan snickers and lets my arm go.
I walk away a few steps, he follows me and takes his sunglasses off.
"You wanted to say hi? Fine, you're done, why don't you leave now?"
"Cause I think you're really an interesting person. Why don't you come to hell with me?"
"Why should I want to go to hell? I got everything I need in heaven."
"Cause I could give you even more. And also think about your family and friends. I know that you've started worrying about your mom and actually I'm sorry to tell you this but you really should worry about her! She's doing really bad since you've died. But I could help her feel better and make her living the life of her dreams."
I stop and stare at him. Is he saying the truth? Or does he just know what Sean and I were talking about before and now he's trying to make me believe these things?
"Shut up! I don't believe a word you're saying. I'm gonna talk to God tonight and if my mom's really not alright, I'm sure God will help her. And now fuck off! I neither want you nor anything you can give to me!"
Suddenly he blocks up my way with his arm and makes me stand with my back towards a wall.
"You didn't complain about what I gave you last night," he says and comes closer.
There it is again, that mysterious power that makes me stare into his eyes and makes me stay though I wanna run away.
"Last night? I have no idea what you're talking about." I try to make my voice sound firm. I have a terrible presentiment.
"You need a little help to remember?" He gives me a cheeky grin. I feel his hand on my belly, slowly wandering lower.
"I've been together with Kurt last night," I mutter weakly.
Satan laughs. "It was dark, honey, you hardly saw me."
"But..."
Suddenly Satan turns into Kurt. What the fuck?! I stare at him shocked.
"See, you should be careful with what you think you see!" He winks and bends forward to kiss me.
He really looks like Kurt, I can't believe this! But something is different, something is wrong. And all of a sudden I know it. I can't see mine or any reflection in his eyes. They are just blank. And they are definitely not Kurt's eyes! I pull all my senses together and push him away from me.
"You're such an incredibly fucking asshole! Go back to hell where you belong to!"
Satan laughs dryly and turns back into his usual appearance. "You know that you want me and all that I can offer you!"
"Sean, come over here!" I shout out loud.
He rushes over and sits down on my shoulder. "Need help?"
"Fairy, piss off!" Satan hisses and touches my cheek.
"Sean, spit at him!"
"With pleasure," he replies and spits right into Satan's face.
For a second Satan freezes. Then he slowly wipes off the spit and looks at Sean.
Damn, seems like fairy spit doesn't work on devils either.
Satan raises his hand and moves his index finger in a circle. Sean disappears.
"What have you done to Sean?" I shout at him shocked.
He just smiles at me. "Sooner or later I get everything I want. You'll see." Then he vanishes into thin air.
"You could have told me who he is before you make me spit at him," I hear Sean's voice.
"Sean, where are you?"
"Down here!"
I look to the ground and startle. The only thing I see is a hamster that is crawling towards my feet.
"Don't stare at me like this! Do I look that creepy?"
I pick the hamster up and place him on my palm. "No, actually you're quite cute. Just very... hairy."
"Hairy? Why?" The little animal wipes over his nose with his front feet and squeaks panicking. "What am I? A rat?"
"Don't worry, you're a hamster. I'm really sorry, I didn't know he can do things like that."
"He's Satan! He can do anything! What the fuck have you done that he's acting like this?"
I shrug my shoulders. "I have no idea. I think it has something to do with Kurt. He doesn't want to take Satan's offer to move to hell and maybe now he wants to annoy Kurt with annoying me or something like that. Hey, are you a normal hamster now or an invisible fairy hamster?"
"Do I have wings?"
"Nope."
"Then I'm a normal hamster."
"Guess we should go, I'm afraid people would be surprised to see a floating hamster as my hand is still invisible."
"Alright, then beam us somewhere else."
"Pauli!" I yell. Lets see if I can still beam myself to people instead of places.
We are in the rehearsal room, Eero and Pauli are laughing about Aki and Lauri. I carefully put Sean on the floor.
"Alright, now that you have laughed about us long enough, let's change the topic. Pauli how was your night with island queen?"
Pauli smiles shyly. "We went to a bar, had some red wine and talked."
"And?"
"It was very nice. I think I like her a lot."
"But what did you do after you left the bar?" Aki asks and wiggles his eyebrows.
"I went home."
"Alone?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Yes!" Pauli sighs. "Aki, stop it! We just had a great conversation. And even if something more had happened, I wouldn't tell you any details!"
"Alright, alright, calm down, dude! Did she at least give you her number?"
"Yes." Pauli nods.
A huge smile spreads over Aki's face. "Good! By the way, how did you find her?"
Pauli looks at Eero. He just smiles and winks inconspicuously.
"Just by chance. She works at the shop next to O'Reilley's and when I walked by I saw her."
"Really? You mean all the other book stores we went to.... Iiiiiiiiiih!" Aki suddenly jumps on the sofa and points into a corner. "A mouse!"
Lauri quickly pulls his feet off the ground. "What? Where? Eew, I hate mice!"
Eero kneels down and looks for Sean. "Hey, little mouse, come here!"
Sean crawls towards him. Eero grins.
"Calm down, girls, it's just a hamster! Oh, and look, he's all tame! Hey, cutie!"
He puts his hand on the floor and waits till Sean has climbed on it.
Now the guys are all bending over Sean, petting him.
"How come you guys hate mice but like hamsters?" Pauli wonders and looks at Aki and Lauri.
"I hate these long tails... they are just... eeew!" Aki shivers.
Lauri nods. "Yeah. But this one is cute. Just look at his tiny little stubby tail!"
"Yo, dude! There is no tiny little stubby tail when you're talking about any of my body parts!" Sean complains angrily. "And stop poking my head!"
"Aww, sweet, he's talking in hamster language to us! What are you saying, Fluffy? Can we call him Fluffy? Can we keep him?" Lauri asks all excited.
Seems like what sounds like Sean to me just sounds like squeaking to them.
"Yeah, he can be our band mascot!" Aki suggests.
"Wow, now that's rock 'n roll," Pauli sighs, "Fluffy, the hamster, The Rasmus' band mascot." He strokes over Sean's head.
"Stop touching me, goddamit!" Sean hisses annoyed.
"Hey, he peed on my hand! Here, you hold him!" Eero passes Sean to Lauri.
Lauri lifts him up to his face and smiles. "Bad boy! You're not gonna pee on me, right, buddy?"
"If there was anything left in my bladder, I certainly would!" Sean answers happily.
"I could swear he just winked at me," Lauri mutters surprised. "Come on, lets see what we can use as a cage!"
"Rita, quick, do something before they lock me into a dark box!" Sean shouts at me.
I gotta find out how to turn him back into a fairy. After all it's kinda my fault that this has happened. Maybe Kurt knows what to do.
"Ok, I'll be back soon. See ya later. And don't pee on more people!"


26
I send Kurt a message. "Where are you?"
A few moments later he replies. "God's office. What's up?"
Damn. My plan was to talk to Kurt and to find out how to help Sean without asking God. I'm not really sure if she's too happy to know that I'm still hanging out with the fairy who got me into trouble in the first place.
I beam myself to heaven and knock on God's door.
"Come in!"
Kurt and God are playing video games again. God pushes the pause button and waves. "Morning!"
"Hi." I look from God to Kurt. How am I gonna say this now?
"Shouldn't you be at work right now?" God asks curiously.
"How come I have to work and Kurt doesn't? Shouldn't you be saving the world from Britney Spear's musical attacks?" I wink at him.
He smiles. "Britney is sleeping at the moment. Don't think she can do any harm that way. So, what's up?"
"Can I talk to you for a second?" I ask him.
"Sure." He looks at me, waiting for me to say anything.
I clear my throat and look at God. "Erhm, would you mind..."
She grins. "Oh, it's something private? I wanted to go to the cafeteria to get a bagel anyway. Take your time!"
God gets up and leaves the room.
"Hey, what did you tell her?"
Kurt pulls me down on the sofa. "Nothing." Then he kisses me and smiles. "Hi."
I kiss him back. Hm, maybe I should skip work and just stay here? But Sean is waiting... I sigh.
"So, what's up?"
"If someone transforms someone else into something else, how can I undo that?"
"Maybe you could tell me this even more vague so I don't understand anything at all?"
"Imagine, someone has been transformed into an animal for example, how..."
"Oh, please don't tell me your client has been changed into an animal! How the hell did you make that happen?" Kurt is shocked.
"Hey, why do you think it was my fault? I'm not that bad as an angel!" Seems like no one has heard about my improvement as an GA yet. "It wasn't me and it's none of my clients but... maybe we could talk about that 'how the hell'-part again?" I grin at him insecurely.
"What? How the hell?" Kurt stops and stares at me. "You mean... Satan..."
I nod.
"But if none of your clients..."
"Do you remember Sean, the fairy? Satan has turned him into a hamster."
Kurt laughs. "Now what has he done to make Satan do this? He really is a little trouble maker, is he? Actually I find this quite funny."
He grins but stops as he realizes I'm not laughing with him. "What?"
"Sean wanted to protect me! He is a great little guy, so don't make fun of him!"
Kurt looks remorseful. "Sorry, I didn't want to... hey, what did you just say? Protect you from Satan?" He jumps up angrily. "What did that asshole do to you?"
I take his hand and pull him back on the couch. "Calm down, it wasn't that bad."
I can't tell him the truth. I don't want Kurt to go all mad and threaten Satan or something. I'm sure if there was a fight between Satan and Kurt, Satan's gonna win. And actually, dating a hamster has never been a big dream of me.
"He wants me to come to hell and then he said that my mom is doing really bad and that he'll make her life better if I went with him."
"That's all?"
Apart from pretending to be Kurt and the orgasm he gave me last night? "Yep. I told him to fuck off. Sean wanted to help me and spat at him. Satan transformed him into a hamster and left."
Kurt pulls me on his lap and kisses me. "I'm really proud of you. I know how... hm, let's call it persuasive Satan can be. It's not easy to resist him."
"Mhm." Though I guess Satan had different ways to persuade me than he used on Kurt. Or maybe he didn't? Pictures of Satan and Kurt making out run through my head... wait, shouldn't that shock me? All I can think of right now is joining them...
"Rita? What are you thinking of? Considering that huge smile on your lips it must be something good!"
I blush. I totally forgot about the mind reading!
"Did you just read my mind?" I ask carefully.
Kurt shakes his head. "No, I thought about it and I think it's not fair if you can't read mine. So I won't read yours anymore."
"Aw, that's sweet. Though as long as you do it to find out what kind of presents you can buy for me, I don't mind."
He grins. "Too bad that I promised myself not to do it again. Guess you gotta join the group of women who always get the wrong gifts from their boyfriends."
"Oh, so I have a boyfriend?"
As an answer he kisses me again. Hm, nice, actually just Kurt and no Satan isn't that bad at all...
Someone coughs behind us.
"Skipping work to make out on your boss's sofa isn't very smart, you know?"
We turn around, God grins at us.
Damn, I didn't have a chance to ask Kurt what to do with Sean. I look at him.
"We would have to have to ask her anyway," he says.
"Ask what?" God wants to know.
I tell her what has happened. God is really angry about Satan.
"What a fucking asshole!" She yells. "I'm so gonna kick his ass! Who does he think he is?"
"So is there anything we can do for Sean?"
God sighs. "I'm sorry, but Satan is the only one who can undo his spells. But don't worry, I'm gonna make him change Sean back into a fairy. Though it could take a while. But you can tell him, I'm gonna take care of that."
"Thanks, he's gonna be relieved if he hears about that."
God knits her eyebrows. "I'm really not to happy that you're hanging out with a fairy. He's gotten you into trouble once and I'm pretty sure this won't be the last time. You gotta be careful. Do you know what fairy dust is?"
"Heard about that once or twice," I mutter vaguely.
"Make sure you stay away from that. It's dangerous and absolutely illegal for angels!"
"Don't worry, I would never use it!" At least not on purpose...
"Alright, now that we've cleared things up you should go to work. Kurt, what's up, wanna play on?" She nods at the TV screen.
"Can I ask you something else?"
God looks at me. "Sure."
"How come I haven't missed my family and friends yet?"
"No one who dies misses their old life. Otherwise you all would just hang around sadly, worrying about your friends and watching their lives from above. Heaven would be a pretty boring place, you know? And you all would be too distracted to work as GA's or muses or whatever. Actually you shouldn't be thinking of them at all. Guess it's Satan's fault that you're worrying about your mom now."
"No, it started earlier when I was talking about families with Sean."
God shrugs her shoulders. "Maybe that still has something to do with the computer problems we had when you died. You know what, why don't you come along tonight, I'm gonna make an exception and let you watch your mom for a while, alright?"
"Thanks so much!" I quickly hug her. "Guess I should go back to work now! See ya later!" I turn towards the door.
"Hey, why does she get a hug and I don't?" Kurt complains.
"Cause I'm the boss and your girlfriend should be working right now! Come on, Cobain, take that control pad and get ready to loose!"
"Ha, I'm gonna kick your ass, God!" I hear God shouting while I leave the office.
The guys are at their rehearsal room. They are sitting on the floor discussing something.
"Sean, where are you?"
"Over here! Hurry up, get me out of here!"
I follow his voice through the room and find him sitting in an empty shoe box.
"Sean, where did you get that from?" He's wearing a tiny black leather jacket.
Sean sighs. "Lauri took that out of his backpack. I really wonder why he carries around all that stuff! He also had a little black beanie and this carrot."
Lauri has tiny clothes and a carrot in his backpack? Ok... "Where's the beanie?"
"I ate it," Sean mumbles ashamed.
"Why?"
"Cause since I'm a hamster I'm having a weird craving for all kind of things. I even started to eat a bit of the shoe box."
"There's a carrot twice your size, why don't you eat that?"
"Saving it for later. So, when are you getting me out of here? I'm bored to death! And it's really disgusting. I didn't know hamsters have to pee and shit that often! I'm really trying to pull myself together but I'm leaving behind little black turds every few minutes! Gross! Why don't hamsters get toilets?"
Poor Sean. "Well, I talked to God, she said only Satan can help you but she's gonna make him turning you back into a fairy as soon as possible."
"How soon is as soon as possible?"
I shrug my shoulders.
"Please let this be really soon! Lauri has already said that he's gonna take me home tonight and I don't know, this guy starts scaring me. Oh, no, he's coming!" Sean whispers and hides in a corner.
"Hey Fluffy, who are you talking to? Are you lonely? Are you missing a little hamster lady?" Lauri asks into the box.
"Sure, all I want is a woman that looks like a furball," Sean mutters sarcastically.
"I could buy you a girlfriend later if you want!" Lauri suggests. "Or a boyfriend? I don't even know if you're a boy or a girl!" He picks up Sean and turns him on his back.
Sean struggles and squeaks. "Ey, let me down! Pervert! Rita, help me!"
Lauri grins. "You're a boy, I knew it!" He puts Sean back into the box.
Sean quickly crawls into a corner and shivers. "This... he just... he saw my... Rita, please, don't let him take me home!"
"Calm down, Sean. I don't think he has any... sexual interest in you!"
"Easy for you to say! He didn't look between your legs!"
I laugh. "Hey, he said he's gonna buy you a girlfriend."
"I prefer my women with two instead of four legs!" Then he gasps. "What if he... likes to watch?" Sean shakes his little body. "Eeew, Rita, please!"
"Sorry, buddy, but I don't think there's anything I can do. Now relax, it's not gonna be that bad, I'm sure!"
"You're one talkative little guy, huh?" Lauri says and pets Sean's head. "Alright, stay here, we're going home in ten minutes."
"Stay here? As if I can go somewhere else!" Sean mutters and turns his back towards Lauri.
"Lauri, come over here, we're not finished yet!" Eero shouts over to him.
Lauri sighs and joins the other guys on the floor.
"Finding a new album title has never been that hard before," he complains.
Eero rolls his eyes. "Maybe it would be easier if you start to suggest better titles than 'Rock 'n Roll Hamsters'!"
"What about..."
"No, Pauli, I'm only repeating this one more time, 'Pretty in Pink' is not an option!"
Pauli frowns. "But..."
"You know, this kinda scares me, Pauli. Since when do you have that weird affectation for pink?" Aki wants to know.
"I just like the movie," Pauli mutters ashamed. "But 'One, two, three, four' is not really that much better, Aki!"
"Why not? We are four people so it fits!"
"Five, now that we have Fluffy," Lauri adds.
"This isn't going anywhere. Maybe we should all go home and start over new tomorrow," Eero says and gets up.
"Good idea," Lauri replies, "gotta show Fluffy his new home!"
"Hey, how come that you're taking him home? Why can't I keep him at my place?" Aki asks.
"Cause he's wearing my clothes!"
"Just cause you were the only one who had hamster clothes!"
"And he talks to me!"
"How do you know? You don't speak hamster!"
"And I'm the only one he hasn't peed on!"
"Yet!"
"You're just jealous that he likes me more than he likes you!"
"I didn't have enough time to make him like me yet! So you see, I should be the one who takes him home!"
"Lauri! Aki! Shut up! Why don't you play paper, scissors, stone?" Eero tells them.
"Ok." They shake their hands.
"Ha, scissors cut paper, I won!" Lauri laughs.
Aki frowns. "But I'll get him tomorrow!"
"I so hope no one will ever know what kind of conversations are going on in this room," Pauli mumbles ashamed and gets up, too. "See you all tomorrow."
"Hey, are you gonna call island queen now?" Aki asks and wiggles his eyebrows.
"She's got a name, Aki, she's called Maya! Maybe I'll call her later." Pauli blushes.
"Good luck, dude!"
"Good luck? Why? Do you think I'll need it?" Pauli asks insecurely.
Aki sighs. "No! I just thought I'd be polite. Don't worry. I think last night she looked like she really likes you."
"Well, considering I was the only one who didn't sing 'we don't need girls', that's not a big surprise," Pauli grins. "Alright then, while you are playing with your little hamster tonight, I'm probably having dinner with a beautiful lady. Bye, guys!"
Pauli leaves.
I go over to Sean's box. "Hey Fluffy, hope you're having a great night! Gotta go with Pauli."
"Rita, no, don't leave me alone with him," Sean whines. "I'm sure, Pauli doesn't need your company when he's going out with Maya!"
"Sorry, I'm his GA. Don't worry, Lauri's gonna take good care of you!"
Sean sighs. "And that's exactly what I'm afraid of!"


27
I follow Pauli to his apartment. He takes the piece of paper with Maya's phone number and walks up and down the room.
Come on, what are you waiting for?
Finally he picks up the phone and dials the number. But just after the first ring he hangs up again.
"Calm down, Pauli! There's nothing to it! Millions of people call other people to ask for a date every day! It's nothing special, it's a normal thing!"
He starts talking to himself.
"I'm just gonna ask her if she wants to have dinner with me. That's an easy question, where's the big deal? She seemed to have enjoyed last night so she surely will be glad I'm calling her."
He dials the number again. "She will say yes, she will say yes, she will say yes," he mumbles like he tries to hypnotize the receiver. Suddenly he hangs up again.
"And what if she doesn't say yes? If she doesn't like me at all? But she gave me her number without me asking for it. She wouldn't have done that if she didn't like me, right? Maybe she just gave it to me out of pity? What if she gave me a wrong number to get rid of me? I'm afraid there's only one way to find out."
He dials the number again. This time he hangs up even before the first ring.
"Is it to early to call her? We only met yesterday, do I seem to be too desperate if I call her only one day later? She's gonna think I don't get any other girls... hey, I don't want her to think that I'm interested in other girls so why do I care?"
He gives it a next try. The phone rings once, twice... he hangs up again.
"I can't do that! What if she says no? What if she doesn't want to see me again? What if I never find out cause I don't call her?"
He sighs and stares at the phone. Suddenly it rings. Pauli shrugs together.
"Hello?"
"Hello?"
"Who is this?" Pauli asks insecurely.
"Who is this?"
"You should know who this is cause you dialed this number," Pauli mutters slightly annoyed.
"I just pushed the re-dial button," the voice on the other side of the line replies.
Pauli blushes and inhales sharply. "Maya?"
"Yes."
"Ehrm, hi... this is Pauli."
"Oh, hi! Why did you hang up the other few times?"
"Well, I wanted... to call you... but then... someone was at the door and interrupted me," Pauli stutters.
"Three times?" Maya wonders.
"Yes... Jehova's Witnesses. They wanted to discuss world peace with me."
"Seems like they are the same all over the world. We had them even in Jamestown. So why did you call?"
Now Pauli's face turns white. Come on, ask her! I'm sure she will say yes!
"I was just wondering... do you eat?"
Maya laughs. "Well, yes, a few times every day actually."
"So, do you eat tonight?"
"I guess."
"Me too."
"Aha."
"The thing I wanna say is... ehrm, do you... do you want to have dinner with me tonight?"
Well done, Pauli! I proudly pat his back.
"No, sorry."
Damn! What? Why?
"Oh," Pauli just mumbles into the receiver, trying not to sound too disappointed. "Well, then, was nice talking to you."
"Pauli, wait!" Maya answers. "I'd love to but I can't. It's my uncles birthday and I gotta go to his party tonight."
"Oh," Pauli repeats though it sounds more surprised now.
"Yeah, I'm glad you called cause I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed last night, I had a really great time!"
"Thanks! I had an awesome time as well."
"How about dinner tomorrow night?"
Pauli sighs. "Too bad, I gotta work at the studio tomorrow and it usually goes pretty late."
"At the studio? Oh yeah, right, I remember, you play in that band. I didn't know you're actually really recording records! That's cool."
Seems like Pauli hasn't told her a whole lot about The Rasmus last night.
"It's our sixth album already."
"Wow, hope they sold well."
"Let's say I can live from it," Pauli laughs.
"That's great that you are able to do what you love and actually live from it. Maybe I should come to one of your concerts one day."
"You can come any time," Pauli replies.
"You know what? I'm gonna call you the day after tomorrow, maybe we can do something together next weekend."
"I'd love to!"
"Alright, I gotta go now. Talk to you soon."
"Yeah, bye!"
Pauli hangs up the phone and lets himself fall on his bed. He sighs of relief.
"Now that didn't go too bad," he mumbles and picks up his guitar.
Guess there's not much to do for me at the moment. I already know that when Pauli is at home and starts playing his guitar he's not gonna do anything else for the next couple of hours. I could as well go to Lauri's place and see how Sean's doing.
"Sean!" I shout from the top of my lungs to beam myself away. Damn, didn't work.
But what's that? Pauli has stopped playing guitar and looks around the room. Almost seems like he has heard me. Weird. He shakes his head and plays on.
Why didn't my new beaming-technique work? Oh, maybe cause I concentrated on Sean looking like a fairy. I try again and picture him as a hamster. This time it works.
So this is where Lauri lives. Looks pretty normal for someone who carries tiny hamster clothes in his backpack. I had at least imagined a huge doll house or a barbie collection or something like this. But it's the usual young-guy-lives-on-his-own-apartment, no recognizable style, just a mixture of IKEA and old furniture, shelves filled with CDs, books and all kind of other stuff. Even the collection of empty beer bottles from all over the world isn't missing.
Lauri is sitting at his desk. I can't see what he's doing. He's bending over the table, concentrating on his work and singing along with Metallica's Master of Puppets. I come closer to see what he's doing. He's holding a piece of clothes in his hands. It's white with little red flowers and he... is sewing? He's really sewing a tiny dress! What's going on with him? Does he want to turn Sean into a drag hamster?
"Sean? Where are you?"
No response.
"Sean?" I look around and see the shoe box on the window shield. Why isn't he answering? I walk over to the window. As I come closer I realize that the box is slightly shaking.
"Master, master!" Lauri sings at the other side of the room.
I slowly bend over the box and jump back after seeing what I just saw. Two humping hamsters, eww! At least I hope Sean is the one on top.
"Sean!" I yell at him shocked.
I wait a few moments until I take another look. Now the two hamsters are separated and sit in opposite corners.
"Ever heard about knocking first?" Sean complains.
"You were just screwing an animal!"
"So what? I'm an animal, too!"
"No, you're a fairy! Weren't you the one who said earlier that he doesn't want to hook up with a furball?"
Sean scratches ashamed over the floor with his little feet. "Yeah, I know... but then I saw her! The dream of all hamster men!" He looks over to her and wiggles his eyebrows. At least it looks like he's doing it, I'm not sure if he has eyebrows at all.
The little hamster in the other corner squeaks at him.
"I'll be right back, hot mama! Grrrr!" Sean shouts over to her.
Suddenly Lauri is standing next to me and waves with the dress.
"I hope you two are behaving yourself! You gotta marry first before you can make little hamster babies!" Lauri tells the hamsters.
"Marry? Me? No! I'm too young to get married! And I'm definitely too young to make hamster babies! Rita, get me out of here!" Sean starts to panic.
"Oh, suddenly you can't wait to get away from her?" I grin at him.
"Rita, that's not funny! Hurry up, do something!"
"You know I can't do anything! And after all, I don't think this marriage will be official, so don't worry!"
Sean shivers. "I only have to hear the word marriage and I start to feel like someone pulls a tight belt around my neck and cuts off the air."
"I'm gonna see God later, I'll tell her to hurry up."
Lauri picks up the hamster girl and pulls the dress over her body. He puts her back into the box and looks at Sean.
"Hey, Fluffy, where's you're jacket?"
Lauri puts the jacket back on Sean.
"What a handsome couple you two make! Alright Fluffy, ready to get married?"
Sean stares at Lauri. "No! I'm not! Why didn't I get a bachelor party? Where's the booze and the strippers? That's not fair!"
"What's up, Fluffy? Getting cold feet?" Lauri laughs and makes the two hamsters sit next to each other. He clears his throat.
"So I'm asking you, Fluffy Hamster, do you want to marry this woman?"
"No!" Sean yells.
"And you, Annemarie Hamsterette, do you want to marry this man?"
The hamster squeaks.
"And what is going on here?"
I turn around. God and Satan are standing behind us.
"I'm sure Sean will be the happiest fairy on earth if he sees you now!" I laugh.
"Is this guy playing marriage with hamsters?" Satan asks surprised. "What a dork! He surely will never go to hell!"
"Oh, I remember him. He had a really hard time when he was nine years old and killed his hamster," God says.
"Lauri killed a hamster?" I asked shocked. Now I'm really worrying about Sean.
"Not on purpose though. He wanted to see if a vacuum cleaner pulls up his hamster's hair and well, not only the hair was pulled up."
"He vacuum cleaned his hamster to death?"
God nods. "Yeah, sucked it up and never saw him again... in one piece. He never really got over it. He was afraid of having pets, thought he would kill them. Guess when he found Sean he took it as a sign to finally get a new pet."
I watch Lauri smiling into the box. "Congratulations! I'm gonna leave you two love birds now, have a great first night!" Then he walks over to his sofa and turns on the TV.
"Alright, change him back into a fairy!" God tells Satan with a strict voice.
"Why? He's just a fairy, not much difference to a hamster anyway!" He snorts sarcastically.
"Hey! He's a great person!" I shout at him angrily.
"What are you waiting for, Sa?" God asks impatiently.
"How about please?" Satan grins.
"I'm gonna kick your ass if you don't turn him back immediately!"
"You can do anything you want to my ass, babe!"
"Bite me!" she hisses annoyed.
"Anytime!" Satan laughs.
Suddenly God grabs Satan's earlobe and turns it around.
"Outsch! Let me go!" he whines.
God just pinches him harder. "Come on, Sa!"
"Ok, ok," he mutters and moves his index finger in a circle.
A silent puffing sound comes from the box followed by "Eww, get away from me!"
Sean leaves the box and flies on my shoulder. His face is all red.
"I can't believe what I just did," he mumbles ashamed. Then he stares at Satan. "It's all your fault, you fucking asshole! Burn in hell!"
Satan laughs. "With pleasure! And now, excuse me please, ladies, I got other stuff to do then spending my time at hamster weddings!" He bows slightly and disappears.
God rolls her eyes. "I just don't understand why I'm still spending time with that looser!"
Well, I could tell you a few advantages of this extremely hot looser but I think I better don't. I just shrug my shoulders.
God looks at Sean. "I hope you learned from this, fairy!"
"Asking people who they are before I spit on them?" Sean suggests insecurely.
"How about keeping your nose out of things that are none of your business? I know you just wanted to help Rita and I hope you know that you can call yourself lucky that she takes care of you. We all know that fairies and angels usually are not a good combination. And if I ever hear that you get her into trouble again you can be sure that I find ways to punish you!"
Sean just nods intimidated.
"Come on, Rita, you wanted to take a look on your mom, right? Let's go!"
Sean leaves my shoulder and swirls around. "I'm gonna stay here a few more minutes. Gotta say bye to Annemarie. Poor little thing, just married and now being dumped again."
He sighs and peaks over the edge into the shoe box. "Too bad. It was great as long as it lasted."
"See ya tomorrow, Sean. And hands off the hamster!" I tell him.
He frowns.
"And with that I don't only mean hands!" I wink at him.
Then I leave with God. I can't wait to see my mother again!


28
I'm sitting on God's sofa in front of her TV. She sits behind her desk and writes something on her computer keyboard. Then she looks at me.
"Are you ready to see your mother?"
I nod. I'm excited though I'm also a bit scared of what I might see.
The screen flickers, then a picture appears. I recognize my old living room. It's empty.
"What time is it there now?" I ask God.
"6 p.m."
"Oh, she's probably not home from work yet."
God shakes her head. "I'm afraid she's not. Look at that."
My mom enters the room, she's wearing a bath robe. She takes place on an arm chair and hugs a pillow that had been lying there before. Her hair is messy, she doesn't wear make-up. She doesn't turn the TV on or takes a book to read in. She just stares sadly into the room.
I swallow. It hurts to see her like that.
"She hasn't been able to go back to work since you died. Satan didn't lie when he told you she's having a hard time."
I feel tears burning in my eyes. God sits down next to me and puts her arm around my shoulder.
"See, that's why I don't want my angels to see or miss their families. It's normal for a human being to suffer after loosing a beloved person. And remember, you died only a few weeks ago. Your mother has more difficulties to deal with your death than other people but that just shows how much she loves you. She is a strong person, she will be alright. It just takes her some time."
"Can I go to her?" All I want right now is to be with my mom, wanna hug and comfort her.
"I'm sorry, Rita, you can't. That's against the Rules of Heaven. And you have your own client to look after. Don't worry, your mother has a guardian angel, too. She's not alone and she's in good hands."
"I wish you would have never showed this to me," I mumble sadly.
"You wanted to know the truth and you know that I'm not able to lie. Come on, go home and get some sleep. I'm gonna check the computer again, maybe I can fix the things that went wrong when you died. It's not like I want you to forget about your mom but it doesn't help anyone when you're worrying about her all the time."
"Alright." I get up and walk towards the door. "By the way, speaking about computer problems, there was something weird today. When I shouted out my destination to beam myself away, I don't know, but I almost think Pauli heard me or something. He's not supposed to, is he?"
God knits her eyebrows. "No, not at all! It's absolutely forbidden that the clients find a connection to their GAs, you know that, right?"
Well, not really but now that she tells me about it I'm pretty sure it's somewhere in the Rules of Heaven and I should now about it. So I just nod.
God sits back down in front of her computer. "I'm gonna try to find the error. And maybe you should try to learn another way to beam. That screaming-technique isn't the most elegant."
"Yeah, I know. Ok, I'm leaving, see ya!"
"Good night."
I walk to my room and lay down on my bed. I still have to think about my mother. She looked so sad and desperate. I still have that picture in my head and it's breaking my heart. Why did this computer problem happen to me? Why can't God just erase this from my memory? Why can't I be like all the other angels and don't think of my mom?
I can't stand being alone right now. I send a message to Kurt to ask him to come over.
"Sorry, gotta work all night. Miss you."
Damn. What if I beam myself to Mom? Just for a few minutes? Just to hug her one time?
No, I can't. It's not allowed. Maybe I should take a bath and try to relax.
I walk over to my bathroom, put some bubble bath into the tub and turn on the water. Oh great, why's there no water coming?
I think I've seen a number for technical emergencies in the Rules of Heaven. Gonna call it.
"Hi, there's not water coming out of the tab of my bathtub. Could you please send someone over to repair it?"
"Sure, what's the number of your room?"
"249."
"Hold on a second." I can hear the person writing something on a computer keyboard. "I'm really sorry but as you died in your bathtub you're not allowed to take a bath. You can read that in..."
"The Rules of Heaven," I finish the sentence and sigh. "But I just died cause a radio fell into the water and I don't have any electric things around right now!"
"That doesn't matter, sorry."
"But..."
"Good night!"
Great! Why does everyone dream of going to heaven? At the moment I hate it! Maybe I should take Satan's offer to go to hell... nah, there's no Kurt so I don't wanna go there. But I can't stay here right now... I just wanna be with my mom for a minute. Again I see her sitting sad and all alone in the living room...
Whoa, what's that? Seems like I was concentrating too much, I've just beamed myself home! Oops. Well, now that I'm here anyway I could as well just stay for a while.
There she is, still sitting in the arm chair.
"Rita? What are you doing here?"
I turn around It's Stan.
"I... I beamed myself here... accidentally," I stutter. "She's my mother."
"You know that you're not allowed to be here, right?"
I nod. "But I found out that's she's not doing too well so..." I stop. Guess there's no good excuse for this.
Stan sighs. "I understand that you're worrying but if God finds out you're gonna be in big trouble!"
"Stan, please, don't tell her!"
"Hey, who do you think I am? Of course I'm not gonna tell her!"
I smile at him. "Thanks."
"But you should go home now."
"Can I hug her? Just one time?"
Stan sighs again and thinks about it for a while. "Alright."
I walk over to my mother and sit down on her lap. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and lean my forehead against hers.
"Hey, Mom. I just wanted to tell you that I'm in heaven now and that I'm doing fine. So please don't be too sad about my death! I know you're missing me but you gotta be strong, you gotta accept that I'm gone. I love you."
I feel tears running over my cheeks. My mom sighs. Maybe she's felt that I'm here. At least I hope she did. I get up and go over to Stan.
He smiles at me sadly. "Don't worry, I'm gonna take care of her, I promise!"
I hug him. "Thanks. I'm glad that you are her GA."
"Really?" Stan asks surprised.
"Sure, I mean, we're still friends, right?"
He smiles. "Yes."
"Good. Guess I better go now."
I wave at him and beam myself back to my room. I cuddle up in bed and close my eyes. Somehow I feel better now.
When I come to Pauli's place the next day he's already dressed and ready to leave. Looks like he's in a great mood, he's humming and smiling all the time.
We drive to the record studio. Aha, so that's what a studio looks like... not too exciting.
Lauri arrives last.
"What did take you this long?" Eero wonders. "Usually you're the first if it's about being at the studio."
Lauri looks at him sadly and sighs. "It's Fluffy. He disappeared!"
"What?" Aki yells at him. "How could you loose him? I knew I shouldn't allow you to take him home! Hamster killer!"
Lauri rips his eyes open. "What did you just call me?"
"Don't even try to deny it!" Aki replies angrily. "Eero told me all about your past! You're a hamster killer!"
"Eero! You promised me to keep it a secret!"
"Sorry," Eero mumbles ashamed.
"And after all, it was just an accident!" Lauri defends himself. "I wanted to style his hair and then..." he stops and gulps. "He left me."
"Well, actually he didn't leave you, he was just more than one piece," Aki mutters silently.
"Aki!" Eero hisses.
"So what did you do to Fluffy? Put him into a blender to make his hair curly?" Aki stares at him reproachfully.
"I don't know. He wasn't in his shoe box this morning. I looked for him everywhere but he has disappeared!"
"Maybe you sat on him last night and now he's squeezed to death."
"Aki, stop it!" Eero walks over to Lauri and wraps one arm around his shoulder. "Fluffy was probably a freedom-loving animal who likes to wander around. I mean, maybe he was just visiting the rehearsal room for a short while and actually wanted to move on. I'm sure it has nothing to do with you! And now hurry up, the sound engineer is waiting for you to record the first take."
Lauri steps into the recording booth and raises his thumb to show that he's ready.
After singing a few lines the engineer stops him.
"You have to start again, I heard some weird noises, gotta change a few things." He moves a few buttons on the mixing console. "Ok, let's try again."
Lauri sings but the engineer stops him again.
"Sorry, the noise is still there." He scratches his head. "Weird, sounds like something's squeaking."
Suddenly Lauri blushes and raises his hand. "Ehrm, excuse me? I think I know where this comes from." He slowly takes a hamster out of his jacket.
"Fluffy! He's back!" Aki shouts excited.
Lauri shakes his head. "No, that's Annemarie."
"Who's Annemarie?" Eero wants to know.
"She's Fluffy's wife. Poor Annemarie, so young and already divorced!"
Pauli rolls his eyes. "Guys, may I remind you that there are also people in this room who thought we were cool or at least normal until now?"
"Lauri, give Aki the hamster!" Eero says.
Aki walks over to Lauri and takes the hamster with a huge grin. He places Annemarie on his palm and softly pets her head. "Hey, little lady! Nice to meet you. I'm Aki, what's your name?"
Annemarie squeaks.
Aki grins. "She's talking to me! Isn't she cute?"
"Yeah, we all know that you're talented when it comes to chatting up girls. No matter how many legs they have," Pauli mutters sarcastically.
They start recording Lauri again.
Man, I didn't expect this to be so boring. I mean, recording an album sounds kinda exciting but after recording Lauri's voice for over an hour, now they are recording Aki. And listening to someone playing drums and no other instruments isn't the most interesting thing either.
I'm really bored. Boring, boring, booooooooring...
"Hey, Rita!"
Sean! Thank god!
"I'm so glad you're here! I'm so bored! Let's do something!"
Sean grins. "Sure. What are you up for? I know lots of things to do!"
"Legal or Illegal?"
"Whatever you want," he replies and winks.
"Alright, let's go."


29
We leave the studio.
"So what now?" Sean asks.
I shrug my shoulders. "You were the one who said he has some ideas!"
He sits down on my shoulder and rubs his hands. "Alright, let's see. We're in the capitol of getting drunk. I'd say we should go to the pub and drink something."
"I can't drink. I'm working, remember?"
"Oh, really? You're not even around your clients anymore," Sean laughs. "Ok, how about I get drunk and you watch?"
"Hey, you said you're gonna help me out of my boredom! And watching someone drinking isn't on my top things to do list! So, what do fairies do all day long?"
"Except for drinking? Hm... well... drinking.... and other stuff."
"For example?"
"Sleeping?"
"Your life seems just as exciting as mine," I sigh. Doesn't look like my day's gonna be any better...
"Hey, look, it's Ville! Come on, let's go with him!"
"Oh, no, not Ville! You know that I don't like him."
Sean giggles. "You could play some little tricks on him!"
Sounds tempting but... "I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to do that."
"Are angels allowed to do anything at all?" Sean complains.
"Yeah, I know," I sigh. "Seems like all the fun stuff is forbidden."
"Well, I'm gonna follow Ville and try to make his day more interesting. You can come and watch."
Sean flies to Ville and lands on his shoulder. "Hey, mate!"
Ville stops in front of a house and unlocks the door. Wow, this guy really has a special kind of taste. And obviously enough money. We're standing in a huge room with high walls that are painted dark red. All the furniture are antique, a chandelier is hanging from the ceiling, golden candleholders are standing everywhere, old paintings in beautifully carved wooden frames decorate the walls. Actually I wouldn't be surprised at all if suddenly a woman in a nineteenth century dress came in right now.
Ville walks on and goes upstairs. The whole house is decorated in the same style. Somehow I kinda feel like in a museum and hardly dare to touch anything. Ville stops in the bathroom and starts to take his clothes off. Damn, he's one skinny person! I immediately feel like I should offer him a chocolate bar or something. He gets into the shower and turns on the hot water. Only few minutes later the room is filled with steam and the mirror gets covered with damp.
"Hey, let's write something on the mirror!" Sean suggests. He puts his fingertip against his lip. "Hm, what should I write?"
"How about 'eat more'?"
Sean writes it in huge letters and ads a smily. Then he draws a little man with dropped pants showing his ass. In the left upper corner he writes 'Ville + Britney' and surrounds it with a heart. In the right corner he ads 'The Rasmus rock!'.
"Let's hide his towel."
"Rita, do you like watching him naked?" Sean raises his right eyebrow and grins.
"Well, there's hardly anything to see, he's all flesh and bone! Though I haven't seen his front yet," I wink at him.
"Does Kurt know you're taking advantage of being invisible to watch other men?" Sean pretends to be shocked. Then he grabs the towel and flies backwards with full force. The towel hardly moves. Sean gasps. "How about helping me?"
"You know I can't!"
"Oh, come on, who will ever find out about this?"
Actually I think he's right. If there was another GA round here we would have already seen him I guess.
"Alright." I concentrate and pick up the towel. "Where should I put it?"
"Let's hide it in his closet."
I walk over to Ville's bedroom and throw the towel into the closet. Sean locks it and pulls the keys out. Then he hides them under the bed.
"I'm sure we find more to do downstairs, " Sean suggests and leaves.
In the kitchen we switch white wine with vinegar, salt with sugar and don't close the salt and pepper shakers completely.
Suddenly we hear Ville from upstairs. "Hello? Is someone here?"
Ville comes into the kitchen, wrapped in his blanket. He looks around, then he goes on and checks the rest of the house. After he hasn't found anyone he stops and scratches his head.
"Staying up 48 hours and drinking all night long maybe wasn't a good idea... should take a nap," he mumbles and walks back upstairs.
I quickly run to the bathroom and clean the mirror. When Ville comes back to take another look on it he sighs confused. "Yeah, taking a nap is probably really a good idea."
He goes to his bedroom and crawls into the bed. Only a few minutes later he's sleeping peacefully. Sean lands next to Ville. He's holding a black permanent marker in his arms and grins.
"I'd really love to draw a little pig on his forehead but this pen is much to heavy for me! Would you be so kind and help me out?"
I laugh, take the marker and start to draw a pig.
"Rita! What are you doing here?"
The strict sound of the voice makes me freeze. I slowly turn around.
Kurt is standing behind me, his hands on his hips, looking at me reproachfully.
"I was... they didn't need me at the studio... Sean and I..." I stutter insecurely.
Kurt steps closer and takes the marker out of my hand.
"How could you do this?" He shouts. But suddenly he giggles. "This will never look like a pig! This looks like a rat!"
He bends over Ville and draws something on his right cheek. Then he points at it. "See, that's a pig!"
Ok, I admit it, whatever I draw it looks like a three years old has drawn it. I laugh.
"Damn, Kurt, you really scared me! I thought you're gonna yell at me and send me to God or something like that!"
"Hey, though I'm older and wiser I'm not that boring!" He defends himself.
"Older maybe but wiser?" I snort sarcastically and wink at him.
He grins. "Ok but what about more experienced?" He pulls me on his lap and kisses me. "Wanna learn from my experience?" He mutters between two kisses.
"Hello! Innocent fairy still in room!" Sean swirls up and down in front of us and waves.
"You mean that innocent fairy that fucked a hamster last night?" I ask him.
He pouts. "Annemarie wasn't just a hamster!"
"Did I miss something yesterday?" Kurt wants to know. "Oh, wait, actually I'm not sure if I wanna know the details."
Sean crosses his arms and turns his back towards us. "I hate couples."
Kurt gets up and takes my hand. "Let's go downstairs and let the fairy play with Ville."
Sean sits down next to Villes head and starts braiding his hair. "Let the fairy play with Ville," he mutters annoyed. "Great, as soon as Kurt's here, I'm not important anymore!"
"Don't worry, Sean, we'll be right back," I tell him and give him a conciliatory smile.
Kurt pulls me with him. "Hope we're not back too soon," he mumbles while walking down the stairs. Suddenly he picks me up and carries me to the sofa in the living room.
"Wow, what a service," I laugh at him.
"I'd do anything for you," he replies and sits down on the couch with me on his lap.
He starts kissing me and soon I feel his hands exploring my body underneath my shirt. Not that I'm not liking this, on the contrary! But wasn't Kurt the one who said that we're gonna take us all the time we need... not that I'm needing any more time right now... I love the way he kisses me and the feeling his fingers leave on every inch of my skin. But then again this is neither the right time nor the right place. I should be at work.
Ok, why am I thinking about work now? Something isn't right.
"Kurt," I mumble.
He stops and looks me into the eyes. And now I know what's wrong. It's not Kurt. It's Satan.
What an asshole, trying the same thing twice! Wait, you little fucker, now it's payback time!
"What's up?" He asks and gives me another kiss.
I back up a little. "What's wrong with you?"
"What do you mean?"
"It's the way you kiss me. Somehow it's not like it used to be!"
He grins. "You didn't expect me to improve so fast, huh?"
I shake my head. "On the contrary, you used to be so much better!"
He stares at me. Then he pulls me closer and gives me a long and passionate kiss.
Holy shit! This was hot! I'm almost melting away. Damn, pull yourself together, girl!
I shake my head again. "Nope, doesn't turn me on the tiniest bit!"
He tries it again. I sigh and try to make it sound like a sigh of disappointment and not of desire. "No, nothing."
"But..." he really looks confused.
"Kurt, I think if you don't turn me on anymore all this doesn't make any sense. We have to break up."
"But baby..."
"No, there's no 'but'. Leave me alone, I don't wanna see you again. I don't need a man who can't kiss! I mean, if you can't even kiss properly I doubt that you will be any better if it come to doing more..."
"Hey, no one has ever complained before! I can prove you that I'm good in bed!"
"No, thanks, I pass. And now, please leave me alone!"
I get up and wait for him to disappear. He looks at me and sighs. Then he vanishes into thin air.
Yes! I didn't just hurt his man pride I also made him believe that I broke up with Kurt. Hope he'll give up making me go to hell now that he thinks I don't like Kurt anymore.
I walk back upstairs to look after Sean.
He's sitting in front of Ville who is awake now. And they are talking with each other!
"Sean, what the fuck are you doing?" I yell at him.
"Excuse me for a second," Sean tells Ville and flies towards me. "I just used a tiny bit of fairy dust so that Ville can see me! Don't worry, I took the right dose this time, he's the only one who can see me." Sean grins proudly.
"Ville will think he's insane if he's the only one who can see you! What did you tell him?"
"That he's the only one who can see me!"
"Because?"
"I told him that he's a special person with magic ancestors so he's able to see fairies and stuff like that. And actually he's pretty proud about that!" Sean explains with toned down voice.
I shake my head. "Damn, Sean, why do you always do things like this?"
He shrugs his shoulders. "Cause I'm a fairy, I guess."
"Alright, this is your business now, I'm going back to the studio. And promise me that you'll never mention anything about me or guardian angels or stuff like that! I don't want to have anything to do with this!"
"Sure."
"Hey, Sean, who are you talking to?" Ville shouts over to us.
"Oh, I'm just talking to..."
"Sean!" I hiss.
"... your house ghost, Oscar."
I roll my eyes and turn around to leave.
"I have my own ghost? Cool!" I hear Ville say while I beam myself away.
Why do I slowly get the impression that most Finns are weird? They believe in ghosts and fairies, have weird affectations towards hamsters... might have something to do with the amount of alcohol they drink... as we all know that it kills brain cells.
The guys are still at the studio. Now they are recording Eero's bass lines. Another unexciting thing to watch...
"Alright, stop it," the sound engineer suddenly sighs into the microphone.
Eero stops playing. "What's wrong, Mikka?"
"Your hamster just peed on the mixing console. I really can't work like this! Please leave your pets at home tomorrow!"
Lauri comes over to pick up Annemarie. "Sorry," he mumbles ashamed. "Annemarie, you bad, bad, girl! You can't pee on electric things! You could get an electric stroke! That's dangerous!"
"How about that's disgusting, not dangerous?" Mikka complains and cleans the console with a paper towel.
"I already told you I'm sorry, relax," Lauri mutters and goes back to Pauli and Aki who are sitting on a table with notepads. Seems like they are still thinking about album titles. I peak over Aki's shoulder to read what he has written down. Too bad, everything has been crossed out and I can't read it anymore.
"How about we don't choose a name but just a colour? Like Metallica and their black album?" Pauli suggests.
"But black has already been taken, what other colour would you pick that would suit us?" Aki asks.
"White?"
"Already been taken by the Beatles," Lauri says.
"Green?"
"Weezer."
"Pink?"
"No, Pauli!"
"Ok, maybe no colour then," Pauli sighs and scribbles on his notepad.
"How about 'drumsticks and hot chicks'?" Aki asks.
Lauri just rolls his eyes.
"Perpendicular?"
"Cause that's the direction of your dick when you see hot chicks and drum sticks?"
"No, I just thought it sounds good," Aki defends himself. "Maybe HellOfAnAlbum?"
"Or HellOfAHamster!" Lauri shouts excited.
Pauli shakes his head. "We already used the Hell-of-a-whatever-thing twice. And do you remember when everyone thought HellOfATester was called 'Hello fat Ester'?"
He leans back and throws his pen on the table with a deep sigh. "If this goes on like that I think 'brain dead' would suit us the most."


30
The last few days have been pretty boring. The band recorded at the studio all the time, nothing interesting happened at all. Even Sean hasn’t been there. Guess now that Ville can see him, they are hanging out together.
At the moment I’m sitting at God’s office.
“So that’s all that happened?” She asks and puffs out some cigarette smoke in the shape of little cars.
I nod. “Yeah, the last days have been quiet.”
“What about your client and that girl?”
“Pauli and Maya are having their second date tonight. He’s pretty nervous about it but I’m sure it will be fine. I’m gonna meet him after I’m done with this.”
“Alright. Well, if there isn’t anything else you wanna tell me, you can go now.”
“Ok. See you tomorrow!” I get up and walk towards the door.
“Wait! Tomorrow? Haven’t I told you about the party?”
I turn back. “What party?”
God sighs. “I really thought I had already invited you! Or maybe I told Kurt to tell you?” She scratches her head and tries to remember.
“Kurt didn’t tell me anything.” Not to mention that I haven’t seen or talked to him during the last days. He just wrote me a message, saying something about being busy.
“Well, then, sorry. Wanna come to my party tonight?” God smiles at me.
“Sure. Is there a special reason for that party?”
“Yeah, it’s my birthday!”
“I always thought your birthday was on Christmas. Oh, no, wait, that’s Jesus’ birthday,” I correct myself.
“Right.” She laughs. “You’ll probably meet him tonight.”
“Jesus? So he’s really your son?”
God nods. “Kind of.”
“And all the stories about him in the bible are true?”
“Yes. Or kind of,” she sighs and rolls her eyes. “Though it’s all interpreted pretty much in the wrong way.”
“What do you mean?”
God lets herself drop on the sofa, lights a cigarette and offers one to me. I join her.
“See, there was that girl, Mary. And one night she got really drunk and had sex with her fiancé, Joseph. But they both didn’t remember the next day. Mary got pregnant and as it was really a bad thing for young unmarried girls during that time, I felt sorry for her. I sent Gabriel to her to tell her that she’s having God’s baby… I have no idea why I came up with that idea. And Gabriel added a few extra details to his message. Anyway, I felt like I had to take care about that kid and I gave him some special features and skills.”
“Like waking up dead people?”
“Hey, he never woke up dead people! That one guy wasn’t really dead, he was just comatose! But he was able to heal the sick. I thought he would work as a doctor or something for a living but well, Jesus always wanted to be famous. He’s a little drama queen, you know?”
“What about all the people who followed him?”
“Who wouldn’t want to be friends with a person who can turn water into wine?” God laughs.
“So, all these sermons about charity and forgiveness and all that stuff, did they really happen?”
“Well, as he wanted to be famous and he always loved talking in front of a crowd I thought why not teaching him a few thing he could tell them? I visited him in his dreams a lot and gave him some ideas for his next performances.”
“Aha.” Wow, never expected to hear the truth about Jesus one day. “What does he do now?”
“He’s running a gay bar in heaven, the Rainbow Room.”
I look at God. “Jesus is gay?”
She raises her eye brows. “Hello! A thirty-three years old man that only hangs out with his twelve apostles and his mom, what did you expect?”
The phone rings, God picks up the receiver and replies.
I get up and wave at her. “See you at the party!”
I leave and beam myself to Pauli. He’s standing in front of his closet, only a towel wrapped around his waist.
“Damn, I’m almost late,” he mutters, “what am I gonna wear?” He stares at his clothes.
How about pants and a shirt? Come on, you don’t wanna be late!
He takes some clothes and rushes back to the bathroom. Then he comes running back.
“Shoes! Where’s my left shoe?” He crawls over the floor and checks under his bed. Finally he finds it on his desk. He jumps back up and touches his head.
“Don’t have enough time to let my hair dry. Gotta use a hair dryer,” he mumbles and disappears in the bathroom again. After a few minutes I hear him turning off the hair dryer and a very female cry. Did a girl hide in his shower?
No, it’s him. I find him standing in front of the mirror staring at his reflection. His hair looks like it has exploded. He takes a brush and tries to straighten it at least a bit. But he only makes it worse.
“Hurry up, dude! And forget about your hair! Get a hat or something!” I shout at him.
Weird, it has happened again! Pauli turns around surprised like he’s looking for someone who has just talked to him. Did he hear me?
Pauli shakes his head like he wants to get rid of a strange thought and leaves the bathroom. He grabs a black beanie and hides his hair. Then he takes his jacket and keys and leaves his apartment.
While waiting for a taxi I hug him. I can feel his heart beating fast. Kinda cute that he’s so excited. Calm down, it’s all gonna be great! There’s no need to worry! Cupid has taken care of this, so what could possibly go wrong? And after all, your personal guardian angel is with you… somehow I think he’s feeling a tiny bit better now. Good.
We drive to the restaurant. Maya isn’t there yet. We wait for her at the bar.
“What if she doesn’t come at all?” Pauli thinks concerned.
I take his hand and squeeze it. “Why the hell shouldn’t she come?”
Thank God, there she is! She walks towards him and smiles. And all of a sudden Pauli’s insecurity has disappeared. He get up and waves.
“Hi! I’m really sorry I’m late,” she says and gives him a little kiss on the cheek.
“No need to apologize, you’re almost on time,” Pauli replies and leads her to their table in the back of the restaurant.
They sit down and order drinks.
“Aren’t you hot?” Maya asks. “Why don’t you take off your hat?”
Pauli blushes slightly. “My hair is living its own live at the moment. It’s better to hide it.”
“You’re trying to let it grow?”
Pauli nods.
Maya sighs. “I know what that’s like. My hair is really curly and when it’s shorter I just look like one of the Jackson Five.”
Pauli laughs. “I bet you look better than Michael!”
“Well, considering that I still have a complete nose, I guess that’s easy!”
They talk on for a while when suddenly a young girls comes to their table.
“Excuse me, please,” she asks shyly. “But I just wanted to tell you how much I love your music! Would you mind giving me an autograph?”
Pauli smiles at her and takes the pen and the napkin she was holding in her hands. “Sure. What’s you name?”
“Celia.”
He signs the napkin and gives it back to her. “Here you go.”
Celia grins widely. “Thank you so much. And sorry for disturbing you!”
She goes back to her table and shows the autograph to her parents.
Maya looks surprised at Pauli. “Does that happen a lot?”
Pauli shrugs his shoulders. “The Finnish people are pretty shy and they mostly respect your privacy. It happens more often in other countries.”
Maya laughs. “Why do I get the impression that you haven’t told me the whole truth about your band yet?”
Pauli blushes. “Well… I don’t know… maybe… I didn’t… want to brag… or something” he stutters and tries to find the right words. “And I didn’t want you to like me cause I’m in the band,” he adds silently
Maya reaches over the table and takes Pauli’s hand. “Don’t you know that I like you regardless of what you’re doing as a job?”
Pauli gulps.
Maya grins. “And after all, if you had told me about it in the first place it wouldn’t have made any difference. I still haven’t heard anything about your band! But maybe that’s because I spent most of my time at work. What’s the name of the band again?”
“The Rasmus.”
“Hm… somehow I think I have heard that before but I don’t really know.”
Pauli smiles. “Why don’t you come to the studio next week?”
No! Don’t invite her to that boring place!
“Or maybe you just give me one of your CDs to listen to for a start. I don’t wanna disturb you guys when you’re working!”
They keep on talking. Pauli really seems to feel comfortable around her and so does she. I watch them for about an hour, then I decide that it’s ok to leave them alone. They really are a cute couple.
I beam myself back to heaven and check my pager. Still no message from Kurt. Weird.
Ok, so what am I supposed to wear on God’s birthday party? And should I bring a present? What the hell can you give God for her birthday? Guess she already has everything. And after all I have no idea where to buy one in heaven. I sigh and decide to wear jeans, a black neck holder top and stilettos, simple but nice. And for the present… oh well, what ever.
When I come to the party I see God talking to the tallest woman I’ve ever seen. When I approach I somehow get the impression that I have seen her before. She turns around and wow… it’s Cher! Or should I say HE is Cher?
God smiles at me. “Hi Rita! Can I introduce you to my son? This is Jesus.” She points at Cher.
He bends down and gives me little kisses on both cheeks. “Darling, great to meet you!” He sings with his deep voice and swings his head in the typical Cher way to let his hair fly out of his face.
“Nice to meet you, too. Great outfit.”
Jesus places his hand on his chest and gives me a genuine smile. “Thank you so much! I’m gonna perform for Mom later on!”
“He’s the best Cher impersonator dead or alive,” God tells me with some motherly pride in her voice.
Jesus giggles. “She’s exaggerating! But talking about outfits, I love your shoes!” He almost screams the word ‘love’. “I wonder if they have them in my size!”
“By the way, happy birthday, God! May I ask how old you are?” I ask God.
She grins. “Of course you may. I’m 29.”
“She’s always been celebrating her 29th birthday as far as I can remember back,” Jesus laughs and puts one arm around God’s shoulder. “But doesn’t she even look like she’s only 21?”
“Yeah, like a very hot 21 years old!”
We all turn around. Satan is standing behind us, holding a black rose. He bows down and gives the flower to God.
“Happy birthday and thanks for the invitation!”
Jesus rolls his eyes dramatically. “Oh, Mom! Why do you always invite him?”
“He’d come anyway,” God explains and shrugs her shoulders.
Satan grins at Jesus. “Jesus, charming as ever! So, any news? Been crucified lately?”
“Ph!” Jesus gasps insulted and turns his back demonstratively at Satan. Then he bends towards me and whispers into my ear. “He’s such an ass!”
“Why don’t you just admit that though you think I’m an ass, all you want is my ass!” Satan laughs with his deep voice.
“Honey, and if you were the last man on earth, I’d rather pick a woman than you!” Jesus replies dryly and looks down on Satan. “Look at you! All these tattoos! That’s so… late nineties!” He snorts sarcastically.
Somehow I thinks as long as Satan’s attention is on Jesus I’d better go. He hasn’t really noticed me yet, ha! I guess that incident at Ville’s house has put me off his list, good!
I leave and order a beer at the bar. And then I see him. He already seems to be pretty drunk, he’s slightly tottering and grabs the girl’s arm to keep balance. She laughs and wraps her arm around his waist to support him.
“Kurt!” I shout over to him and wave.
He looks around like he’s searching for where my voice came from. The girl says something to him and points into my direction. He turns towards me. I wave again. But he just gives me a weird look and drags the girl on the dance floor.
Now what the fuck was that about?
I wanna run to him and pull him away from that girl but then again I don’t wanna look like that jealous girlfriend… wait, I am that jealous girlfriend! Calm down, Rita, they are just dancing! There’s nothing wrong with only a dance! People do that all the time!
Alright, but they don’t grab each other’s asses all the time! That’s enough!
I walk over to them and poke Kurt’s shoulder. He turns around.
“Having fun?” I hiss angrily.
Kurt doesn’t answer. He just looks at me. I stare into his eyes, hoping for a small chance to discover it’s Satan playing a trick on me again. But it’s really Kurt. Giving me the coldest look ever.
“What’s going on?” I ask him confused.
As an answer he pulls the other girl closer and keeps on dancing with her.
“Why are you doing this?”
“Cause I can,” he snaps. “Listen, this is none of your business, so just leave me the fuck alone!”
“Well, sorry that I thought you were part of my business,” I hiss and go back to the bar.
I still can’t stop watching him and the girl. I’m just so angry! And also confused and disappointed. Men! It’s always the same, no matter if they are dead or alive!
“Mh, mh, mh, seems like good old Kurt isn’t that good at all!” A deep voice is whispering in my ear.
“Fuck off, Satan,” I mutter weakly. I just don’t feel like arguing at the moment.
“Guess that’s not what you expected heaven to be like, huh?”
Working all day long and having your boyfriend telling you to leave him alone? Who doesn’t expect it to be like this?
“You deserve better than that!” I feel his hand on my back which immediately makes me feel his heat run through my body.
I sigh and look at him. “Sa, what do you want?” I ask annoyed.
And once again, I’m captured by his eyes, it feels like they are dragging me into another dimension.
“You know what I want.”


31
“Fuck you!” I snap at Satan and wave at the bartender to order some vodka. I need something stronger than beer now.
Satan laughs. “I wanna fuck and I want you, so your answer was almost right.”
I just roll my eyes and chug down my vodka. “One more,” I tell the guy behind the bar.
Satan sits down next to me and takes a sip of his beer. I take my refilled glass und empty it quickly. The liquid burns down my throat but I don’t care. At least it distracts me from my disappointment about Kurt. I wave at the bartender again.
“Easy, darling, easy!” Jesus lets himself fall on a stool on my other side. “The night is still young, no need to drink that fast!”
I don’t answer and wait for my next drink.
“Where’s that lovely smile that was on your lips only a few minutes ago?” He asks and looks over at Satan. “Or is this jerk responsible for you shitty mood?”
“For once he’s not,” I mutter and pick up my glass.
Jesus takes my hand and pushes it back down on the bar. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong? From girl to girl?” He looks at Satan again. “In case you haven’t noticed yet, that means piss off, Sa!”
Satan gets up, pulls an imaginary hat and bows down. “Ladies.” Then he walks away.
“So?” Jesus asks and takes a sip of his champagne glass.
“It’s nothing. The guy I thought was my boyfriend just told me to leave him alone so he can flirt with other girls,” I reply with a sarcastic undertone.
“Oh, darling, how horrible!” Jesus cries out and puts his hand on mine. “But you know, if he behaves like that, maybe he’s just not worth it!” He shakes his head. “Men! Just a pain in the ass!” Then he giggles. “Though a good pain sometimes!”
I empty my glass again and sigh. “I really wanna know why everyone wants to go to heaven when it’s just the same here than on earth!”
Jesus gasps and lays his hand on his chest. “Oh, no! Don’t tell me Satan has offered you to go to hell!”
I just shrug my shoulders and stare at my glass. “Why not? Can’t be worse than it’s here right now!”
Jesus grabs my shoulders and turns me around so I look into his face. “There are two ways to go to hell. The first is, you fuck up things while you’re alive, then you have to suffer for your sins in your own personal version of hell. The second possibility is, Satan invites you. You can live the life of your dreams down there but of course there’s a hook. You have to work for Satan. And that, my dear, means you have to make people on earth do really evil stuff, like talking an otherwise innocent person into killing children for example. So whatever you think right now, hell really IS hell! And not to mention that the heat down there ruins every make up!” He ads dramatically.
I sigh again. “I know, I know. It’s not like I really thought about taking his offer, it’s just that…” I turn my head and look at the dance floor. Kurt is still dancing with that girl. Seeing this feels like someone punches me into my stomach. “One vodka, please!” I shout.
“Honey, drinking doesn’t solve your problems!” Jesus tells me strictly. Then his face turns into a smile. “Though it distracts you for a while. So I suggest, get drunk, forget about that guy for tonight and tomorrow you’re gonna talk things out with him.” He gets up. “And now, excuse me please, gotta get ready for my performance!” He waves at a woman that walks towards us. A six feet five tall Tina Turner approaches.
“This is Tina, also known as Louis, my boyfriend,” Jesus introduces him. “Louis, that’s Rita.”
Louis offers me his hand, I’m not really sure if I’m supposed to kiss or shake it. I take his fingers and shake them lightly. “Hi, nice to meet you!”
“Enchanté!” Louis replies smiling.
“Talk to you later, Rita! And I hope to see you in the first row during the show!” Jesus winks and walks away with Louis.
“Or maybe not,” I mumble and chug down the vodka that the bartender has placed in front of me. I don’t feel like shaking my ass to ‘simply the best’ right now… and certainly not to ‘believe’. Though I guess one more of these drinks and I’ll stop caring about bad music.
“I wish he would at least impersonate someone cool, like Janis Joplin or Joan Jet but no! It’s always these disco queens!” Satan mutters and drops himself on a stool next to me.
“Guess that’s the only choice if you’re into wearing glittering catsuits,” I suggest.
“T-Rex, Sweet, The Darkness… there are plenty of people wearing glittering stuff and still making good music!”
“Wow, wouldn’t have expected to hear something from you that I can agree with,” I tell him surprised then I turn my attention back on my again empty glass.
“Well, you’ve never really given me a chance to talk to you to find out about things like that!”
I laugh sarcastically. “Hey, it’s not my fault that I thought about other things than talking when you’re near me.”
“Oh, so you wanna tell me it’s my fault? And about what other things were you thinking then?” Satan grins at me cheekily.
I feel the blood rushing into my face. “Cars, shoes, dogs,” I mutter vaguely.
“Yeah, sure,” he laughs. “Why don’t you finally admit that you want me?”
Seems like he likes to come straight to the point.
“Cause if you weren’t using your magic tricks or whatever that is on me, I wouldn’t give a shit about you!” I turn away from him which I regret immediately. All I see is Kurt and that girl sitting on his lap and laughing about something he has just said.
Satan follows my eyes. “Oh, come on, are you still bewailing that dork? Forget about him! He obviously has forgotten about you!”
I hate to admit that Satan might be right. Kurt doesn’t look at all like he’s spending a single thought on me! The disappointment and sadness I felt before turn into anger. What an asshole? Why is Kurt behaving like this? I just can’t understand him!
I chug down my fifth vodka followed by some beer to rinse my burning throat.
Why am I sitting here, wasting my time and feelings on a guy that treats me like I don’t exist? This is a fucking party! I should have fun!
I jump of my stool. Whoa, standing straight isn’t as easy anymore as it was before.
“Where are you going?” Satan asks.
“Dunno, somewhere… else,” I tell him and walk into the opposite direction of where Kurt sits with the girl.
Satan follows me. “Can I come?”
This guy is really starting to go on my nerves! When will he finally realize that I’m not going anywhere with him? I’m gonna tell him to fuck off and look for another angel to annoy!
“Listen,” I shout at him and turn around, “I’m gonna tell you this just for one last time and I hope you’ll finally get what I wanna say!”
He looks at me with expectation. His dark eyes… they are almost black.
“And what would that be?” He asks quietly.
His deep voice echoes in my head.
“All I wanna say is…” If I could only remember…
Satan slowly bends down towards my face. I’m still staring into his eyes. They seem to change colour the closer they come. Now they are almost dark purple.
“There’s no need to talk, right?” He whispers before his lips meet mine.
What about Kurt? I hear a little voice in the back of my head ask but this time it’s easy to drown it out. If Kurt doesn’t care about me, why should I care about him?
“Let’s get out of here,” I tell Satan.
He wraps his arms around me to pull me closer and kisses me deeply. When I open my eyes again I realize that we’re not at the party anymore.
This room almost looks like Ville’s place, red walls, burning candles in golden chandeliers. A huge old wooden tester-bed with red velvet curtains takes most of the space.
Satan cups my head. He gently kisses me, I part my lips and allow him to explore my mouth with his tongue. I slide my hands along his arms until I reach his hands. He takes mine and places them on his back. Kissing and embracing each other he slowly directs me towards the bed. My hands wander underneath his shirt and caress his slim but muscular body. Feeling the mattress at the back of my legs I let myself sink down.
Satan still stands in front of me and smiles cheekily. I crawl backwards and lean back on my elbows. I watch him taking his shirt off and grin.
“How about a private striptease?” I suggest.
He throws his shirt away and laughs. “I’m a bad dancer. You would only make fun of me. And after all,” he gets on the bed and kneels above me, “we don’t want to waste time with that, right?” He bends down and kisses me again.
He pulls my shirt up and kisses my breasts. He circles my nipples with his tongue, softly taking them between his teeth. A silent moan escapes my mouth. With a quick move he completely removes the shirt.
I’m surprised. “How come I can take my shirt off?”
Satan continues sucking my breasts. “My place, my rules,” he just mutters distracted.
I’m confused.
“Wait, your place?” I ask and try to move backwards. “Does that mean we’re in hell?”
This kinda scares me. Hell? I never said I wanted to go to hell!
Satan follows my movements and tries to kiss me. But I move further back.
“Tell me, is this hell?”
I slide further backwards. This time the wall at the end of the bed stops me. Satan is on the same level with my stomach and circles my belly button with his tongue. His hands are resting on the waist of my jeans. His lips are wandering lower, leaving a burning trail on my skin. Suddenly he stops and looks into my eyes. Though I wanna know if this is hell, I don’t want him to stop.
“Of course this is hell!”
I gasp but Satan just smiles.
“Don’t worry, if you wanna go back to heaven, just tell me, I’ll take you there, I promise!”
I feel his fingers unbutton my pants.
“So, you wanna go home?” He crawls higher and licks along my neck.
His husky voice makes me shiver with anticipation of what will happen next. I sigh.
“We’re not in a hurry, you can take me there later,” I mumble into his ear.
“Alright, then lean back and enjoy,” he whispers, again travelling southwards with his lips. With a quick move he pulls my pants off my legs and throws them into a corner.
Though now I’m laying naked in front of a man I hardly know I don’t feel insecure or ashamed. His tongue makes it unable for me to form a clear thought at all. While he’s kissing and licking my most sensible spot I can’t avoid to let out that deep moan that has been building up in the back of my throat. I feel Satan grin.
I run my hands through his hair. He works his way back up to my face and kisses me deeply. The hard lump in his pants tells me that I’m not the only one who’s ready for more. I impatiently unbuckle his belt and push his pants down. Satan kicks them off completely and lays down on me. He strokes some hair out of my face and kisses me. Then he looks me into the eyes. “Are you sure you wanna do this?”
Oh, come on, what’s that sensitive-lover-thing now about? You actually don’t care about me and I don’t give a fuck about you!
As an answer I grab his waist and make him turn on his back. I climb on top of him and bend down for an electrifying kiss. With one hand I help him entering me. He groans and grabs my waist to determine the pace but I shove his hands away.
First you used your power to get me where you wanted, now it’s my turn to set the tone!
He quickly understands how I like it and it doesn’t take long until I sink satisfied on his chest.
Both still heavily breathing we lie next to each other for a while. Satan offers me a cigarette.
“No, thanks.” I shake my head and get up to start looking for my clothes.
While getting dressed I think about what just has happened. Now that I have come back to senses I realize that it has left kind of a bitter aftertaste. It has been great, no doubt about that, but still.
“Ok, take me home now,” I tell Satan.
“Already?” He asks surprised.
“Well, you got what you wanted, no need to keep me here any longer, right?”
He laughs. “I could think of so many more reasons, or even if it’s only the one we came here in the first place, I wouldn’t mind if we repeat that one a couple of times!”
I just raise my eyebrows.
Satan shrugs his shoulders. “Alright, alright, let’s go.” He quickly puts on his pants and takes my hand. With the blink of an eye we’re in my room in heaven. Suddenly he laughs out loud. “If you just knew how right you were when you said that I got what I wanted!”
I look at him confused. “What do you mean?”
Satan winks and vanishes into thin air, leaving me with his answer echoing in my room.
“Ask Kurt!”


32
Though I still feel pretty drunk I gotta talk to Kurt. I go back to God's party and start looking for him. After a while I find Kurt and Stan sitting at the bar, both holding on to their beer bottles to keep themselves sitting straight. Hell, did I say I was pretty drunk? Compared to them I'm almost sober! They are talking to each other and don't see me coming.
"Womn are eeevil," Kurt tries to tell Stan. "I just know they must be a prod.. prod... produc... t of hell!" He hits his fist against his chest and burbs loudly. "Scuse me."
"Naaah, not all wommmen are evil," Stan replies.
Kurt nods. "Yes, they are!" He keeps on nodding for a while.
Stan looks at him, waiting for Kurt to say something more. But Kurt just keeps on nodding, all lost in his thoughts.
"Kurt?" Stan asks and touches Kurt’s shoulder which makes him jump.
"First she breaks your heart, then she breaks mine,” Kurt continues. Is he talking about me? “And she's a woman. Do you see the connection?" He lowers his voice and bends closer towards Stan. "I tell you, thississa conspiracy!"
Stan stares at Kurt. "Really?" He whispers shocked. "Who doya think started it?"
Kurt rolls his eyes. "Come on! Can't you imagine?"
Stan gasps. "Do you... wanna say... it's God?"
"Of course not! I mean Satan!"
"But... God... is a woman, too!" Stan states slowly.
Kurt swallows and inhales sharply. "Holy shit! Stan, buddy," he says with a serious voice and pats his shoulder, "I tell you, we're all lost."
Both stare silently at their beer bottles.
"Hey!" I say loudly.
Kurt and Stan turn around. When they see me they both raise their hands with shocked faces and form crosses with their index fingers.
"Back up, product of all evil!" Stan shrieks.
I sigh. "Crosses work on vampires not on women, idiots!"
"So why did you come here? To insult us?" Kurt says and turns back towards this beer.
I come closer and lay one hand on Kurt's shoulder. Stan backs up and gives me a mistrusting look.
"Kurt, I really need to talk to you!"
He snorts sarcastically. “Too bad I don’t wanna talk to you.”
“Come on, please! It’s really important! I need to know what has happened! Why do you act so weird towards me?”
“You wanna know what happened?” Stan laughs dryly. “Ha! You should be the one who knows!”
I look at Stan. “Well, if I knew I wouldn’t ask. Can you please leave us alone for a couple of minutes?”
“I’m not gonna leave my best friend in the malicious claws of a woman!”
“Don’t worry, I promise I won’t kill or castrate him!”
He shivers. "Don't say the c-word in my presence!"
"What? Castrate?"
Stan knits his eyebrows angrily but takes his beer and gets up. “Alright, I’ll be back in five minutes.” He stumbles away.
Kurt just stares at his drink and doesn’t say anything. Guess I have to start.
“Listen, I need to know what’s going on. When I met you earlier today you really hurt me with your behaviour and…”
“I hurt you?” He interrupts me roughly. “You were the one who hurt me in the first place!”
“But I don’t understand it! What have I done?” I ask despairingly.
Kurt doesn’t answer.
“Tell me, please! Does it have to do anything with Satan?”
He looks at me. “Why do you think that?”
“Cause he told me that he got what he wanted and I thought he has maybe done something that made you treat me the way you did.”
Kurt thinks about my words. Suddenly he swallows. “I can’t believe he did it again!”
“Did what again?”
“Making me believe things that maybe haven’t happened!”
“What did he tell you?”
Kurt looks down to the ground and sighs. “He said that you were just playing with me and that actually you want to be together with him. He touched my head and made me see past things through his eyes. I saw you and him in your bed or you and him at Ville's place… and every time you seemed to enjoy it all.” He takes my hand and smiles sadly. “I’m so sorry, I should have known that he made all this things up! But it just looked so real!”
Damn, how am I gonna tell him nicely that all this actually happened? I smile at him insecurely. “Well, you know, it’s not like he really made them up.”
Kurt lets my hand go. “What?”
“It’s not what you think, I mean, somehow it is but… you know, Satan changed his appearance into yours, so I actually thought it was you and not him.”
He gasps. “What an asshole! But why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was afraid that you’d try to pay it all back to him and that he would hurt you or, I don’t know, maybe turn you into a hamster, too.”
Kurt sighs and wraps his arms around me. “There’s only one way how to avoid something like this in the future. We always have to tell each other the truth! Don’t lie to me.”
He hugs me tightly.
“Ok,” I mutter and lean my head against his shoulder. It feels so good to have him back. Wait, the truth? Shit, guess there is one thing left to admit.
“Kurt, now that you said you always want to hear the truth…”
Damn, how am I supposed to say this in a gentle way?
“I slept with Satan.”
Ok, that wasn’t very gentle…
Kurt drops his arms and backs up. “You did what?” He shouts out shocked.
“Well, after you told me to fuck off I was just so disappointed and angry at you… then Satan came along with one of his indecent proposals… you know what he can be like and you also know that I was able to resist him before… but this time…” I sigh and shrug my shoulders. “Guess it didn’t work cause I was so angry at you.”
Kurt doesn’t say anything, he just looks at me.
“I’m really, really sorry! Please, I swear I will never do something like that again! Can you forgive me?”
“I don’t know,” Kurt mumbles.
I feel my stomach drop to my feet. “But… if you don’t… Satan’s plan will have worked out just the way he wanted it!”
Kurt sits back down on his stool and starts peeling off the label of his beer bottle. Then he slowly raises his head. "Was it any good?" He asks carefully.
"What do you mean?"
"With Satan."
Hell, yes! "Was kinda boring." Oops, lied again... but that's just a white lie!
I take his hand and look into his eyes. "I can understand if you need time to trust me again but please, give me a second chance!"
"Hey, I'm the last one who should complain about taking one of Satan's offers," he says and pulls me close.
"What did you do with Satan?" I ask curiously.
Kurt blushes. "That's a secret of my darkest past!"
I grin. "What happened to always saying the truth?"
"I'm not lying, I'm just not gonna tell you what it is! A real man needs his secrets," he replies and kisses me.
"Hey, do you think you can distract me with your kiss so I will stop asking about this secret?" I complain.
Kurt laughs. "My lips are sealed."
"Hm, let's see if I can make you talk," I whisper into his ear and nibble his earlobe.
"So, I guess that means the evil woman isn't evil anymore," Stan asks from the background.
I let Kurt go and turn towards Stan. "How long have you and Kurt been friends now, Stan? Seven, eight years?"
He nods.
"And you're really good friends, right? Like you talk about everything and all that?"
He nods again and gives me a questioning look. "What do you want?"
"How about I invite you for a drink and you tell me a bit about his past?" I grin and lay one arm around his shoulders.
"Rita, all the drinks are for free," Stan tells me with suspicion in his voice.
I give him my brightest smile and pull him towards the bar. "Then I'll invite you for two drinks!"
Stan turns to Kurt. "Is she trying one of her evil tricks on me? If yes, help!"
Kurt laughs. "I think I better drink with you to make sure you're not gonna blurt out with some better untold things!"

I wake up but can't open my eyes yet. I feel someone hugging me. I hear waves breaking, the air smells salty. Weird.
I takes me a while to wake up completely. I try to sit up but limbs across my body push me back to the sandy ground. At least I know now that I'm at a beach. I pat down my body to remove the hands that didn't allow me to get up. I push one aside, another one, a third one... wait, three hands?
All of a sudden I'm awake and strong enough to sit up straight. Kurt and Stan are still sleeping on each of my sides.
How for fuck's sake did we end up sleeping on a beach in swim wear? I shake the guys shoulders.
"Just five more minutes," Kurt mutters and cuddles up next to me, resting his head on my leg.
Stan sits up and blinks a few times. "Wow, nice beach!"
"Aren't you wondering why we're here?" I ask him surprised.
He shrugs his shoulders. "No."
"So you know how we came here?"
"No."
"But..."
"Hey, that's what usually happens at God's birthday parties. You wake up and can't remember the last half of the night."
Kurt yawns, stretches his arms and laughs. “Damn, where are we?”
“Am I the only one who is surprised?” I ask.
“Relax, Rita!”
Somehow it feels kinda good to have a blackout but without a bad hangover, something new for a change. I start digging in my memory to reconstruct last night’s events.
“All I remember is that we were sitting at the bar and you fed Stan with vodka to find out about my Satan-secret,” Kurt says.
“Did I find it out?”
“Nope!”
“Too bad…”
“At least as far as I remember,” Kurt goes on and scratches his head. “Do you?”
I shake my head.
“Good!” He grins and stares at the ocean. Suddenly his face lights up. “Hey, there was Jesus who tried to teach us the Electric Slide…”
Images appear in front of my inner eye. “Oh, yeah, then we wanted to run away from him and… did we run away?”
“No, we danced,” Kurt mutters ashamed. “Who’s Bruce?”
“I don’t know, why do you ask?”
“I think I talked to someone called Bruce.”
“I remember Bruce!” Stan blurts out excited. “He’s a doctor or something and first he was all nice. But then he became angry and suddenly he turned into that huge green guy and…”
Kurt reaches over me and slaps Stan. “That’s the incredible Hulk, idiot! It’s a comic book!”
Stan blushes. “Oh, right, I already started to wonder…”
Kurt shrugs his shoulders. “Well, guess we’ll never find out how we came here. But who cares? Why don’t we just enjoy this beautiful sunrise!” He nods at the horizon and puts his arm around my shoulder.
I lean my head against him and watch the colourful sky.
“And who hugs me?” Stan pouts next to us.
I sigh and pat on the sand next to me. “Scootch over!”
Stan moves closer and wraps his arm around my waist. For a while we keep sitting there staring at the sun. I’ve never been at a beach that early in the morning before.
Suddenly I jump up. “Damn, we’re gonna be late for work!”
Kurt pulls me back down. “Don’t worry.”
“But it must be in the middle of the day in Helsinki already!”
“No one cares about coming to work on time the day after God’s birthday, even God sleeps in.”
“Oh, ok,” I answer. But somehow I can’t relax anymore and get up again. “I’m too curious to find out how Pauli’s date went, I’m going to his place now. I’ll see you later.” I bend down and kiss Kurt good bye.
“Have fun at work. And hands off Satan,” he adds grinning.
I wink at him. “The same goes for you!”
While beaming away I see him blush. Am I getting closer to his secret? I really need to find out about that!
I arrive at Pauli’s room. What I see make me turn away quickly. Holy shit, I wish I wouldn’t have come here!


33
"Now that was your shortest day of work ever I guess," Kurt says surprised when I appear at the beach again after only a few seconds.
Stan snickers. "Judging from the color of your ears I'd say your client's date is still going on, huh?"
I shiver and try to get the pictures out of my head. "That was like surprising your brother with his girlfriend or something."
"Or your parents," Kurt adds.
"Kurt, don't say something like this in my presence! Parents don't have sex!" I yell at him.
He laughs. "How do you think your parents made you?"
"Parents just have one time sex per kid, after that all they do together is playing monopoly and sleeping in the same bed," I answer with a serious voice.
"Yes, sure," Kurt smirks.
"Hey, in my little world that's the way it works," I pout. Parents having sex? Eeeew, no way!
Kurt pulls me closer and kisses me. "Guess that would change if you had kids."
"As I'm already dead I suppose that will never happen, right? Haven't seen any pregnant angels so far." I kiss him back.
"That's another one of heaven's advantages, no need to waste your time with worrying about pregnancy or STDs."
"But what if someone really wants to be a parents? Guess then heaven would be their personal hell as well."
"Then you just have to fill in all the adoption forms and wait for the next available kid," Stan explains. "What do you think happens with all the dead babies?"
Alright, that makes sense... somehow.
Talking about making babies... having Kurt close to me, placing little kisses on my neck is giving me some ideas.
"Stan, don't you have to go to work today?" I ask inconspicuously.
He stretches his arms and looks at the ocean. "No, still have enough time. What do you guys think about a little bit of swimming?"
"I don't feel like getting wet," Kurt replies and winks at me. "At least not through swimming," he whispers into my ear.
Guess he has understood what I'm talking about. Stan hasn't.
"Oh, come on, don't be so lazy!" Stan complains.
"Stan, I really think you should be at my mom's place right now."
"Why? She's probably still sleeping."
"But I don't want her to be alone!"
"Don't worry, she's doing a lot better lately."
I sigh. "Then why don't you go get some breakfast?"
"I'm not hungry! Come on, let's swim!" He turns towards us. When he realizes that Kurt is about to bite into my earlobe he rolls his eyes. "Ok, ok, I get it. I'm not longer wanted around here." He gets up. "Gonna go and take another nap." He waves and beams away.
"Sometimes I get the impression that he's a little bit slow."
Kurt laughs. "Sometimes?"
"Hey, he's your friend! Are you talking like this about me, too behind my back?"
Kurt nods seriously. "Of course, I tell everyone how much of a trouble maker you are!"
I jump on his lap and tickle him. "You do what?"
"No! Stop it!" Kurt winces and screams.
"Now that was a girly yell!" I grin and tickle him some more. "You tell them what?"
"That you are a wonderful and adorable person?"
"Better!" I bend down and kiss him.
Kurt strokes a strand out of my face. "Have you ever had sex on the beach?"
"Other than the cocktail? No but I guess there's a first time for everything!"
Just in that second Kurt's pager beeps. He reads the message and sighs.
"Sorry, I gotta go. It's Britney."
Oh, great. Not that she only annoys the world with her music, she also disturbs my private life. That sucks!
"Oh, come on, ignore it!"
Kurt gets up. "I can't."
"But what am I supposed to do now?" I whine.
"Go to work, too?"
"I don't really feel like watching some live porn!"
"I'm sure not all the other guys in the band are having sex at the moment."
He kisses me good bye and smile. "See you later!" Then he disappears.
Alright, let's see what Lauri and Annemarie are doing...
Uuoooaahhh... gotta get out of here quickly! At least no hamsters were involved.
I hope Eero is not... eew, eew, eew, thanks for showing me that parents still have sex.
Hope Aki's not... stupid me, how could I expect that Aki doesn't have, talks or thinks about sex?
How come everyone's getting lucky right now, except for me? Life's not fair and death isn't either! What am I supposed to do now? Make sure they all wear condoms? Hope that doesn't belong to my tasks as a GA.
I beam myself to O'Reilley's to see what Sean's doing. As he's the only fairy around I don't think I'm interrupting anything.
He's sitting at the bar with Ville who's drinking coffee.
"What a night," Ville mumbles.
"What a night," Sean repeats.
"I really wonder how we got home."
"We drove."
Ville stares at Sean. "Are you telling me that I still drove a car after having all these drinks?"
"Of course not!"
Ville gasps. "Do you mean... you drove?"
Sean sighs. "How should I reach the pedals? I only remember I was sitting on a car's backseat. And so were you."
"Good," Ville mutters relieved. He stirs his coffee, all lost in his thoughts.
"What's up? You don't seem to be very happy," Sean asks.
Ville shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know. It's just... something's wrong." He swallows. "I think I lost my influence on women."
"What makes you think that?" Sean wonders.
"Didn't you realize it? Even all the little Rasmusses hooked up with girls. All I got were weird looks!"
Sean flaps his wings and lands on Ville's shoulder. "Dude, I don't really know how to tell you this now... but have you ever thought about that not everyone thinks it's normal to see or talk to fairies? Maybe you shouldn't tell everyone about me."
"Do you think... they think I'm crazy?"
"Maybe... just a little bit," Sean replies carefully.
"But you are real! I mean, I'm just drinking coffee and you're still here!"
Sean rolls his eyes. "Of course I'm real! Listen, just stop telling everyone about me, alright?" Suddenly he sees me standing in the background and waves. "Time for me to care about some fairy business. I'll see you later."
He flies over to me and sits down on my shoulder. "Hey, Rita! How was God's birthday? Did anything exciting happen?"
I found out that Jesus is a drag queen, got drunk, had a fight with Kurt, slept with Satan, got back together with Kurt, can't remember the rest of the night and woke up at a beach but besides that? "Not much. Who told you about that party?"
"Hey, everyone knows about it in the non-human world! And everyone wants to go there but only heaven-people are allowed to come."
Well, some are from hell, too.
"Lucky you, I always wanted to go to one of her parties. I heard they usually end up pretty wild!" He winks at me.
I shrug my shoulders. "If only I could remember."
He pushes his elbow playfully into my cheek and laughs. "That's my girl!"
"From what I heard your night hasn't been that bad either, huh?"
"If only I could remember! Too bad that fairies still get hangovers. Hey, I saw Pauli and Maya at the party yesterday. Looks like it's going pretty well between them."
"Oh, yeah, I've just witnessed how well it's going like half an hour ago," I mutter and look through the window.
Suddenly I see Maya walking past.
"Hey, let's follow her and find out what she thinks about Pauli!"
I beam us into the bookstore. When Maya enters the shop, Johan, her cousin, looks up from the book he has been reading before.
"You're late!"
"Hello to you, too!" She smiles at him.
"Where's this good mood coming from?" Johan asks surprised.
"I just came back from my date."
"The date from last night? Oho!" Johan grins. "Guess that means it went well!"
Maya nods. "Pauli is a really nice guy, I like him a lot."
"So you're gonna see him again?"
"Sure," she replies and goes to the room in the back. She sits down at the desk and opens some folders. Then she shouts over to Johan. "Hey, do you know a band called The Rasmus?"
Johan sticks his head through the door. "The Rasmus? Are you kidding me? Who doesn't know them? It's one of the most famous and successful Finnish bands worldwide!"
"Really?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Cause Pauli is their guitar player."
Johan stares at Maya with his mouth open. "Are you telling me you're dating Pauli from The Rasmus?"
She nods.
"Wow. Hope he's not the typical rock star guy who tries to hook up with as many women as possible."
"No, I don't think so. He's really nice and polite and actually quite shy sometimes."
Johan smiles at her. "Ok, just promise me to be careful, ok?"
"I'm old enough to take care of myself, Johan, don't worry!" She bends down over her folders an skips a few pages.
Johan goes back to the counter. Stupid guy, how can you think my sweet Pauli is a mean rock star dude? Of course he's not playing with Maya!
Guess now that Maya's here, Pauli and the other ones will be at the studio.
"Ready for another boring day at the recording studio?" I ask Sean.
"No, thanks," he replies and gets off my shoulder. "I'm gonna take a nap at the pub instead."
"Ok, see you later!"
I beam myself to the studio. Everyone is in a good mood, all the guys have huge smiles on their faces.
Damn Britney Spears! I wanna have that smile on my face now, too!
They are recording Lauri's voice at the moment. Eero lets himself fall next to Pauli on a sofa.
"So, how did your date with Maya go?"
"Well, we had dinner and then we went to that party..."
"I know. I was there, too, remember? Nah, you had only eyes for Maya, so I guess you don't," Eero grins.
Pauli blushes. "Of course I remember that!"
"So?"
"We went to my place after the party and... she left like half an hour ago."
Eero laughs. "And I guess that's about all the details you're gonna tell me."
Pauli smiles. "Yep."
Eero pats his shoulder. "Dude, that just shows me that this might be something serious."
Pauli sighs happily. "You know what? I think I'm falling in love. And this time it really feels like the right thing."


34
The last two weeks have been frustratingly boring. The band has been working at the studio almost all the time. So did Britney which means that Kurt has hell of a job to do. And because of the time difference Kurt and I have hardly seen each other, just a few minutes every few days. I neither had time to talk to him properly, nor to find out about his Satan-secret... not to mention that nothing more than some quick kisses have happened between us yet. Maybe I should visit him at Britney's and make him skip work for a few hours...
Today is the last day of The Rasmus' recording. They are sitting at O'Reilley's having lunch. Sean's on tour with Ville and Him.
"I can't believe we're done with recording," Aki says and stuffs the last bite of food in his mouth. "That waf pfretty faft thif time."
"Well, there's still the final mixing left," Eero replies. "But it's really exciting to know that the new album is going to be released next month."
Pauli sighs. "And we still haven't found an album title."
Lauri frowns. "Well, it's not like I haven't suggested any."
"Alright, let me correct myself. We still haven't found a title that we all like and that, at least, makes a little bit sense."
"Who says it has to make sense?" Aki asks.
"Just imagine all the stupid questions from journalists we'll get if we take a weird name," Pauli explains.
Lauri shrugs his shoulders. "They'll ask anyway. I mean, what about 'dead letters'? That was a good name but still everyone wanted to know why we chose it."
"Yeah, maybe we should just pick something completely random, so we can make up new explanations every time they ask us about it," Aki laughs.
"Why don't we just stick a finger into a dictionary and take the first word we're pointing at?"
"Great idea, Lauri, what if the word is 'chimney sweeper' or 'sausage' or something like that?" Eero wants to know and rolls his eyes.
"Come on, why don't we give it a try?" Lauri complains and starts digging in his backpack. Then he pulls out a huge dictionary.
I really wonder why he always carries around some random stuff like hamster clothes, carrots or dictionaries.
He passes the book to Aki. "You go first."
Aki closes his eyes and sticks his finger between the pages. "Genitive. I don't know, doesn't sound too good." Then he laughs. "Lucky us, the word right above this one would have been 'genitals'!"
Pauli grins. "I can already see all the press guys. Lauri, can you explain to us why you're new album is called 'genitals'?"
"Cause that's our favorite body parts!" Lauri explains with a serious voice. Then he picks a word. "Snowball."
Eero laughs. "Do you guys remember the movie 'Clerks'? When they explain how to 'snowball' someone?"
Lauri blushes. "Guess that's not a good word either."
"My turn." Pauli takes the book. "Frustration." He sighs and mutters while pushing the book over to Eero. "This is frustrating indeed."
"Scorcher," Eero says.
"I don't even know what that is," Lauri states.
"A. a very hot day and b. something very exciting, angry, fast, powerful etc.," Eero reads out loud.
"Hey, I like the second meaning of the word!" Lauri replies.
"Dude, that sounds like we're a speed metal band or something," Aki complains and leans back. "Ok, the dictionary idea sucked. What now?"
Lauri pouts. "Come on, let's give it one more try!" He strokes up and down the side of the book with his finger like he's not sure where to stop.
"Hey, no cheating! Close your eyes!" Aki protests.
Maybe they need some heavenly help? Though I doubt that I have better luck... I place my hand on Lauri's and try to guide his finger. Lauri opens the dictionary where I make him and points blindly at a word. "Northern lights."
"Hey, that's not bad!" Eero smiles.
"Yeah, I like it. I mean it kinda fits, doesn't it? It's something typically for Finland and it's beautiful and kinda mysterious," Pauli adds.
Lauri knits his eyebrows. "Oh, you mean we are beautiful, mysterious and from Finland? I'm not really sure."
"I like the sound of it," Aki says.
"Northern lights, northern lights, northern lights," Lauri mutters a few times. "Actually, yeah, why not?"
"And you can tell the journalists something like, I don't know, we saw northern lights the night we finished the album," Eero suggests.
Wow, seems like I could finally do something for the band after being their guardian angel for a while. So it's gonna be 'northern lights'? Definitely better than 'Rock 'n Roll Hamsters'!
Lauri waves at the waitress. "Three beers and one ginger ale!" He grins at the other guys. "We gotta celebrate that! Why don't we meet tonight and have a little party outside? Maybe we'll really see some northern lights, who knows?"
"I can't, I've invited Maya over for dinner tonight," Pauli excuses himself.
Aki wiggles his eyebrows and grins. "Aw, you two lovebirds! Should I start thinking about a wedding present yet?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy, dude! We've only been dating since a few weeks!"
"But?" Aki moves closer and watches Pauli's face."
"But what?" Pauli asks and moves a bit into the opposite direction. "And stop looking at me like this!"
"You like her... a lot!"
Pauli blushes and starts playing with his fingernails. "I think I love her."
An unison choir of "aaaaww"s comes from the other guys.
"That's just so cute!" Lauri smiles.
Pauli clears his throat. "Ok, now that we had that girly moment, can we talk about something manly?"
"Like what? Football, cars, peeing your name into snow?" Aki asks.
Eero takes a look at his watch. "We gotta hurry up, there's only twenty minutes left until the meeting with the management."
"Hope they not gonna present some kind of tight promotion schedule for the next few months," Pauli says and gets up.
"Don't worry, that won't start before the first single's gonna be released." Eero follows him to the exit. "And we still haven't chosen that one."
"Hope that's gonna be easier than picking a title," Aki mumbles.
"We should just flip a coin," Lauri suggests.
"Another one of your great ideas!" Aki rolls his eyes.
"Hey, the dictionary thing worked," Lauri pouts.
"Come on guys, hurry up!" Eero shouts over from the pub's front door.
Aki rolls his eyes again, then they follow the others.

Pauli’s rushing around in his little kitchen, preparing dinner for Maya. She’s not here yet. He’s stirring in pots, cuts vegetables in little pieces, tastes from one pot, checks the oven… I think I’ve never seen him moving that fast. I can feel his nervousness, his excitement. I try to read his mind but all he is thinking is “I hope she likes it, I hope she likes it, I hope she likes it.”
Dumbass, of course she will like that! I would love it if someone cooked something like this for me! Calm down, everything will be just fine!
Suddenly Pauli stops moving around and sighs. “Done. All I can do now is wait.”
He keeps stirring in one of the pots and stares at his watch. “Damn, I’m fifteen minutes early,” he mutters.
I hug him to spread some guardian angel comfort over him. And then I can feel it. He really loves her! His whole body and mind is filled with so much love for Maya that it almost hurts. Well, hurt in a good way… Wow, I think I’ve never experienced such a feeling of happiness as the one I’m feeling from Pauli right now.
Woohoo, so who’s the best GA now? Huh? Me! Cause I hooked them up! I’d do a little victory right now if it didn’t look that stupid… hey, no one can see me, right?
While I jump around the kitchen with a few embarrassing movements, the door bell rings.
Pauli leaves the kitchen and opens the door. Of course it’s Maya.
She smiles and softly kisses him on the lips. “Sorry, I’m early!”
“You’re just in time, I was done early with cooking, too.”
Aaaww, they even match with their earliness…
Pauli guides her to the table that’s nicely decorated with white china and candles and pours some red vine into the glasses.
Maya raises her glass. “Cheers! To a wonderful evening!”
“To a wonderful woman,” Pauli replies.
Maya laughs. “To a wonderful man and a wonderful cook!”
“Maybe you better wait until later to see if you survived my food before you call me a wonderful cook,” Pauli grins.
Maya pretends to be shocked. “Did you put something into the food? You know, don’t have to poison me the make me stay overnight!” She winks.
“Oh, damn, if I had known that earlier I wouldn’t have mixed the drugs into the soup. Well, if you’re feeling dizzy later on, you know what’s the reason for it.”
Maya laughs and takes his hand that’s lying on the table. “I love your sense of humour!”
“And I love you,” Pauli replies.
Maya looks at him without saying a word. Whoa, guess that was the first time he has said that to her. I can feel his nervousness rising again. Come on, girl, tell him that you love him, too! Don’t make him wait that long!
She slowly bends over the table and kisses Pauli. Then she smiles at him.
“I love you, too!”
Phew, good girl! I can feel Pauli calming down again. He pulls a little black box out of his pocket and places it on the table right in front of Maya.
“Oh, is that for me?” She asks surprised.
Pauli nods.
Maya opens the box. I peek over her shoulder to see what it is. It’s a silver bracelet, made out of filigree silver flowers. Maya wraps it around her wrist. “It’s beautiful!”
“Let me help you,” Pauli says and closes the little clasp. “You know, I wanted to give you some flowers but they’d wither. So I chose these cause they will stay like this forever.”
She smiles and kisses him again. “Just like our love,” she whispers.
Aww, all this is so sweet, it almost makes my teeth hurt… Hey, my pager vibrates! Maybe Kurt… no, it’s just Sean.
“I’m back, what’s going on tonight?”
Pauli has just disappeared into the kitchen, Maya is admiring her new bracelet in the light of the candles. Guess I can leave them without any bricks of conscience.
“Sean!” I shout out loud to beam myself where he is.
I find him and Ville at Ville’s house. I wave at Sean, he waves back.
“Gotta go to the bathroom,” he says, flies towards me and pulls me next door.
“Sean, don’t you think you should stop hanging around with Ville? I mean, sooner or later he will think he’s insane or something, spending all his time with a fairy!”
Sean shrugs his shoulder. “Nah, he thinks that it has to do something with his magical heritage that can see me.”
“Than make him at least leave the house and meet some other people. I don’t think it’s too good for him to spent all his time just with you.”
“Ok, I’ll try,” Sean mutters and flies back to Ville.
“So, what’s going on tonight?”
“Let’s watch a movie and have some beer at my place,” Ville suggests tiredly.
“Oh, come on, I don’t wanna stay at home. There’s so much we could do!”
“Like what?”
“We can go bowling… or dancing… or swimming… or…”
“Dude,” Ville interrupts him, “you just sounded like a tampon commercial! I don’t really feel like leaving the house.”
“You’re quite boring for being a rockstar!” Sean complains.
Ville frowns. “I’m not boring, I’m full of great ideas!”
“For example?”
“Have you ever lit up a fart? That’s fun!”
“The flame of your lighter is a big as my arm, do you really think I let you come close with it to my ass? Come on, look at you! You just seriously suggested to light up farts as an evening activity! Get your lazy ass up, we’re going to a party!”
Ville sighs but gets up. “What party?”
Sean shrugs his shoulders. “How should I know, it’s your city! Don’t worry, we’ll find something!”
I follow them downtown though I’m not really sure if it’s too exciting watching other people getting drunk. While walking around Ville makes a few phone calls.
“Alright, there’s a party at a friend’s place, let’s go there,” he says after hanging up.
I really don’t know why I’m still going with them, it’s a small house but it’s stuck with hundreds of people, the air is smoky, the music sucks, I can’t drink… maybe I should just leave and try to distract Kurt from work… Britney’s music will suck anyway.
Ville goes to the bar and orders a drink. Suddenly he’s surrounded by a very drunk Aki and an equally drunk Lauri.
“Valo, back from tour?” Aki asks.
Ville rolls his eyes. “No, Ville is still on tour, I’m his evil twin.”
Lauri giggles. “Ooohooohooo, beware of evil Ville!”
“Isn’t it bedtime for you kids? Go home and let the grown-ups have a party,” Ville mutters annoyed.
Aki quickly licks his finger, then he sticks it into Ville’s left ear.
“Eeww!” Ville screams and turns to Aki.
Lauri repeats the same thing on the other side.
“Goddammit, Ylönen, how old are you? Five?” Ville shouts at him angrily.
Aki and Lauri burst into laughter. Aki pats Ville’s shoulder.
“Relax, dude, don’t you like Wet Willies?”
Ville’s eyes sparkle furiously. “No, and I guess you don’t like cut off willies!”
Aki backs up and gives him a shocked look.
“Ey, are you threatening my buddy’s balls?” Lauri yells and steps forward with raised fists.
Ville shrugs his shoulders. “Well, actually I just threatened his d.ick, not his balls. Now leaves me alone!”
Aki frowns and pulls Lauri to the side. “I’d say we leave him alone for a while. I’m not ready to loose my…” He shivers. “I mean, he talks to fairies, guess that qualifies him as being insane enough to cut someone’s d.ick off as well!”
“Hey, I heard that!” Ville complains from the back. “I’m not insane, Sean really exists!”
Aki rolls his eyes. “Yes, sure.”
“Are you trying to tell me I’m crazy?” Ville asks angrily.
“No, no, don’t worry, you’re completely normal!” Aki replies quickly.
“Except for your imaginary fairy friend,” Lauri chuckles.
“Why don’t we discuss that out? Outside!” Ville shouts furiously.
Oh, oh, guess I better stay here for a while to make sure no body parts are cut off.


35
“Outside? Are you scared that all the people in here will witness your defeat?” Aki grins.
“Defeat? You really think you kids have a chance against me?” Ville asks laughing. “Do you…”
A handful of pudding lands in his face and interrupts him. Ville turns into the direction the missile has come from with an expression of shock and anger in his face.
Lauri is standing next to the buffet, his hand is sticking in a pudding bowl reaching for more.
“Don’t you dare!” Ville hisses with furiously sparkling eyes.
But Lauri doesn’t care. Only a second later a food fight between Lauri, Ville and Aki is going on.
No one tries to separate them, all the other people just hide to not get hit by the flying food.
Sean lands on my shoulder. “Oh boy, these guys are insane.”
“Can’t you make at least Ville stop this mayhem?”
He raises his hands. “Hey, your guys started! That’s none of my business. You’re their GA!”
I sigh. “Well, it’s not like they get hurt or something, right? I guess they’ll stop anyway when all the food is spread in the room.”
So I lean back and watch them until a woman runs in screaming. “What the fuck are you doing? You’re supposed to eat this stuff and not use it for your childish rivalry! You’re such idiots!”
The three guys stop moving and stare at her with sheepish looks on their faces.
“You’re so gonna clean this mess up!” She yells at them. “Get the fuck out of here! I’m gonna wait for you tomorrow morning at ten! And bring cleaning things!”
Then she rushes out of the room and leaves some very ashamed looking guys.
“Great,” Ville mumbles angrily, “now I have to see you dorks again tomorrow!”
“Oh, you’re disappointing me! Don’t you know that we love to hang around with you?” Aki asks sarcastically.
Ville just rolls his eyes and lights up a cigarette. Suddenly Lauri grabs Ville’s face and licks across his cheek.
“Eeewww, Ylönen! What the fuck is wrong with you?” Ville screams disgusted and shoves Lauri away.
He just grins. “Didn’t wanna waste the pudding!”
Aki bursts into laughter, grabs Lauri’s arm and pulls him towards the exit. “We better leave before you start licking other parts of Ville.”
“Don’t worry, I’m full now,” Lauri replies. “Though it was pretty tasty!” He adds in his thoughts.
What? Did he just really mean this? Is he the one who fancies Ville’s ass? Whoa! I follow them around for a while, hoping to find out more about that but Lauri thinks just about how to get another beer. But they don’t get into another bar cause of their messy appearance, so they both decide to go home. Damn.
I beam myself to heaven. Kurt is still at Britney’s but I don’t feel like staying in my room all alone. Then I remember that God has told me about Jesus’ gay bar. Gonna check it out now.
The first thing I see when I enter the Rainbow Room is Jesus on stage. This time he’s impersonating Madonna. Old school style. He’s rolling around on the floor, singing into his microphone.
“Like a virgin, whoo…”
Ha, if my grandma knew about the real Jesus, I think she would faint. But wait, she’s dead, too, so I guess she already knows.
I sit down at the bar and wave at the bartender to order a drink. A very well-built topless man in tight leather pants smiles at me. “Hi, what can I get you?”
How come gay guys mostly look gorgeous? How unfair! “What can you recommend?”
“I suggest a Pink Power Punch.”
What ever that is, somehow I think Pauli would like it. “Sure!”
A few minutes later he places a huge glass in front of me. It’s filled with a bright pink liquid and it’s decorated with all kind of fruits and a glittering umbrella. I carefully take a sip through the straw and really, it taste good.
“Hey, Rita!” Someone sits down next to me.
“Stan? What are you doing here?” I ask surprised.
“Having a drink. What did you think?” He asks confused.
“Well, I was just wondering. I wouldn’t have expected to meet you… here.”
He laughs. “I could ask you the same thing! I just come for the cocktails, they make the best ones of heaven here. And you gotta admit, seeing Jesus like this is priceless.”
“You got a point with that.” Whoa, that drink is really strong!
We sit together and talk for a while. Suddenly I remember something. And now that Stan already seems quite drunk, I think this is the right time to ask him.
“Staa-aaan?” I ask and give him the puppy-eyes look. “I know you know about Kurt’s secret with Satan. Please, please, please, tell me about it!” I add another whined “please”.
Stan grins. “No way!”
“Why not?”
“Cause Kurt’s my friend.”
“But I’m not gonna tell him that you told me!”
“Nope.”
“Please!”
“No.”
“But…”
“No! Forget it!”
“Forget what?”
I turn around. Kurt is standing behind us.
“Speaking of the devil,” Stan laughs.
The devil? Wait. I take a good look into Kurt’s eyes. Nope, no devil. I bend forward and kiss him.
“What were you guys talking about?” Kurt waves at the bartender and sighs. “That Britney chick is killing me! Gotta get drunk! Now!”
“Nothing important,” I mumble. This is my chance! Come on, Kurt! Get drunk quickly! Haha, someone’s gonna find out about your Satan-secret tonight!
We stay at the bar for another hour. After a few Pink Power Punches Kurt starts to have problems sitting straight.
“Honey, I think it’s time to go home,” I tell him.
Kurt wiggles his eyebrows. “Just you and me? Sounds good!”
Stan sighs. “Just leave me here all alone!”
“Don’t be sad, I think the bartender likes you!” I grin.
Stan shivers. “Though I’m flattered, I think I’ll pass. Gonna go to bed, too.”
“Alright, see ya!”
I take Kurt’s hand and beam us to my room. Kurt lets himself drop on my bed and pulls me with him. Softly kissing my neck he whispers into my ear. “I have a really good idea bout how to end this evening!”
I back up a little. “Baby, do you really think you’re still able to do what you’re planning to?” I look at his lap and grin. “I’m afraid you have to sober up a bit first.”
Kurt pouts. “Are you doubting my…”
“Kurt, you’re hardly able to stand straight and I just doubt that anything else of you is still able to stand.” I kiss him on his lips. “But while we’re waiting for you to recover, we can do something else.”
Kurt gives me a cheeky grin and lets his hand slip under my shirt. “And what would that be?”
“Talking.”
He stares at me. “You’re kidding, right?”
I shake my head. He lets himself fall on his back and sighs with closed eyes. “Why do women always wanna talk?”
I lay down next to him and draw little patterns on his chest. “Come on, we hardly had any time to talk during the last weeks.”
“M-hm.”
“Don’t you think we should get to know us a little bit better?”
“M-hm.”
“I mean, there’s so much I don’t know about you yet.”
“M-hm.”
“Like what is your favourite colour?”
“Green.”
“And what is your favourite band at the moment?”
“Anything but Britney.”
“Did you ever play pranks on your teachers in school?”
Kurt just breathes steadily. I poke him.
“Hey, are you sleeping?”
“What? Ehrm, no. What did you ask?”
“If you ever played pranks on your teachers in school.”
“I once glued my maths teacher to her chair.”
“Really?”
“M-hm.”
“Was she mad?”
“M-hm.”
“You once said that you couldn’t always resist Satan’s offers.”
“M-hm.”
“What did you do?”
“Rita, do you really think I’m not realizing what you’re trying to do?”
Damn.
“What am I trying?”
“I’m not gonna tell you about what happened with Satan.”
I roll myself on top of him. “Oh, come on, please! You know, if you don’t tell me I have to assume that he did the same to you than he did to me!”
Kurt opens his eyes and stares at me. I grin. “So?”
“It’s too embarrassing,” he mutters ashamed.
I kiss him gently. “But you’re gonna get a reward if you tell me!”
Kurt frowns disappointed. “Don’t I get that reward anyway?”
“Not tonight.”
Kurt sighs and sits up. “Ok, but you gotta promise not to laugh or tease me with it.”
I hug him from behind. “Promise.”
“It happened during my first months at heaven. God had made me come here instead of hell and Satan was pissed cause actually you’re supposed to go to hell when you’ve committed suicide. And he hates the fact that God got almost all the good musicians. You know, she wants them to work as muses but Satan wants them so they can make artists on earth sell their souls to become famous. So he started to offer me a great life in hell and all that stuff but I told him to fuck off. Satan became more and more pissed and then one day he started to use his power to annoy me, like if I didn’t take his offer he wanted at least make my life at heaven hell. You know what it’s like when he makes you do things you don’t wanna do, right? It happened at the opening party of the Rainbow Room. First he talked me into wearing women’s clothes. He said something like, all rockstars do that, like Ozzy Osbourne and Iggy Pop both got arrested for being drunk in public when wearing dresses. I told him that I had worn dresses before, even in a video, so he used that to make me think it’s normal. Well, to make a long story short, he used his power to make me fancy Jesus. I flirted with him all night long and in the end we made out a bit. Only kissing, though,” he adds quickly. “And Satan took photos of it. Me wearing lots of make-up and a long green satin evening gown and Jesus being dressed like that girl in the Flashdance-movie.” He sighs. “Luckily God got the pictures and negatives and locked them in the safe in her office.”
“Do you think she’ll show them to me if I ask?” I grin.
“Hey, you promised…”
“I didn’t laugh!”
“But almost.”
I try to make a serious face. “See, not the slightest sign of a laugh on my lips! Come on, that wasn’t too embarrassing!”
“That’s easy for you to say as it didn’t happen to you,” Kurt pouts and lies back down on the bed.
“Oh, poor little you!” I mumble and cuddle up next to him.
“Yeah, poor me,” he whines weakly and closes his eyes.
I get up. “I’ll be right back,” I tell him and go to the bathroom. When I come back he’s sleeping tightly.
I poke him. “Hey, you can’t sleep now!”
But whatever I try, he doesn’t wake up. Damn Pink Power Punches!

When I wake up the next morning he’s already gone. A piece of paper is lying on the bedside table.
“Morning sunshine! Had to go back to Britney. Hope you haven’t forgotten about the reward you promised me last night. See you later!”
Well, actually I wanted to give you that reward last night but you preferred to sleep! At least I have something to look forward to now.
I shout for the blue door to go to Pauli’s place but he isn’t at home. There’s still some food from last night standing on the table. Looks like they left right in the middle of dinner. I yell his name to beam myself to where he is now.
What’s that? This looks like a hospital. Damn, hope he’s alright! I find him standing in front of a vending machine, waiting for coffee to be poured into a plastic cup. I read his mind to find out what has happened but all he thinks is “Why don’t they sell M&Ms in here?”
Can’t be too bad if he isn’t worrying about something more serious.
Suddenly Aki comes walking down the hall.
“Are you ready? It’s almost ten, I gotta hurry up,” he says.
Pauli nods. “Yeah. Thanks for picking me up!”
The walk towards the exit together.
“So what happened?” Aki wants to know.
“I cooked for Maya last night and I mixed some pineapple into the food. Didn’t know Maya is allergic to pineapples. Her throat got all swollen and she wasn’t able to breathe properly so we had to come here. But she got some injections and is fine now, she can go home this afternoon.”
“Oh, ok.”
“So why are you in such a hurry? Where do you have to go?”
“Gotta clean some girls apartment.”
“What happened?” Pauli asks surprised.
Aki just rolls his eyes and sighs. “Don’t ask.”


36
"Morning, Pauli! Poisoned your girlfriend lately?"
"Do you see my laughing, Aki?"
"Ehrm... nope."
"So that means?"
"That it wasn't funny?" Aki asks and rolls his eyes. "What's wrong with you, man? Didn't you sleep well?"
"No, it's just too early to pretend that your jokes are funny," Pauli mumbles and leans back into the passengers seat of Aki's car.
Aki stares at him with his mouth open. "Do you wanna tell me that you always just pretend that you're laughing about my jokes?"
Pauli giggles. "Damn, Aki, you're just to easy to kid. And now hurry up. Lauri's probably already waiting."
Aki starts the engine and drives on. After a while of silence Aki turns to Pauli again.
"But some of my jokes ARE funny, right?"
"Aki, you're one of the funniest people I know. Even though I'm not sure if all the things I laugh about are meant to be funny. So, relax!"
"Ok."
They drive on without talking for a while. Pauli is dozing away.
"So, was Maya mad at you for trying to poison her with pineapples?"
Pauli, disturbed in his nap, shrugs up and rubs his eyes. "What did you say?"
"If Maya was angry at you for getting her into hospital with your cooking."
"No. Actually she thought it was kinda funny cause we were talking about poisoning each other just a short time before it happened."
Aki knits his eyebrows. "You have weird things to talk about with your girlfriend."
Pauli smirks. "Well, we were... what ever." He looks through the window. "Guess we're not late. Lauri's still in his house."
Aki honks a few times.
After waiting unsuccessfully a couple of minutes they decide to get out of the car and ring the bell. Lauri opens the door with a concerned expression on his face.
"What's wrong?" Pauli asks.
Lauri leads them into his apartment. "I think there's something wrong with Annemarie."
They gather around the hamster cage. I peak over Pauli's shoulder to see what's going. Annemarie is lying in a corner, eyes closed, not moving at all.
"Is she dead?" Aki whispers. Then he gasps. "Lauri, did you kill another pet again?"
"No!" Lauri yells shocked. "I didn't do anything at all!"
"Maybe that's the problem! Did you feed her?" Aki wants to know.
"Of course I did," Lauri defends himself.
Pauli softly pokes Annemarie into her belly. She looks at him, shrieks a few complaints, turns to the other side and shuts her eyes again. "She's not dead. She's just sleeping."
"Ha! See? I didn't kill her!" Lauri states proudly.
"Yeah, but she doesn't look too good either," Aki mutters.
Lauri sighs. I know. All she does lately is sleeping and eating. She doesn't even run in her hamster wheel. That was her favourite hobby, so I guess it must be something serious."
"What ever it is, you gotta worry about it later, they are waiting for us in the office," Pauli says while looking at his watch.
"Can't I..."
"No, Lauri, you know the rule! No pets allowed at the office or the studio!"
Lauri rolls his eyes. "Yeah, but no one complains if Eero brings his kid. Where's the difference?"
"Kids don't pee on mixing consoles!"
"Just cause they wear diapers. If I put..."
"Oh, please, don't tell me you have tiny hamster diapers, Lauri!"
"No," Lauri mumbles and takes a last look a t Annemarie. "Bye, bye, sweetie!"
"Hey, don't you think she's fatter than she used to be?" Aki asks while leaving the apartment.
"Ey! No need to insult my hamster! She's just a bit chubby," Lauri snaps at him.
Oh, come on, guys! Seriously, is it that hard to get?
A hamster girl that has shared a cage with a hamster boy, well, a fairy turned into a hamster, a few weeks ago, is now only eating, sleeping and getting fatter... go figure! Guess, Sean's gonna be a daddy soon.
Wonder how long it will take the guys till they get it. Probably not until a bunch of tiny hamster babies is popping out of Annemarie...
Aki, Lauri and Pauli arrive at the office. Eero and some people from their management are already waiting.
"See, he's allowed to bring his kid," Lauri mutters and points at a little boy that's sitting in a corner of the room, drawing on some sheets of paper.
"Oh, just shut up," Pauli replies and sits down on the large office table.
"Ok, take your seats, everyone. We have to talk about the further schedule," one of the management guys says.
I sit down on the window sill. They talk about the new record and that there's a delay in the post production so it's gonna be released later than planned. The guys don't seem to be too upset about it. Pauli even thinks "Good, some more weeks to spend with Maya before the promotion starts."
All this business talk is pretty boring so I lean back and watch some birds fighting for something that looks like a piece of an old hamburger bun. Suddenly I hear Lauri giggle.
"Don't know what's worse, a peeing pet or a kid that draws all over the walls," he whispers to Pauli.
"Ehrm, Eero, your son is..."
Eero gets up before Pauli can finish his sentence. He walks over to the kid and picks it up.
"You can't do that, Aleksi. Come sit with us at the table and draw a nice picture on a piece of paper."
He makes Aleksi sit on his lap. Only a few moments later the little boy has painted all over some papers that look like Eero's promotion schedule.
"Mo paper," he laughs and starts ripping some sheets out of a filofax that's lying next to him.
One of the management guys quickly hands a notepad to Aleksi. "Here, now you can paint lots of pictures!"
"Hey, Rita!"
"Sean, what are you doing here?" I ask the little fairy surprised.
"Was hanging out with Ville. And as they have their office in the same building I thought I'd see if you're here, too. Must be my lucky day!"
I grin at him. "Well, then, I know something you don't know yet... though I'm not sure if it's good or bad news for you."
Sean turns slightly pale. "What ever it is... I didn't do it on purpose, I swear!"
Hm, interesting. "Is there something you wanna tell me, Sean?"
"Well, you know, these bras were so huge and when the girl... wait, are you shitting me? Are you trying to make me tell you things you don't know yet?" Sean asks with raised eyebrows.
I laugh. "Well, kind of. But there's still some news for you."
"What is it?"
"Are you someone who dreams of having a big family?"
"Of course, I'm an Irish fairy! I myself have twelve brothers and sisters!"
"Guess then it's time to say congratulations!"
Sean looks at me with big eyes. "What do you mean?"
"You're gonna be the proud father of I don't know, maybe half a dozen, cute little hairy babies!"
Sean gulps. "But I didn't... oh." He blushes. "With hairy you also mean four-legged, right?"
I nod.
"But... I... I mean... I'm too young to..."
"How old are you anyway?"
"85...but that's only like being in your early twenties when you're a fairy... a father... holy shit...I really don't know..." he stutters shocked.
"Relax, dude. I'm sure Annemarie is not the kind of girl that complains if she has to raise her kids all alone."
"Excuse me, I gotta go to the pub and have a whiskey or something." And off he is.
Guess that was a little bit too much for a little guy like him. I turn my attention back on the band. Aleksi slides of Eero's lap and runs to Lauri, waving with a sheet of paper.
"Uncle Laui, made you picture!" He laughs proudly and hands the drawing to Lauri.
"My name's Lauri. Laurrrrrrrri, get it," he tells the kid and looks at the paper. "Oh, thanks, you drew me a.... a... bunch of dogs?" He asks insecurely.
"No dog!" Aleksi pouts and climbs on Lauri's lap. "The big one is uncle Pauli, this is uncle Aki, that's daddy and this is uncle Laui."
"I'm the small one? Thanks," he mutters. "Who's the fifth one? Is that you?"
"No!" Alkesi shakes his head. "That's the lady at the window!"
Whoa! Lady at the window?
"Leksi, there's no lady at the window! Do you mean your mommy?" Lauri asks surprised.
"No mommy! That lady," the child snickers and points at me. "Uncle Laui is blind!"
"Uncle Laurrrrrrrrri is not blind!" Lauri complains and looks at me.
My heart stops beating for a few seconds. Can they suddenly see me?
"Eero, did your son hang out with Ville lately? I think he's having an imaginary friend, too," Lauri sighs and puts Aleksi back on the floor. "Go back to daddy, Leksi!"
"Hi lady!" Aleksi shouts and waves at me.
Now everyone stares into my direction. Great.
"Ehrm, I think he's tired. Time to go home," Eero says. "Or is there anything else to discuss?"
Good, seems like they can't see me. But what's with Aleksi?
"No, that's it for today," one of the management people says. "Remember, it's Seppo's birthday party tonight. Hope you're all coming!"
"Of course we're coming, it's our manager's birthday!" Aki replies and gets up. "Anyone needs a lift home?"
Lauri shakes his head. "No, gonna go to get a book about hamsters. But why don't you ask the girl at the window, maybe she's coming with you," he smirks.
"Ha ha," Aki snorts sarcastically. "You know, there are enough real women in my life, I don't need an imaginary one!"
Ok, I think I should get back to heaven and find out what's wrong. I shout for the blue door and go back home. When I enter God's office I find Kurt sitting on the sofa.
"What are you doing here? No Britney today?" I ask and give him a little welcome kiss.
"He came along to complain and annoy his boss," God grins.
Kurt sighs and pulls me on his lap. "This week just sucks! We hardly saw each other during the last weeks and if then only for a few minutes. That fuckin' Britney just kills me. Well she would if I was still alive. No matter what I try, her music still sucks. I feel like she's sucking all my creativity out of my body and turns it into crap! And to top all that it was my deathday a few days ago. Not that I hate it anyway, reminding me every year how stupid I was when I was still alive, no, there's all kind of Nirvana documentaries on TV or in magazines that I can't avoid thinking about it."
"Oh, poor baby," I mumble and hug him.
"I just told him that I'm trying to make Britney give up the music. I think I pretty much talked her into becoming a mom and to take a break from the business. It just needs some time till she realizes that I'm telling her the right thing to do. Wonder what's taking her so long. For fuck's sake, I'm God, I'm always right! Right?"
"M-hm," Kurt and I just mumble vaguely.
"You gotta be strong, Kurt. You know what? I'm gonna try to find a substitute muse for the weekend, so you and Rita can spend some time together," God suggests.
"Hey, what about me? No substitute GA for me?" I ask.
"I'm sure you can keep your boys under control so it shouldn't be to bad if you just work half-time."
Keeping my Rasmusses under control? Good joke!
"I already have a great idea for how to spend the weekend," Kurt whispers into my ear.
I grin and wink at him. "It's about time!"
"Hey, kids, behave!" God interrupts Kurt who just wanted to kiss me. "Why did you come here anyways, Rita?"
Oh, right, I almost forgot about it. I tell God about Aleksi.
"That's nothing unusual. Some kids can see angels or other non-human beings. They just believe in anything they can see. When they grow older it stops cause they stop believing in stuff like that. So they can't see them anymore, too. But actually you should know about it as it's..."
"In the Rules of Heaven, I guess?" I finish her sentence.
God rolls her eyes. "Will you ever read the whole book?"
"Alright, ladies, gotta go back to my private hell," Kurt sighs and gets up. "Don't forget about our date at the weekend, Rita!"
Hell no! There's nothing that's gonna make me stay away from Kurt this weekend!

I'm at Seppo's birthday party. They have rented a whole restaurant, the place is packed with people. Even Eero and his wife are there, Pauli brought Maya. Aki and Lauri are sitting at the bar. Aki raises his beer bottle.
"To Annemarie! May her babies be healthy! Cheers!"
"Wow, I'm gonna be a hamster daddy soon! Maybe I should talk to Eero and ask what it was like for him when they got Aleksi," Lauri says and takes a big gulp from his drink.
Aki sighs. "Aren't you exaggerating your hamster-obsession a little bit? What's up with you? I remember the times when you focused more on the girls that were in the same room as you than on the hamster that is at your house!"
"Ok, ok, sorry," Lauri mutters. "Let's check out the girls. I'm drunk enough for that now." He puts the bottle on the bar and gets up. "Gotta go to the bathroom first."
I wait with Aki, I'm curious to see if famous rock musicians have better pick-up lines than the average guy. But as far as I know my guys by now, I'm pretty sure they don't.
Lauri returns. His face is pale.
"What's wrong? Feeling sick?" Aki asks surprised.
Lauri stares at him and takes deep breath. "Maya just tried to make a move on me!"
"What Maya?"
"Pauli's Maya!"
Aki laughs. "You wish!"
Lauri knits his brows. "What do you mean?"
"She's a gorgeous woman, you would give your left leg to make someone like her trying to hook up with you!"
"Hey, I had pretty girlfriends before, too!" Lauri complains. "And after all, of course I would not want her to make a move on me! She's Pauli's girlfriend! But seriously, she just did!"
Aki gives him a doubtful look. "Maybe she just asked you what time it is but you misunderstood her?"
"She stopped me in the hallway to the bathrooms, came really close, caressed my cheek and said 'If there's ever anything I can do for you, let me know!' Then she kissed me, winked at me and left. Come on, why should I make something like this up?"
"Maybe she meant something like doing your laundry or bringing you some books or..."
"Aki, I'm serious about that! Look, she did it like this." Lauri moves closer to Aki, softly strokes over his cheek and leans forward to whisper into his ear.
Aki backs up. "Alright, alright, I got it, no need to go further!" He looks around to see if someone has watched them. "Was she drunk?"
Lauri shakes his head.
Aki sighs.
"Holy shit, I think Maya's just playing with Pauli!"


37
What the fuck?! That can't be true! I've seen them together and they are just perfect for each other. Lauri just must be wrong! But then again, why should he make up something like this?
"What are we gonna do now?" Lauri asks.
"What do you mean?"
"We have to save Pauli from that evil woman!"
"But we can't just walk over and say 'hey Pauli, sorry to tell you but your girlfriend is a cheater'!" Aki replies.
"But she is!"
"We don't know for sure. I mean, does the fact that she offered herself to you already qualify her for that? Technically she hasn't cheated on Pauli yet," Aki explains.
"How do you know? Maybe she did! Come on, we gotta tell him!"
"That's gonna break his heart," Aki sighs and looks over to Pauli and Maya who are sitting in a corner with Eero and his wife. "They seem to be such a happy couple."
"It's gonna be much more painful for him if he finds out later! Who knows what else she's up to?"
Guess Lauri has a point here. But what if they are wrong? Maybe Maya has an evil twin or something? Alright, sounds stupid but still...
"Come on, let's go," Lauri suggests and grabs his beer bottle.
Aki watches him drinking. "You go first."
"Why me?"
"Cause you're the one Maya talked to."
"But... I... ok."
"Well, then, what are you waiting for?" Aki asks Lauri who seems to be glued to his stool. "Come on." Aki gets up and drags Lauri with him.
A few moments later they arrive at Pauli's table.
Pauli smiles at them. "Hey, guys, great party, isn't it?"
Lauri just nods and looks insecurely from Maya to Pauli and back. If there's ever happened something between her and Lauri she's really good in hiding it.
"So, what's up?" Pauli asks.
Lauri clears his throat but doesn't say a word.
"There's something Lauri wants to talk about with you," Aki says and shoves his elbow into Lauri's side.
"What is it?"
"Can I talk to you in private?"
Maya wants to get up but Pauli makes her stay. "What ever it is, Maya and I tell each other everything, so she can stay as well."
"Oh, really?" Aki mutters with raised eyebrows.
Maya just smiles and takes Pauli's hand.
Lauri sighs. "Are you sure? Cause I don't think..."
"I am sure. What do you wanna tell me?"
Lauri shrugs his shoulders. "Don't say I didn't warn you!" He clears his throat again. "I'm not sure how to tell you this but..." he takes deep breath, "Maya is just playing with you. Only a few minutes ago she tried to hook up with me in front of the bathroom!"
Silence.
Pauli stares at Lauri. Then his eyes wander to Aki and back to Lauri. Suddenly he bursts into laughter. "Damn, you almost got me! Nice try!"
"Pauli, he's telling you the truth!" Aki says.
Pauli wipes away some tears of laughter. "Yes, sure," he giggles, "you're just pissed that I realized it was a joke quicker than you did this morning! As if Maya would ever do something like that!" He turns to his girlfriend who's laughing, too and kisses her.
"Pauli! Listen!" Lauri shouts impatiently. "This is not a joke!"
"Hey, easy, dude! No need to shout!" Pauli answers surprised.
Aki and Lauri stare at him with serious faces. And slowly Pauli starts to realize that they are not kidding around. I try to read his mind but it seems like his thoughts are going crazy, I can't hear a clear thought. His face turns pale.
Maya is still smiling and holding his hand. "Oh, darling, you don't really believe this bullshit, do you? You know I love you!" She tells him with her softest voice.
"Of course he believes us, we're his best friends!" Lauri shouts at her angrily.
"Hey, don't yell at me! I have no idea why you're so rude to me! I never did anything to you!" She shouts back.
Pauli turns to Maya and looks at her. "Ok, now this is a weird situation," he says slowly like he's thinking about every word first before he speaks it out. "I have no idea what is going on. Maya, be honest, did you do anything like what they told me?"
Maya smiles at him. "Of course not! I love you, why would I wanna do anything that could destroy our relationship?" She leans forward and gently places a kiss on his lips.
Pauli turns back to Aki and Lauri. "How can you even think about telling me lies like this?" He asks coldly.
Lauri gasps. "How can you believe her and not us? Why would we say anything that could destroy our friendship?"
"Pauli, wake up, she's a liar!" Aki adds.
"You're really disappointing me, guys," Pauli says sadly. "You're drunk, so I know you're gonna regret it tomorrow. Let's talk about something else now."
"I am not drunk!" Lauri shouts. "Well, I am but still! Don't believe her!"
"Guys, calm down!" Eero interrupts them. "Let's not argue. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for all of this."
"Yeah, the explanation is that this woman has poisoned his brain!" Lauri hisses furiously.
Pauli gets up. "Come on, Maya, let's go home. I don't wanna see these dorks anymore tonight."
They walk towards the exit and leave a speechless Lauri and Aki.
Damn, that didn't go too well! I better stay with Pauli and Maya to find out what's really going on.
They have already left so I beam myself straight to Pauli's apartment. And only a few minutes later they arrive, too.
"We could watch a DVD or something," Pauli suggests.
"Ok, you pick the movie, I gotta go to the bathroom real quick," Maya says and disappears next door.
That's my chance to find out what's going on. I follow her. She's washing her hands and grins at her reflection in the mirror.
"Good to know that he believes anything I say. That way I can look for someone better and still be sure that if it doesn't work out I still have him."
Holy fuckin' shit! What the hell do you mean with 'looking for someone better'? You got Pauli, there is no 'better'!
"Might have been a bit stupid to try to do a move on Lauri, should have known that this little jerk runs straight to his friends to complain!"
Yeah, well, that was stupid indeed.
"Maybe I should visit that Ville guy. He's a bit weird but after all he's hotter and richer than Pauli."
Man, I can't believe what she's thinking! How could I have been so wrong? I really thought she's a nice girl. Stupid bitch!
She dries her hands and goes back to Pauli.
"How about 'Kill Bill'?" he asks.
"Sure, what ever you want, honey," Maya smiles and cuddles up next to him.
Come on, Pauli! You gotta find out what kind of a person she is!
"Sorry bout what happened at the party. Aki and Lauri were just drunk, I'm sure they didn't mean it," he tells her.
"Don't worry, maybe they are jealous that you're spending so much time with me. Somehow I can understand them. I'm the luckiest person on earth cause you wanna be with me."
Paulii sighs. "You're just wonderful." He kisses her.
Dumbass! She's not! She sucks! I gotta make her tell the truth, but how? Come on, bitch, admit it! You don't deserve my sweet Pauli!
I sit down next to her and start whispering into her ear. "You're a liar. You know that you can't go on like this. Tell him the truth. You will burn in hell if you don't stop being an asshole. And believe me, hell's gonna suck."
I repeat it over and over again but it doesn't seem to have any impact on her. Goddammit! I hate it. I'm his guardian angel, I'm supposed to help him but how?
I'm so angry, I feel like I'm boiling inside. That woman is about to fuck up my Pauli's life. I can't just sit here and do nothing!
And suddenly I have an idea. I beam myself back to the party and start looking for Ville. After a few minutes I find him talking to some girls.
"Sean, where are you?"
I hear a loud burb and turn around. Sean's leaning against a glass of beer.
"Heya, an... gel," he slurs.
"Damn, did you fall into the beer again?"
"Nooo, I'm jussa lil bit tipssssy."
"Yeah, whatever. Listen, I need some of your fairy dust."
"Noooway. I promised I won't get you in trouble anymore."
"Sean, that wasn't a request, that's an order!" I shout at him impatiently.
"No, no, no, I'm gonna be a good fairy." He shakes his head.
"Goddamit, give me that fuckin' fairy dust! I need it! It's for a good purpose!"
"Geez, chill! Come sit with me and have a drink."
I grab him at his wings so I'm face to face with him.
He looks down to the ground. "Don't drop me! I'm too drunk to still be able to fly!"
I shake him slightly. "So what about the fairy dust?"
"Whoa! No shaking or I'm gonna puke an your shoes! Alright, I'm gonna give you some. But promise you won't tell anyone that you got it from me!"
"Of course I promise!"
"How much do you need?"
"Just a little bit so I'll be visible for a human being for a few minutes."
Sean pulls a little leather bag out of his jacket. "Let me down and open your hand."
I do what he tells me. He takes a hand full of glittering dust and puts it on my palm. "You have to blow it off your hand and let it fall on your body. After that you're visible for, I guess, five minutes. Damn, Rita, what are you up to? You know that it's illegal for you!"
I smile at him. "No one will ever find out about it, don't worry. Gotta go now. Thanks a lot."
I beam myself back to Pauli. They are lying next to each other on his bed and watch the movie. Come on, Maya, I'm sure you gotta go to the bathroom again! Don't you feel the pressure on your bladder? Your pee wants out! Let it go!
Hm, too bad, doesn't work. Seems like I gotta wait...
Finally the movie ends. Pauli stretches his body and yawns. "I'm tired."
"Yeah, me too. I'm gonna take a quick shower." Maya gets up and goes to the bathroom.
Pauli cuddles up under the blanket and closes his eyes. There's a little smile on his lips. Poor him, he doesn't have a clue.
I follow Maya. The room is filled with steam, she's humming a melody under the show.
Just wait, you won't feel like humming anymore when I'm done!
I start writing stuff on the damp mirror. Maya turns the water off, dries her body and wraps herself into the towel. Then she gets out of the shower. Still humming the walks towards the mirror. When she reads my message she gasps.
"Liar! Tell him the truth or I'll haunt you till the end of days!" She reads out silently. "What the fuck?" She turns around to check the room. "Hello?" She turns back to the mirror and stares at the letters.
What did Sean say again? I blow the dust off my hand and jump under the little glittering cloud that starts raining on me. Weird feeling, it kinda tickles.
And suddenly I can see my reflection in the mirror. Maya shrieks up but she seems to be paralyzed.
"Who are you? How did you get in here? What do you want from me?" She whispers shocked.
"A better question is, why don't you show Pauli your true face?" I say, trying to make my voice sound kinda deep and dangerous. Hope it doesn't sound too stupid... but Maya turns around with a trembling body so I guess it works.
She slowly makes a step towards me and touches my arm.
"Don't touch me," I hiss.
She backs up and swallows. "You're real!"
"Of course I am, what did you expect?"
"Well, you just appeared out of nothing so I..."
"You're right, I come from another dimension, I was sent to... make you stop using Pauli. Otherwise I'm gonna turn your life into your own personal hell!" Uh, that maybe sounded a little bit like from a bad movie. Damn. But hey, it seems to work!
Maya backs up, I follow her until she reaches the wall. I move really close.
"Listen, bitch! You're gonna go over to Pauli now and tell him the truth!"
"The truth?" She asks insecurely. Her whole body is shaking with fear.
"That you're just using him till you find someone, how did you say that? Someone hotter and richer!"
"Why... how... do you know?"
"I know everything!" I shout at her and poke my finger into her shoulder.
Maya jumps back. Seems like an electric stroke or something just went through my finger. Cool!
Her eyes start filling with tears. "But I... I don't..."
"Admit it!" I shout angrily.
"Ok, ok," she sobs, "it's true! I'm just using him!"
"Then go and tell him!"
"Maya? Is everything ok?" I hear Pauli asking from next door.
"Pauli! Help! Come quickly!" She cries.
Damn! No! He's not allowed to see me!
The door flies open, Pauli comes running into the room. He takes Maya into his arms. "Hey, what's up? Are you alright? Why are you crying? Shhh, calm down!"
He rocks the sobbing girl in his arms. Suddenly he sees the writing on the mirror. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Seems like the fairy dust has lost its power cause I can't see my reflection anymore. Phew!
Pauli slowly backs up and looks at Maya.
"I... I... I..." she stutters.
"So?"
Maya sighs and looks down on the floor. "I'm really sorry," she mutters. "Lauri was right. I... I... don't love you. I'm just using you to meet more interesting or richer men."
Pauli swallows. "What?"
She raises her head. "You're a really sweet guy and in the beginning I really liked you. Don't get me wrong, I still like you! It's just that... I don't love you."
Pauli stares at her for a while. I can feel his heart break. After a while of silence he clears his throat.
"I think you should leave now."
Maya nods and watches Pauli leaving the room. I follow him. He sinks on his bed and buries his face in his hands. I sit down next to him and wrap my arms around his shoulders. Feeling his pain makes me wanna cry.
"You gotta be strong now, Pauli. I know it hurts but believe me, it would have been ten thousand times worse if you found out later."
Maya comes into the room, fully dressed. "I'm sorry."
Pauli doesn't answer.
"Bye." Maya leaves the apartment.
Pauli spends the rest of the night sitting in the dark. I try my best to comfort him but it doesn't really work. That's all that goddamn woman's fault! How could she dare to hurt him so much?
With the break of dawn I've made a decision. I can't let her get away just like that! She's probably at home now, being angry about her own stupidity but after a short while she will find another victim. This whole situation just screams for revenge!
"I'll be back soon," I whisper at Pauli then I scream Maya's name.
With the blink of an eye I'm at Maya's bedroom. She's sleeping peacefully, it's only five a.m.
I open some drawers until I find a needle and some yarn. It takes me almost two hours until I've finally sewed together the openings of all of Maya's clothes. I look around to get more ideas. Some bottles of blue, red and black paint are standing on the desk. I take them to the bathroom and fill the paint into the shower gel, shampoo and conditioner bottles. Ha, she's not gonna be happy when taking a shower! With the red paint I write huge letters at the wall opposite of her bed.
"I'm watching you! You know what will happen if you ever fool someone again!" A skull with a bone cross completes my art work. Cool, kinda looks like blood. I'm sure that's gonna scare the shit out of her! After a while I add a little "Go home to your fuckin' island!"
What else could annoy her? Suddenly I have a great idea. I beam myself to the harbor. A huge ship has just delivered oversea fruit. It takes me a few minutes until I find what I'm looking for. I climb into the container and start concentrating. I've never beamed such an amount of things with me, I hope it's gonna work.
Well, seems like I learned at least some things at the GA workshop!
I kick the bed to wake up Maya and lean back to enjoy my work.
Maya sits up and screams from the top of her lungs.
Only seconds later her cousin enters the room.
"Maya, what's wrong?" Then he gasps. "Where did all these pineapples come from? That must be a few hundreds!"
All of a sudden the sky turns black, a heavy storm bends the trees in front of the window. Loud thunderclaps drown out Maya's reply. And then I hear a furious voice shouting at me.
"Rita! My office! Now!"


38
God sits behind her huge desk and looks at me. Her face resembles a mask, she doesn't show any emotions.
Actually this scares me more as if she was yelling at me. There's no sign of the easy to get along with God I met before.
A few minutes of silence pass by. I don't know if I'm supposed to start talking or if I have to wait till she asks me. Oh man, this feels so much worse than all the times I've been sent to my principle's office back at high school. And believe me, he was an intimidating person... but compared to God he was like a little puppy.
"Do you remember the rule 'no pineapple transportation via beaming'?" God suddenly breaks the silence.
Hm, I think I remember vaguely hearing about it at the work shop. I nod.
"And what part of that is so hard to understand?" She asks.
"Well... the thing is... I don't really see a sense in that rule... I mean, pineapples are nothing dangerous... it's a pretty stupid rule... I wonder who... well, now that I mention it... I didn't really mean stupid in a bad way, more in a funny way... cause I guess you invented it so..." I think I'd better stop talking now.
"It's a rule of heaven. And you broke it."
"I know. I'm sorry," I mumble and stare at my hands. Is that why I'm here? If it's only about the pineapples it can't be too bad...
"You know, there are a few rules that have kind of a control mechanism. The pineapple-rule is one of them. If someone breaks them I get a notification on my computer."
Oh.
"Then the computer automatically scans that person to see if he or she has broken other rules too."
Oh, oh.
"I've learned in the past that most people who break a rule don't just do it once. So this program helps to find the black sheep among my angels." God sighs. "Rita, I'm really not happy about what I had to find out about you."
"But I didn't..."
"You want me to read the list out to you?" She interrupts me. "You went to your Mom's place though I told you that you're not allowed to see her. You played tricks on a human being out of boredom. You've been visible for you client in his dreams..."
"That was just an accident!"
A strict glance of God makes me shut up.
"You showed yourself to that woman last night. Has that been an accident, too?"
I swallow. "No," I whisper, "but..."
"But what?"
"I had to do it! I mean, I had to help Pauli. That woman was just playing with him, I couldn't think of another way to get her out of his life. He was suffering the whole night after she has told him the truth. I just had to do something to pay her back. Come on, I didn't do anything dangerous to her! Pineapples won't hurt her until she eats them..."
God gets up and walks up and down behind her desk.
"Rita, he would have found out about Maya one day anyway. It belongs to the life of a human being to have good times but also to have bad times, to suffer and to feel pain. That's what they learn from, what makes them stronger."
Bullshit! "Then what am I supposed to do as a GA anyway? Sit there and watch him getting hurt?" I shout at God.
"Yes."
"But that sucks!"
"But that's the way it is! Your main task is just to be with him, to give him the feeling that he's loved and that he's not alone, to..."
"I know, I know..."I mutter impatiently, "but I can't do that. Sorry. If this means I'm a bad GA, well, I guess then I am a bad GA."
God sighs. "Rita, I'm not talking to you to discuss if you're a good or a bad GA. You broke the rules, it's gonna have consequences."
"Go ahead, I know you have to punish me and I'm gonna do what ever you tell me. But I don't regret my actions from last night. I'm glad I could help Pauli, even if it means I had to break the rules. And about what I did to Maya this morning, she deserved it!"
"Revenge shouldn't be a virtue of a guardian angel," God tells me silently. The expression on her face has changed. She still doesn't look angry but she seems to be disappointed. And again I'd prefer her being angry... "You know what bother's me the most?"
I shake my head.
"It's not only that you broke all these rules or that you don't regret anything of it.. I thought we can trust each other and that you would come and talk to me if you don't know what to do." She sighs. "I'm really sad that you didn't."
Oh my gosh, she just used the same technique my Mom always did. "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed!"... and it still works.
Suddenly Kurt comes running through the door.
"Hey, guess what!" He shouts and grins. "Britney is pregnant and has decided to put all her music projects on ice! You know what that means? I'm free! No more torture!" He bends down and kisses my cheek. "How about a date tonight?"
"Sounds good." I smile at him insecurely.
He looks at me, then at God. "What's going on? I sense a tiny bit of negative energy in here!"
God snorts sarcastically and points at the computer screen. "Read. That's easier than to explain everything again."
Kurt mouth drops to the ground while reading. Then he stares at me. "You used fairy dust on purpose? Holy shit!"
"But just to..."
Kurt walks behind me and massages my shoulders. "I'm sure you had a good reason for it. It's just that it's absolutely forbidden."
I take deep breath. "Ok, so what's gonna happen next?" I don't dare to look at God. I'm sure it's gonna be worse than no desert or cleaning all of heaven's bathrooms. I just hope it doesn't have anything to do with Celine Dion or her music.
Kurt stops moving, his hands rest on my shoulders heavily. I can hear him gasp.
"No," he whispers.
I raise my head. God is looking at Kurt with a serious expression on her face. What's that about. Are they reading each other's minds?
"No what?" I ask insecurely.
"You can't do that!" Kurt shouts at God.
"You know I can and you know I have to!" She yells back.
"That's not fair!"
"On the contrary, not doing it wouldn't be fair!"
"Oh, bullshit! Is this supposed to be one of your fuckin' demonstrations of power?"
"Now what's that supposed to mean?"
"You're jealous cause Satan wants her!"
"Are you shitting me? I'm God, I'm far beyond of feelings like jealousy!"
"Yeah, sure! You're not and you know it!"
"Ehrm, hello?" I interrupt them. "I kinda think this conversation is about me, so would you mind including me?"
"Kurt, believe me, this has absolutely nothing to do with Sa. I have to do it." God explains with sad eyes.
"Do what?" I really wanna know what they are talking about!
Kurt sits down on the desk in front of me and takes my hands. "You've broken a lot of rules and some of them were pretty serious."
"Alright, I got that by now!"
"There's a usual consequence to that."
"I know. And I'm ready to receive my punishment. So what is it?" I reply impatiently.
Kurt doesn't answer.
"You're gonna be expelled from heaven," God tells me.
Whoa. "Ehm, like... you kick me out?"
She nods. I feel the blood freezing in my veins. I'm gonna get kicked out of heaven? But... I don't wanna go! Not now! What about Kurt and me?
"Please, I... I promise... I will never ever do that again! Just don't send me away! Don't I get a second chance?" I'm almost begging.
God shakes her head. "Everyone who has done things like you did before has been expelled from heaven. If I make an exception now I contradict my previous judgements. So I can't. I'm sorry."
My body starts shaking. It's getting harder to breath. "But.. I... I... just wanted... to help Pauli..." I stutter weakly.
"I know," she sighs, "but as I said before, I can't make an exception."
"So where are you sending me?"
"Well, usually you'd go to hell..."
No way!
"... but with that I'd do Satan a favor. And I'm not saying this cause I'm jealous," she looks at Kurt, "I'm sure you wouldn't be too happy about that either."
"But where else can I go?" Maybe there's another dimension I haven't heard of? Probably not...
"You're gonna go back to earth."
What? Wow... that's... "I'm going back home?"
"Not back to you're old life but yeah, back to being a human being."
At least that's better than going to hell but still... I don't wanna leave, I wanna stay here, I wanna stay with Kurt.
"When do I have to go?"
"Now." While God speaks out the word, a red door appears.
"Now? No!" I jump off my chair.
"Come on, God, give us a few more days!" Kurt shouts out shocked and wraps his arm around my waist.
God opens the door. "You know the rules, Kurt. Rule-breaker gets busted and has to leave heaven immediately."
Kurt lets me go and steps in front of the door. "If you wanna make Rita go through this door, you have to get me out of the way first!".
God rolls her eyes and snaps her fingers. Kurt vanishes and appears again on the other side of the room.
"I hate it when she does that," he mumbles angrily and comes back.
This is all happening so fast, I'm hardly able to realize properly what's about to happen.
"Let me at least say good bye," he tells God.
"Hurry up," she replies and turns away.
Kurt takes me in his arms. "I can't believe that this is how it's gonna end," he whispers into my ear.
I try to hold my tears back and swallow. "I'm really sorry I fucked things up. It's all my fault..."
"Hey," he strokes some hair out of my face, "you did it to help Pauli. That was a good thing. No regrets, ok?"
I nod. He leans forward to kiss me. Knowing that I'm feeling his lips on mine for the very last time makes me wanna scream. "I love you."
I hear God clearing her throat in the background.
"I love you, too."
"Kurt, I'm scared of what's gonna happen!"
"Don't worry, I'm gonna make sure that there won't be anything to be afraid of."
"Alright, guys, time to move on," God says.
Kurt kisses me one more time, then he lets me go.
I step forward and look through the open door. There's nothing but darkness. A mild wind blows into my face.
"So am I gonna be born again now?" I ask God.
She shakes her head. "It takes a lot of paper work to sign up for a re-birth, we don't have time for that."
"But what if I meet people I know? Won't they recognize me?"
"Though you're gonna look the same, no one will recognize you. And you also should know that you won't be able to remember anything."
"I'm not gonna remember anything?" I turn around and look at Kurt. He smiles at me sadly. His lips form the words "But I will".
"You're not gonna remember anything that happened in your previous life and after your death. And you won't hardly remember anything you know about the world or modern life." She sighs. "That fuckin' computer! I hope one day I will figure out how to delete someone's memory without deleting all the general knowledge!"
"Great. So what am I gonna be? An idiot?" I mutter.
"Yeah, well, you're not gonna be stupid, you'll just have to learn lots of things from the start again." She puts her hand on my shoulder. "Time to go."
"How? I mean there's nothing to go to, it's just dark!"
"Jump!"
"Oh, I'm jumping down on earth?" Scary... maybe I die when I hit the ground so I can come back straight to heaven...
"No, that's not how it's gonna work," God tells me, "I'm sorry I have to make you go. I really like you. Good luck!"
I take deep breath.
Then I jump through the door.
The darkness swallows me up. I'm falling. I can feel the wind in my face. It's so dark, I can't see anything. There's no light, no sound, no nothing. Just me and the wind.
I'm falling.




*click on 'angel crossing pt.2' on the left side to read... well, angel crossing part 2 *lol**




Verantwortlich für die Inhalte ist der Autor. Dein kostenloses Blog bei myblog.de! Datenschutzerklärung
Werbung